SETTING: A plane high in the sky. As the camera looks in, we see passengers returning from trips of
various scopes and sizes. Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart are such passengers. The Smarts were returning from a month long vacation in Hawaii and were glad to come home. Their children had been house sitting for them while they were gone and 99 wondered if they would still remember about picking
them up at the airport that morning.
Max was cuddled next to his wife by the window seat. He appeared to be sleeping, but the opening of
his eyes said that he wasn’t.
Max: Yes, 99.
99: Do you think the twins will still remember that they are picking us at the airport today?
Max: I’m sure they will.
99: I don’t know. With finals coming up, I’m sure they’re swamped with all that studying.
What Max and 99 didn’t know was that somewhere in their hometown of Washington, DC, in a foggy bar,
were the twins, Zachary and Maxine Smart. Zach had just been knocked backwards into a wall and was now being manhandled by a large, burly man. Max was defending herself by flipping one man over her shoulder. This wasn’t an ordinary fight in some bar. Zach and Max were secret agents for the secret
government organization CONTROL.
They were in the bar, known as the Seedy Oyster, to stop agents from the evil spy organization of KAOS. The twins had been recruited by CONTROL merely on the basis of their parents outstanding record as former CONTROL agents. They quickly proved they were more than just the children of Agents 86 and 99. Upon entering Spy Training School, both Zach and Max had broken every record that their parents had ever set.
They quickly become the top two agents at CONTROL. They were on a case now and despite their gold star reputation, the twins had yet to tell their parents of their chosen profession.
While Max was fighting off another KAOS man, the man that had Zach was tossing him down the bar table and
Zach fell off behind the bar and decided it was a good place to stay. Max, seeing her brother tossed, decided he had the right idea and joined him. Apparently with the fighting they were doing, another fight had broken out among the real patrons of the Seedy Oyster.
Zach: I think if we just stay here and try not to draw attention to ourselves, we’ll be okay.
Just then, Zach’s shoe phone rang.
Max: [sarcastically] Yeah, we’re real inconspicuous now.
Zach: I’ll answer it. [taking off shoe, removing bottom, and answers] This is Zachary Smart, Agent 78
Commander: Smart! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you all day!
Zach: Sorry, sir, but Max and I ran into a slight problem while staking out the Seedy Oyster.
Commander: What kind of problem?
Zach: [looking around] Oh, I’d say, about….5, 10 KAOS agents.
Commander: Well, I need the both of you back at headquarters immediately.
Zach: yes, sir. We’re on our way. [hangs up, puts shoe back on] What else can happen today?
Back in the skies, 99 decided she’s going to call the twins and make sure they remember to pick them
up. She takes out the cell phone from her bag and dials. Meanwhile, at the Seedy Oyster, Maxine’s own cell phone starts to ring.
Max: [looks at Zach] You had to ask. [takes out phone and answers] Hello?
Switch back to plane. Scene switches back and forth.
Max: Mom! [looks at Zach] What a pleasant surprise! What’s up?
99: Us, as we speak. Your father and I are still on the plane. How’s the studying?
Max: Studying? Oh, yeah! The studying! That’s what we’re doing right now. [a man gets thrown over the
side of the bar in front of them]
99: What was that noise?
Max: What noise? Oh, it’s the background. We’re in a…..study room. Everyone is just……studying.
99: Well, I just called to remind you that you and your brother are picking us up from the airport today.
Max: Zach and I are picking you up from the airport today? [looks at Zach in agony]
99: You didn’t forget, did you?
Max: No! No, no…..we didn’t forget. So, you’re coming in at….
Max: 1pm [looks at watch and discovers that it’s twenty ‘til now] That’s twenty minutes from now! Oh man! Don’t worry, Mom, Zach and I will be at the airport like we promised, because we would never lie to you because we love you so very, very, very much.
99: Alright, Max. See you then.
Max: [hanging up] Zach, I can’t believe we forgot about picking Mom and Dad up at the airport today! What
are we going to do?
Zach: [looking around] I think I’ve got an idea.
Zach stands up and hits the first man he sees.
Zach: Hey everybody! [everyone stops] Free drinks on this guy! [points at guy]
Everyone in the bar is elated with the thought and Zach and Max sneak out before the KAOS agents have a chance to see them. The two then run to Zach’s black Firebird, hop in, and take off. The first stop they make is to the apartment building in which they live, so they can change their clothes. Then it’s off to the Smart house, where they check the house and pick up the keys to 99’s blue Jeep Laredo, take the car and quickly drive to the airport.
The two get there, with only ten minutes to spare before their parent’s plane touches down. They make a mad dash to the gate. While running, Zach fails to see a bag in his path and ultimately trips over it. Assuring the owner he’s okay, he continues running after his sister. When the twins finally get
to their parent’s terminal, they are in need of oxygen.
Zach: [slightly out of breath] Tell me….again…why we become spies.
Max: Because [taking a deep breath] we felt that it was an exciting opportunity and that we would get….a
lot of exercise.
Zach: Oh….I guess that makes sense.
As the twins are trying to compose themselves, Max and 99 are walking through the runway aisle to the gate.
99: I hope they’re not late.
Max: Don’t worry, 99, if they are, it’s due to the studying.
As Max and 99 walk through, Zach sees them and waves to them.
Maxine: We’re going to tell them, right?
Zach: Of course. We’ll tell them in the car. [to Max and 99] Mom, Dad. How was the trip?
Max: It was great! Too bad you guys couldn’t go. It would’ve been nice having a long family vacation.
Zach: Yeah, but when duty calls, duty calls.
Maxine: he means school duty! Finals and all, but as long as YOU had a good time. You look well….and
Max and 99 look at each other in confusion.
Zach: Let’s take the bags to the car, huh?
They walk out to the car and put the bags in the trunk and drive off. Zach and Max sit in the backseat,
trying to come up with a way of telling their parents about being spies.
Zach: you know, guys, Max and I are doing well in school.
Max: Glad to hear that, Zach. You know, I’m glad you two went to college. I had this uneasy fear that,
with your mother and I being former spies and all, you’d do that or something.
Zach: [laughing along with Maxine] Us? Spies? [laughs] Put that out of your mind, Dad. [looks at Maxine]
Maxine: You know, um, Daddy, that if Zach and I WERE spies, we’d…we’d be pretty good.
99: Thankfully, you’re not.
Maxine: [laughing uneasily] Yes, but, if we WERE, we’d be good. Right?
99: [looking in rearview mirror at her daughter] Maxine, what are you getting at?
Maxine: Nothing! I….just…you know…..just…..wanted….nothing. Just crazy, out of the blue question.
Zach: I….I’d think we’d be pretty good at…at…um, being spies. [silence] Of course, that’s just my opinion!
Max: [turning in his seat a little] You guys aren’t thinking about it, are you?
Zach & Maxine: [rather quickly] No! No….no…not…at…
Zach: Not at all, because that would be wrong. [pauses] And if we WERE, we would certainly tell you because we would never lie to you. At all. Ever!
Maxine: Not at all! We’ve never lied to you in our LIVES! Ever. At…at all. Because that….that would be…..untrustworthy. Of us.
99: Well, that’s nice to hear.
99 pulls up in the driveway and the four get out and carrying the bags in the house. 99 invites everyone
to lunch, but Maxine, realizing their meeting with the Commander, declines and suggests another time later in the day. It’s agreed and the twins leave. Max volunteers to take the bags upstairs, while 99 checks the answering machine. On it is a very important message.
Commander: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. 86. My name is Commander Briggs of the CONTROL Spy Network. We need your
help on a very highly classified case. If you can come down to headquarters Wednesday morning at 8am, I would like to fill you in. You’ll be part of a team that is already on the case and will serve as their backup. With your experience and expert knowledge, I know you’ll enjoy being apart of CONTROL once again.