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Love Potion 99

 

 

SETTING: A funeral. People are standing around the grave of one Millicent Foxworthy. Her husband, John, sits in a chair, being comforted by family and friends. People are throwing roses on her grave, as the priest continues his service.

Down at the street, about a couple of feet away, is a black Porsche with it’s top up. Inside, a man with a pair of binoculars looks out at the proceedings. He puts them down long enough to answer his car phone.

Max: Hello.

Zach: Dad, where are you?

Max: I’m at Millie Foxworthy’s funeral.

Zach: Oh, gee, Dad. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure you were close.

Max: I didn’t know her, Zach!

Zach: Dad, you know it’s not right to crash a funeral, right?

Max: I’m not crashing the funeral. I’m tailing her husband.

Zach: Did you say, Foxworthy? Like in John Foxworthy, wealthy millionaire and head of the KAOS Assassin’s Guild?

Max: Yep, one in the same. This is the fifth wife he’s buried in a year and a half.

Zach: He’s buried five wives!? What does this guy do for a living? Work in a mortuary?

Max: No, but his living is made off of his dead wives’ insurance policies. Look, I’ve got to go, but I wanted to know if your sister was in yet.

Zach: Um, yeah, Dad. She’s downstairs in the lab with Parker. Why?

Max: Tell her I want to see her in my office when I get there.

Zach: No problem, Pop. See ya later.

Max: Bye Zach. (hangs up)

From the look of it, the funeral was ending and John Foxworthy was making his way to his blue Rolls Royce. Max put his shades back on and waited for the car to go past him so he could follow it. As he was looking at the Rolls, a huge dirt tracker, brought in for the funeral, pulled up behind him.

Soon, Max saw the Rolls coming by and he started his car. As the Rolls went past, Max looked behind him to back out and saw the tracker. Max looked to the front of his car and found it was blocked by another funeral procession.

Max, shocked, watched as John Foxworthy’s car rolled out of the cemetery and down the street. Seeing
his prey disappear, Max started to cry. Someone came over and thought he was crying about Millicent.

Man: Don’t worry, son. We’ll miss her, too.

 

THE NEW OPENING CREDITS FOR GET SMART!

 

 

SETTING: CONTROL Headquarters. Zach and Maxine are waiting for Max to get in. Trudi, the office secretary walks in and hands Zach a memo from the CONTROL Agents’ Guild.

Zach: Thanks, Trudi. You don’t happen to know what it says, do you?

Trudi: Now, Zach, do I look like the kind of person to read another person’s memo?

Maxine: But you read Dad’s memos all the time!

Trudi: That’s because I’m your father’s secretary. If you want me to read YOUR memos, you should hire me as YOUR secretary.

Zach: Goodbye, Trudi.

Trudi: Bye, Zach. (leaves)

Zach: Why did Dad hire her again?

Maxine: It was in Uncle Larrabee’s will, keep her in good company, you know. Yadda, yadda.

Zach: Did we ever find out if that was a binding will?

Just then, the automatic door opens and Max walks in, very upset.

Zach: Hi, Dad. How’d your stake out go?

Max: Missed him by that much! I lost him on account of another funeral! (sits down at desk)

Maxine: Dad, did you crash a funeral?

Max: I didn’t crash…Max, you’re here.

Maxine: That would seem like it, huh? Did you want to see me?

Max: Yes! I have a case for you.

Maxine: Oh, really? What is it?

Max: I want you to seduce and marry John Foxworthy.

Maxine: The millionaire?

Max: Yep.

Maxine: The head of the KAOS Assassin’s Guild?

Max: That’s him!

Maxine: The old, creepy guy?

Max: Max! He’s not that old!

Maxine: Dad, he’s like a hundred and five!

Max: He is not! He’s like seventy-five, eighty.

Maxine: That’s sick! I won’t do it, Dad.

Max: You’ve got to! We’ll be able to stop his reign of death!

Zach: He’s buried five wives, you know.

Maxine: And I’m supposed to be number six? Now, I’m definitely not doing it!

Max: (to Zach) Thanks a lot.

Zach: Sorry.

Max: Max…

Maxine: No, Dad! That’s sick!

Max: I’ll give you a raise.

Zach: I’ll do it! Do I still get a raise?

Max: (to Zach) No. (to Max) Please, Max.

Maxine: No, Dad.

Zach: How come I wouldn’t get a raise? I’ll seduce him!

Max: Zachary, you are actually willing to seduce a MAN in his seventies for a raise?

Zach: For a raise, hell yeah!

Max: What if he wants to hold hands?

Zach: I’m prepared to make that sacrifice.

Maxine: What if he wants to kiss you?

Zach: I’m prepared to make that sacrifice.

Max: What if he wants to…

Zach: (stops Max) You don’t want to know how far I’ll go to get a raise.

Maxine: See, Dad? Zach’s willing! Make him do it!

Zach: For a raise, please.

Max: No! Now Maxine, this is not up for debate! You’re doing this case!

Maxine: (crossing her arms) Don’t make me go over your head, Dad.

Zach: Uh oh. Someone’s gonna get Mom. If Mom says she can’t, Dad, you’re screwed.

Max: (sarcastically) When did your mother become Chief of CONTROL? Was I not here when this happened? As Chief of CONTROL, Maxine, I am ORDERING you to do this case!

Maxine: That tears it! I’m going home! (walks out the door)

Zach: You’re in trouble now. You know where she’s going, don’t you? She’s going over to Mom’s office. And she’s gonna get Mom and you’re gonna be in trouble.

Max: (annoyed and angry) Zach, how would you like NOT being head of the agents section?

Zach: I would not like that very much.

Max: Then shut up! I have a plan. Come downstairs with me. (heads for side door to the lab)

Zach: Are we going to the lab?

Max: Yep.

Zach: Why?

Max: Because Parker is going to change your sister’s mind.

 

******COMMERCIAL BREAK******

 

SETTING: The United States Congressional Building. In an office on the seventh floor, Maxine sits in her mother’s office. 99 is going through files, while listening to her daughter’s rantings.

Maxine: It’s just sick and wrong, Mom. Sick, wrong, and gross.

99: Max, you’re talking about the fate of the world. If this case means the world is safe once again, then it’s your duty as a CONTROL agent to take this case.

Maxine: Mom, this guy is like two hundred and three! I’m just twenty-four! It’s just wrong! Sick and wrong and sick!

99: And gross.

Maxine: Thank you! And gross. I…I won’t do it.

99: Well, did anyone else consider taking it?

Maxine: Zach volunteered for it.

99: (surprised) Your brother offered to take the case?

Maxine: For a raise. (look from 99) He was prepared to make sacrifices for it.

Just then, 99’s phone rings and she walks over to get it.

99: Hello? (smiles) Hi. (looking at Max) Yes, she’s here. (to Max) Your father wants to talk to you.

Maxine: No! I’m not talking to him! He’s being mean! (loudly into the phone) You’re being mean!

The scene cuts to the Chief’s office, as Max is talking on the phone. He rolls his eyes at his daughter’s comment. The scenes go back and forth in the offices.

Max: 99, make her come back to work.

99: (to Maxine) Look, how ‘bout I go over there with you?

Maxine: (thinking) Fine. But I’m not doing that case!

Max: (hearing Max in the background)(to Zach) Oh, she’s doing this case. (starts to laugh)

99: What did you say, Max?

Max: Huh? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Look, when you get here, I’ll be in the lab, okay?

99: All right. Bye, Max.

Max: Bye. (hangs up)(to Zach) Let’s go downstairs.

Zach and Max go downstairs to the lab. Already there is Dr. Austin Parker, who’s mixing something in a cup.

Max: Well, Parker? How’s that drug coming?

Parker: Well, I won’t know until Max drinks it. C’mon, Chief! There must be another way than this!

Max: Parker, Max is the only person who can do this. (Zach opens his mouth to say something) No! (Zach closes his mouth)

Parker: What about Agent 66? She could do it.

Zach: Over my dead body!

Parker: Well, I don’t think it’s fair that Max has to do it!

Max: First of all, Parker, I’m going to forget you have ANY romantic interest in my daughter. Secondly, I had a hard enough time trying to get 66 on that plane to New York with Zach blocking the exit. Max is the only female agent here and I need her for this case. Now what’s in that mug?

Parker: (holds up the mug) Oh, well, I got together some of the old pills and things that might keep a person physically attracted to someone and came up with what’s in the cup. But like I said, I won’t know if it works until Max drinks it.

Zach: Is she drinking it straight?

Parker: Oh no. It’s in the coffee and if I know Max, she can’t go through the day without a cup of coffee. (sets the mug down)

Max: Great. Hey look, Parker, while you’re here, I need you to sign something for me in my office.

Parker: Oh, sure Chief.

The three go upstairs, just as Maxine and 99 walk in through the standard door of the lab.

99: Max?

Maxine: Zach? Austin? You think they’re upstairs still?

99: Maybe. Let’s wait for a couple of minutes to see if they come back.

99 sits down on one of the table stools and sees the mug of coffee.

99: Hey, Max, do you mind if I drink this cup of coffee?

Maxine: Nah, I’m not really in the mood to have any. All yours, if it’s still warm.

99: Okay. (starts to drink)

Parker comes back downstairs and sees 99 drinking from the coffee cup and is stunned. And shocked.

Maxine: (cheerfully) Hi, Austin!

Parker just stands there, looking at 99 and the cup in her hand.

Parker: You didn’t drink that, did you?!?

Both Maxine and 99 look at the coffee cup, than back to Parker.

99: (nervously) Yes…

Maxine: (suspiciously) Why?

Parker: (pause)(nervous) No reason. I just wish you hadn’t drank that particular cup of coffee.

99: I’m sorry, Parker. Was this your cup of coffee?

Parker: (laughs) Gods, no! (both look at him) I mean, I’ve already had my cup of coffee for the day. But you…you’re…okay. Right?

99: (slowly) Yes…

Parker: You’re sure? You’re fine? You look okay. Do you see spots? Are you dizzy? (waves his hands) Does this freak you out?

99: (rather disturbed by the behavior) Austin, I’m fine.

Parker: Well that’s…good, if not slightly disappointing.

99: What?

Parker: Nothing. You know…it…nothing.

99: I’m going upstairs now.

99 gets up and starts to walk toward the secret door to the Chief’s office, when Parker stops her.

Parker: Um, Mrs. Smart? If at any time today, you feel…(pause) well, I guess the word would be, “hot”… (look from 99) I mean…I mean…unwell…don’t hesitate to call me. Immediately. As soon as you can. But you are…obviously okay, so there’s probably nothing to…worry about…(starts to laugh nervously)

99 goes upstairs, leaving Maxine standing there with Austin. 99 gets to the door at the top of the stairs and stopped. She had this weird feeling come over her.

Figuring it was just the coffee, she walked through the door into her husband’s office. Max was standing at his desk, talking on the phone. He turned to see 99,smiled, then turned around again.

She had this weird look on her face and he mouthed, “are you alright?” 99 smiled seductively and nodded. She walked over to his desk and put her arms around his neck.

99: (In Max’s ear) Did I ever tell you how much I love you?

Max: (smiles) Well, not today. (on phone) What, sir? Oh, sorry. I was talking to…nevermind. You were saying?

99: [kissing him on cheek] You really should take a day off, love…

Max: [smiling] Why? Do you have something in mind? [on phone] No, sir. I didn’t know you were talking about your wife. I’m sure the first lady will be fine. [to 99] Sweetheart, I’m kinda busy right now…

99: [kissing him] I love you.

99 kisses Max, passionately causing him to just hang up on the president. They continue to kiss, even as Parker and Maxine rush in.

Parker: (shaking head) Started already.

Max: [breaking kiss and seeing the company] Get out.

Maxine: Father, Dr. Parker has something to tell you. [looks angrily at Parker]

Max: (enjoying himself) I don’t care. Get out.

Parker: Um…sir…there was a uh…there was a slight mix up with that potion you had me come up with. The one that was in a cup of coffee that your lovely and beautiful daughter…

Maxine: (angrily) Don’t compliment me.

Parker: (looks at Maxine) Anyway…um…Maxine did not drink said coffee.

Max: (looks at 99, then back at Parker, then at Maxine, then back at 99. He then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath] Parker, don’t tell me 99 drank that cup of coffee. Please, PLEASE don’t tell me 99 drank that coffee…

Parker: Alright, if you insist…

Max: [trying to push 99 away] Parker…

Parker: Now, sir, you pacifically told me not to tell you…now Max wants to talk to you.

Maxine: Dad! Mom that stuff in the coffee!

Max: I told Parker not to tell me that!

Parker: And I didn’t. (points to Maxine) She did.

Max sits down and 99 instantly sits in his lap and starts kissing him.

Max: [to Maxine and Parker] I could be enjoying this, but I’m not.

Parker: Don’t worry, Chief, it’ll wear off. I think. (both Maxes look at him) Pretty sure.

Max: Parker…[stops. To 99] Darling, would you be a dear and sit over there in that chair? [points to chair][99 gets up and sits in chair] Thank you, darling.

99: You’re welcome, dearest. [blows him a kiss]

Max: Austin, may I have a word with you and Maxine over by the door? [gets up]

The three walk over to the door and Max peers over Parker’s shoulder to look at 99.

Max: [to Parker] How long… do you think…she’ll be under this?

Parker: Well, sir, I suspect it should wear off in a couple of minutes. She didn’t drink that much…(looks to Maxine, who shakes her head)

Max: [nodding] Good, because I want you to go downstairs and make another batch.

Maxine: Dad, I still won’t do this.

Max: Not you. I have an…alternate person in mind. [they all turn and look at 99]

 

******COMMERCIAL BREAK******

 

SETTING: In the Chief’s office, 99 has regained control over herself, so to speak and she’s not the least bit happy at what has happened.

99: (upset) So…just to make sure that I understand all of this – you were planning on drugging our daughter, but drugged me instead?

Max: 99, when you say it like that, it sounds so…dastardly.

Maxine: Because it is! It is dastardly, Dad! Not to mention devious, underhanded…

Max: (pointing at her) Don’t you start! We wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place if you taken this case like a good little agent! (points to Zach) Your brother was more than willing to make a few sacrifices, I don’t see why you couldn’t!

Zach: For a raise. Please…don’t forget to mention that.

Max: (ignoring Zach) So now, I have to rope your mother into doing this.

99: (shocked) Wait, what!? Max, this is not going to work!

Max: Yes it will. (offers her a small tablet) All you have to do is take this.

99: Max, I won’t do it. It’ll feel like I was cheating on you.

Max: But you’re not! Parker said the pill would wear off after an hour or two. All you have to do is keep Foxworthy talking and we’ll get everything on tape! Here. [again tries handing her tablet]

99: No.

Max: 99, now you’re going to hurt Austin’s feelings. He worked very hard on this.

Parker: Well…I mean, I kind feel a little bad about this.

Max: Shut up, Parker. (to 99) It’s raspberry flavored. I know how much you like raspberries.

99: Max, I will not do it and that’s final.

Max: Fine, don’t do it. I can’t make you do something you don’t want to, that’s how this whole mess got started in the first place. You don’t have to do it.

99: Good.

Max: I’ll just have to get someone else. (to Zach) Zachary, how would you like a raise?

Zach: I would like that very much.

99: Oh Max, really!

Max: Well, he’s the only one who wanted to do this! (to Maxine) Because I apparently only have one loyal child!

99: Max, you know CONTROL can’t handle any raises right now.

Max: [sighs] I know that, 99. I guess we’ll just have to do a car wash. Maybe a blood drive… or a yard sale. I’ve been meaning to get of Trudi’s desk…and Trudi…

Maxine: You’re not going to guilt me into this.

Max: I am not guilting anyone into anything. What does it matter if the stake of the country or the world is in jeopardy? As long as our morals and principles are intact, who cares what happens to our way of life should KAOS take over the world?

Zach: I welcome our evil KAOS overlords.

Max: I know you do…you traitor.

99: [sighing deeply] Alright, Max. I’ll do it.

Max: [kissing 99 on the cheek] I knew you would. I’m so glad that at least someone has some loyalty to me. Would be nice if every family member did. (Maxine rolls her eyes)(holds up tablet) All you have to do is take this and just keep him talk about KAOS or his wives. There’ll be a van right outside the house, where the more loyal members of this team will be sitting, listening to everything and ready to save you.

99: Max, (pushing away pill) I think I can seduce John Foxworthy without that.

Max: (letting her go) What do you mean by that?

99: Just that I know what I have to and I’m more than prepared to it. I know my duty to the country.

Maxine: (annoyed) Oh honestly! I’m standing right here! I’m still in the room.

Later in the evening, 99 gets ready for her ‘date’ with John Foxworthy, something that Max has arranged. She has dressed in a lovely evening gown and because of it, Max has been following her throughout the house.

Max: [following her down the stairs] I’m just asking for clarification of what you said earlier.

99: Which was?

Max: About you being able to seduce Foxworthy without any help. In fact, I don’t believe the word seduce ever came up in conversation regarding this case.

Max follows her to the front door where Parker, dressed as a chauffeur, was standing there.

99: Hello, Austin. [letting him in]

Parker: Evening. [to 99] Wow, you look gorgeous, Mrs. Smart.

99: (smiling) Why thank you, Austin. (glancing at Max) I’m glad someone noticed.

Max: (annoyed and a bit jealous) I noticed. I’ve been noticing you all night. In fact, I was thinking how beautiful you looked.

99: (smiling) Oh Max! Really?

Max: Yes. (pauses, before narrowing his eyes) A little too beautiful, if you ask me.

99: (heading towards the door) Which, I didn’t.

Max follows both 99 and Parker out of the door and to a large limousine that was parked out front. Parker was trying to brief 99 on exactly what she was supposed to do.

Parker: John Foxworthy believes you to be millionairess Danielle Hampton from a well to do Montana family. (opening car door) I’ll drop you off at his mansion and then I’ll join the Chief in the van.

99: (nodding) Where exactly will the van be?

Max: I’m hoping somewhere close, just in case. Like the driveway of the house.

Parker: (looking at Max) (to 99) We’ll be down the block and across the street.

99 got in and Parker closed the door to the back. He walked up to the front of the car with Max, but before he got in, Max stopped him.

Max: What a minute, Parker. I have something to tell you.

Parker: Yes sir?

Max: (grabbing him by the jacket) I don’t care what you have to do, but make sure that my wife doesn’t spend one minute alone with Foxworthy. (lets go) Understand?

Parker: Not sure how that’s going to work, when I’m going to be in the van with you.

Max: No, you’re not. I’m assigning you as the personal bodyguard to my wife. So you know…guard her body from unwanted invasions.

Parker: Wish you hadn’t phrased it that way.

The limo drives off and in its place came a black van driven by Zach. Maxine, who sat in the passenger seat, opened the slide door to the back and Max got in. In the back was an array of machines and Max sat in the seat across from a tailing device.

The van took off behind the limo and followed it down to the large estate of John Robert Foxworthy, billionaire and KAOS killer. The van followed the limo inside the gates of the estate. As the limo went towards the front door, the van peeled off and parked in a small hidden clearing by the side of the house.

Quickly, Zach and Maxine got out with a large banner and put it on the viewable side of the van. The sign read, “Dalton and Sons Cable Service” with Zach and Maxine standing in white jump suits. They then went around to the back of the van and opened the doors.

Max, who had also changed into a white jump suit, handed Zach a bunch of cables and let Maxine into the back with him. Zach, cables in hand, closed the two Maxes in the van and took off toward the house. In the back of the van, Max was now at another machine, this one for listening.

Maxine: (putting on a pair of headphones) So Zach’s planting a listening device in the house?

Max: Yeah. I’ve got one on your mother too.

Maxine: (looking at Max) Dad, are you serious? You actually bugged Mom?

Max: I didn’t want to do it! I’m just insuring her safety, is all.

Maxine: (amused) You’re jealous.

Max: I am not jealous and furthermore, if you had done this case in the first place, I wouldn’t have to get your mother involved. (glances at her) I hope you will remember this in the future when those ‘standards’ of yours rear their ugly heads.

Zach had gotten inside the house and had planted the bug on the first floor and couldn’t help but notice 99 and Parker come in through the door. He then went upstairs and pretending to be doing his job
as a repairman, slipped into an open room and shut the door.

Zach: (speaking into a ballpoint pen) This is Romeo calling the nest. Come in nest.

The scene goes back and forth between the room and the van.

Max: Zach, just say Agent 78! What’s up?

Zach: Sorry, Pop, but as I am in a domestic dwelling of civilians and potential KAOS agents, we need to use extreme caution.

Max: (annoyed) What’s your report, Zachary?

Zach: First of all, I have to tell you, Dad, Mom looks great. Really, really good. If she weren’t my Mom, I’d date her. But of course, the fact that she is – my mother – prevents me from doing so, but if I had been a little older, I might’ve. Hey, Dad, do you think Mom would’ve gone out with me? I mean if she wasn’t interested in you…

Maxine: Zachary, focus!

Zach: Sorry. Anyways, I planted the bug downstairs by the couch.

Max: The couch?! Why the couch!?

Zach: It’s by the window. (hears noise) I think someone’s coming. Look, I’ll talk to you when I get to van. (places pen back in suit)

Zach cautiously walks to the door and opens it. Nothing. He steps out and starts to walk down the hall, when he suddenly feels something hit him in the back of the head. The blackness is instant and he falls to
the floor. Meanwhile downstairs, 99 is being wined and dined by John Foxworthy.

Foxworthy: I was surprised to get your invitation for dinner, Ms. Hampton.

99: I was rather surprised myself. (taking a sip of the wine) I hear you’re a very important man, Mr. Foxworthy.

Foxworthy: John, please.

99: (smiling) John, what is it you do?

Foxworthy: Well, my dear, let’s not worry about that right now. Right now, I’m more interested in knowing about you.

Outside in the van, Max and Maxine can hear every word of the conversation.

Maxine: This is great, Dad. We can hear every single word in there.

Max: (sarcastically) Yeah. Peachy. Just great. Where is your brother?

Maxine: I don’t know. Maybe he found something.

Just then, there was a knocking at the back door and both Maxes look at it suspiciously.

Parker: Open up, it’s me.

Maxine: (to Max) It’s Austin.

Max: (sarcastically) Yes, I heard. Let him in.

Maxine opens the door and Parker steps in and closes it behind him.

Max: What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be inside watching my wife?

Parker: Well, I’d like to be…

Max: (suspiciously) What’s that mean?

Parker: What’s what mean?

Maxine: Dad, calm down.

Parker: Foxworthy said he wanted a nice dinner alone and I was practically thrown out. (looking around) Where’s Zach?

Maxine: Don’t know. Last time we heard from him he said he was coming back here and he’s not yet.

Max: Are you telling me you left my wife in that house with a dangerous KAOS kisser?!

Maxine and Parker look at Max.

Maxine: (correcting him) Killer, Dad. Dangerous KAOS killer.

Max: I know! That’s what I said. 99 is there with Foxworthy by herself….

Maxine: She’s not by herself, Dad. Zach’s in there. Somewhere.

Max: 99 is there with Foxworthy and no one lucid is in there with her. One of us has to go in there. (looks at Parker)

Max looks at Parker, then Maxine, who are looking at him.

Max: (looking at them both curiously) Now wait a minute….

Maxine: Well, as you said Dad, she is your wife.

Max: And your mother! (looks at her) It’s nice to know that I’m not the only person you aren’t loyal to. Fine. I’ll rescue her. But you’re finding Zach.

Parker: Well, they’re both in the house, so how do we get in?

Max: Max and I will go through the back. They think we’re working on the cable. You go to the front and distract Foxworthy.

Parker: By doing what?

Max: (annoyed) I don’t know! Be original! Tell him you’re selling cookies! Just go and keep him away from 99!

The three leave from the van and go toward their targets. Parker gets to the door, knocks, and then frantically starts to think what he’s going to say. The door opens and on the other side is Foxworthy himself.

Foxworthy: Yes?

Parker: (loss for words, stutters) Is…is…is Ms. Hampton in here?

Foxworthy: Well, of course she is! You drove her here!

Parker: (pushing his way in) Good!

99: (seeing Parker) Austin! What’re you doing here?

Parker: I have something important to tell you. Outside.

99: Why outside?

Parker: Why? Because…it’s very…for your ears only.

Foxworthy: (talking to servant) (to 99) I have some business to take care of upstairs. Why don’t you two talk down here?

99: If you’re sure it’ll be alright.

Foxworthy: (heading upstairs) It’s fine. I’ll be down in a minute. (disappears upstairs)

99: (to Parker) Austin, why…

Parker: Have you seen Zach?

99: Have I seen Zach? No, why? Is he here?

Parker: Somewhere, supposedly. He came in to place an extra bug in here and he didn’t come back to the van.

99: Where’re Max and Maxine?

Parker: They went through the back to look for him. Incidentally, nothing happened in here right?

99: (looks at him in confusion, then realizes what he means) (shocked) Austin! I am a married woman you
know!

Parker: I know that! It’s not my concern! It’s the Chief’s. Not to say that I’m not concerned, but if he hadn’t planted that bug on you and had Zach in here…

99: (stopping him) Wait. He what?

Parker: (realizes mistake) I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. In fact, disavow any knowledge that you know about that.

99: Austin…

Max: 99!

99 and Parker turn to see Max and Maxine coming from the kitchen.

99: (running towards Max) Max!

Max: 99! [about to hug her, but she stops him]

99: I’m not talking to you.

Max: What?! Why?

99: What do you mean why? Because you don’t trust me!

Max: What’re you talking about, 99? I trust you.

99:You do not.

Max: Yes, I do.

Maxine: Could we not do this right now?

Max and 99 continue to argue, as Maxine and Parker try and stop them.

Foxworthy: (on stairs) I hope I’m not disturbing anything.

Everyone looks up and finds Foxworthy on the stairs with Zach.

Foxworthy: (holding Zach by collar of shirt) Lose something?

Foxworthy then reveals a gun and places it underneath Zach’s throat.

Zach: (scared)(to everyone downstairs) I’m in a considerable amount of trouble. Who’s going to save me?

Foxworthy motions for Zach to join the others downstairs and then holds the gun on them.

Foxworthy: Well, Smart, looks like your plans fell through a little.

Max: So you knew this was a set up all long.

Foxworthy: Oh, I knew from the funeral, Mr. Smart. Who do you think had that dirt tracker park there? But enough of this. You seem to be a fairly good sport, how about a proposition?

Max: What kind of proposition?

Foxworthy: Your lives (indicating the four) for your wife’s. (points at 99) KAOS could earn a lot of revenue with Mrs. Smart on our side.

Max: (angered) Forget it!

Zach: You can have me, Mr. Foxworthy. I hear KAOS gives out a lot of raises. (look from Max)

Max: Traitor.

Zach: You’ve already stated that.

Foxworthy: Alright, Mr. Smart, have it your way. (pointing gun at him)

Max: (thinking quickly)(points behind Foxworthy) Look, your kitchen’s on fire!

Foxworthy quickly turns his head, allowing Max to knock the gun out of his hand and hit him. The blow from the hit caused Max to turn around in pain, holding his hand. Foxworthy quickly got back up and took a swing at Max.

Zach: Dad, watch out!

The two men proceeded to continue to fight. Parker is about to try and come between the two men, but Zach stops him.

Zach: Let him fight it out.

Maxine: But shouldn’t we do something to stop them?

Zach: No! Dad hasn’t this much fun in I don’t know how long.

 

******COMMERCIAL BREAK******

 

SETTING: CONTROL headquarters. Max is just finishing up a few things when 99 walks in.

99: Hi, Max.

Max: (sarcastically) I see you’re talking to me now. Does that also mean I can park on local streets again? Not that I mind, but the ten blocks I run from alley to here are really starting to hurt my legs.

99: (slightly annoyed) Well, you started it. Making poor Austin make that stupid pill. You know Max isn’t talking to him.

Max: Poor Austin? What about poor me who had to beg and plead Maxine to do this case in the first place, but NOOOO! She has to have morals. (eye roll from 99) Anyways, 99, I am sorry for getting you in this, but everything worked out for the end. Foxworthy’s behind bars, KAOS’ s money supply is shortened for the time being, and…you’re talking to me again.

99: Only because I can’t stay mad at you.

Max: (nodding) I’ve grown on you.

99: I was on my way home and decided to stop by and see if you were coming.

Max: Almost done.

99: (heading out) Okay. I’ll be downstairs. (as she’s leaving) You know, I still have one of Parker’s pills left.

Max: (suspiciously) What’re you going to do with it?

99: (glances at him) You’ll see. (leaves)

Max looks up from his work and stares at the door that 99 just left through. Throwing the papers he was working on into his desk, he starts off after her.

Max: (to himself) I never get tired of this job.(leaves)

 

 

THE ENDING CREDITS TO GET SMART!

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