The Hammer & Nails
SETTING: The docks. In a misty bar in the harbor, sits a man at the bar. He’s wearing a black jacket and a blue beanie on his head. As he turns, we see that this is Agent 78, Zachary Smart. He continues
to sit and look around as he takes a drink.
As he sits, the door opens and a man in a navy yard uniform walks in. He and Smart exchange glances and
the man walks over to where Zach is. The man sits down and orders drink. Zach turns around and starts to eat the peanuts on the bar table.
Man: My mama done told me. When I was in knee-pants. My mama done told me, son.
Zach: What did she tell you?
Man: A woman’ll sweet talk.
Man: And give you the big eye.
Man: And when the sweet talking’s done.
Zach: Keep on a talking.
Man: A woman’s a two-face, a worrisome thing to leave you to sing the blues.
Zach: The blues.
Man: Yes. In the night.
Zach: Agent 37?
Zach: Are you agent 37?
Man: [looks at Zach] No.
Zach: [looks at man] No!?
Man: [extending hand] I’m Harry Reynolds. I sell shoes. And you?
Zach: Timothy Grayson and I think I’ve made a terrible mistake. [gets up and moves to a table]
As Zach sits down at the table, another man comes up and starts to talk to Zach.
Man #2: My mama done told me. When I was…
Zach: [unaware of 2nd man] Look, Mr. Reynolds, we went over that at the bar. I said I was mistaken.
Man: [whispering] 78!
Zach: [looks up] [whispering] Agent 37?
Man: Yes. Zachary Smart?
Zach: Correct. Have a seat. [37 sits down] What took you so long to get here? You told me to meet you at ten. It’s already 11:15pm.
37: I apologize, Smart, but I think what I found will be to your interest.
Zach: I bet. Well, go on.
37: I just found out how KAOS plans to send their agent code book for this year. They’re using prisoners from around the states to pass them along to other agents who visit them in prison.
Zach: That’s fantastic! How did you find that out?
37: Asked around, then got to the guards.
Zach: You think that was wise? Bribing the guards like that? What if they were on the take?
37: Smart, at the time, I really didn’t care! It was a matter of security!
Zach: So is extortion! You know what could happen to you? You could be fired. You’ll be kicked right of CONTROL. Luckily for you, I’m an understanding man.
37: [frustrated and annoyed] Just get that information back to CONTROL and quickly. I have a feeling my life’s in danger.
Zach: Don’t worry, 37. With me beside you, you’re in perfect hands. With me protecting you, you’ll probably live until the ripe old age of a hundred.
Just then, Reynolds, who had been listening in on the agents conversation, removed an item from his jacket. It looks like a pistol with a silencer. He aimed the gun at 37 and fired. 37 gasped and looked Zach, then collapsed on the table.
Zach: Would you believe the ripe age of thirty? [gets up to look at 37] [checks pulse] Dead.
Zach looks around the bar for any suspects and notices that Reynolds is missing. He calmly goes to the bar and calls over the bartender.
Zach: Bartender. [bartender comes over] See that man on the table over? [motions with his head]
Zach: He won’t be drinking any more tonight.
THE NEW OPENING CREDITS OF GET SMART!!!
SETTING: CONTROL headquarters, the Chief’s office. Chief Maxwell Smart nervously paces the floor of his office. His wife, congresswoman Agent 99, sits on the edge of his desk, looking at her watch. Their daughter, Agent 24, Maxine Smart, is on her father’s phone, talking to the warden of the Washington
State Penitentiary. She hangs up with a very disappointed look on her face. Max stops to look at her.
Maxine: It’s official. As of sometime last night, Michael J. Slammer was released from prison. About ten years off of his initial sentence.
99: [sighs] Poor Zach. I don’t even think he knows yet.
Max: Let’s be discreet about telling him. We don’t want him to fall to pieces over this. It’ll be just a matter of time before Slammer is back in the…
Like clockwork, Zach was at work at exactly 8:30am that morning. He was usually there by eight, but with everything that had happened the night before, he overslept and was now running late.
He rushed from the parking lot and quickly made it into the Chief’s inner office. He noticed that Trudi, the office secretary wasn’t in or was rather sent home. Again. So Zach walked into his father’s office, all smiles.
Zach: Hey, gang! What’s up?
The Smarts just looked at Zach.
Maxine: [crying] Oh Zach! [runs over to her brother and hugs him] Poor, sweet, loving Zach.
Zach: [not responding to hug] [slightly confused] Was it something I said?
Maxine: I know that you and I have had our differences in the past, but for as long as you’re left on earth, I think we should try to make anew our wrongs.
Zach: [looks at Maxine] First of all, let go. Secondly…for as long as I’m left on earth? What are you talking about? Am I going somewhere?
99: Oh poor Zach.
Zach: You too?
99: My one and only son. No mother could’ve had a better angel. [hugs him]
Zach: [annoyed] [to Max] Dad, it seems as though you’re the beacon of logic today, what’s going on?
Max just stares at his son, looking for the right words.
Max: [after awhile] Poor Zach.
Zach: [angry] If I hear ‘Poor Zach’ one more time…
Suddenly, Agent 66 comes running in, crying, sees Zach and gives him a great big hug.
66: Oh poor Zach!!
Zach: [annoyed] As quite a turn-on as this is…Dad, [starts to walk to desk, but can’t move] excuse me, ladies. [the girls let go] I think that as long as I’m going to be treated this way, I think I should
Max: Zach…Zach, you see…Well…Zachary, I have some bad news for you.
Zach: [concerned] I don’t like the sound of this. That’s the exact same line you used when you accidentally blew up my turtle when I was little.
Max: Well, Zach, it’s just that…well…
99: We got some bad news today that might…upset you.
Zach: [eyes grow wide] [calmly] I knew this would happen one day.
66: You did?
Zach: Yes. It happens to the best of us. So who is it? Agent Porter? Agent Whills?
Zach: Who beat me out of best dressed spy? I know it was one of them.
99: Zach, what are you talking about?
Zach: I can take it. Go on. Give it to me straight.
Max: [annoyed] Zach, your position as best dressed spy has not been taken.
Zach: [surprised] It hasn’t? Oh well, then. Don’t do that to me.
Max: Zach, I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this.
Zach: I thought I lost best dressed. That would probably kill me.
Maxine: Kill you! [starts to cry again]
Zach: [looks at Maxine] Yes. I don’t think I could live without that.
99: Live! [crying also]
Zach: [looks at 99] Not literally, of course. [to Max] Don’t do that, Dad. Scared me to death.
66: [crying] Death!
Zach: [looks at 66] There seems to be some kind of theme emerging here. Something about me and…[thinks for a moment, then gulps] death. You found out the results of my physical. Give it to me straight, Dad. I can take it.
Max: It’s not your physical, Zach, but it is much worse. I’m sure you remember Michael Slammer.
Zach: “The Hammer” Slammer? Yeah, I remember him. I put him a way for a long time. Do you remember when he swore he would get even with me? [laughs] Stupid, dumb ape. He’ll be making license plates and burly friends named Bubba for a long time. [laughs again] Why do you ask?
Max: Well, Slammer won’t be in jail for that long. It fact, he might be in for shorter than you’d probably expect.
Zach: [concerned] Dad, don’t tell me The Hammer escaped!
Max: He didn’t escape.
Zach: [sighs] good.
Max: He got out early on good behavior.
Zach: [nervous and scared] Dad, I asked you not to tell me that!
Max: No, you asked me not to tell you that Hammer escaped and he didn’t. He got early release.
Zach is stunned. He stands there, taking it all in and then finally, he comes back to earth.
Zach: [crying] Poor Zach.
The scene switches to a dark alley way pub, where two men are meeting in a back room. On the wall to the back, is a picture of a large vulture hovering over the world and underneath were the words KAOS: We aim to destroy.
Man #1: We’re certainly glad you’re willing to do this, Hammer.
Hammer: Listen, KAOS did a lot for me, getting me out and all. It’s the least I could do.
Man: Yes, well, we also need you to take care of another little problem for us.
Hammer: Zach Smart? Don’t worry. I gotta score to settle with him.
Hammer turns and punches the wall. He removes his hand and a large impression is left in the wall.
Man: [stunned] How did you do that? That has to be fifteen ft. of solid concrete. And you’re not hurt?
Hammer: Smart’s the one who’s gonna be hurt. When I’m done with him, his face will look like that wall.
SETTING: CONTROL headquarters. After forcing Zach to leave and go home, Max, 66, and Maxine try to think how to save Zach from Hammer.
66: Chief, exactly how dangerous is Mike Slammer?
Max: First of all, he has incredible strength. His hands are like steel hammers, which is where he got the nickname from. Second, he’s very cunning. If it wasn’t for Zach, Hammer may have never gone to jail in the first place.
Maxine: And thirdly, I found out how he got out in the first place. Besides good behavior, KAOS paid for his release. Hammer’s a dangerous man anyways, but with KAOS behind him, Zach’s in more trouble than ever.
66: What exactly did Zach DO to get Hammer so mad at him?
Maxine: Didn’t you hear about the case? This was before you join CONTROL, I think. Zach was on a rookie assignment when he ran into Hammer. At the time, Hammer was really big on enforcing laws on innocent citizens and he loved getting rid of CONTROL agents. Well, rumor has it that Zach was following a tip on a KAOS agent and tracked him to the location where Hammer was.
Maxine: They got into this big fight and in self defense, Zach shot him. Hammer got away, but because of Zach’ s description of him and his car, they picked Hammer up and he was taken to jail. After Zach testified at the hearing, Hammer swore that if he ever got out, he would personally see to it that Zach would never see again. And from then on, Hammer hasn’t been too crazy for Zach.
66: I wish there was something we could do for Zach. Did you see him before he left? He’s really worried about it.
Max: I’ve already taken the liberty of that, 66. I have Parker and the boys at Zach’s apartment now, installing state of the art weaponry and protection devices just in case. Also, seeing as you girls are in the same building, I want you to do a stake of the whole building and stake out his apartment tonight until we know what exactly we’re going to be dealing with.
66: Maybe Zach should take a vacation, Chief.
Max: I tried that, but he refuses to go. He is on a case, you know.
66: Chief, I’ll be more than happy to take it.
Max: I know you would and that’s what I told, Zach, but he’s gonna tough it out.
Maxine: I don’t see how Zach will work this case. He can’t really leave home and the fact that’s he’s too freaked whenever he hears a noise might be detrimental to him and this case.
Max: [sighs] Let’s not talk about it. Now, with the information Zach gave us, we should be able to work this case out. What did Zach say, 66?
66: He only repeated what Agent 37 told him last night. KAOS has been shipping their code books through prisons all around the country.
Max: I don’t understand it. How is KAOS getting those books in and how are they getting out?
Maxine: Daddy, I think the key to this is where and when. If we find out when the books are coming, we might be able to establish how and who.
Max: What about where?
Maxine: What about what?
Max: Not what. Where. What will where tell us?
Maxine: Oh. Well, where will tell us how the books are getting in and out.
66: How. How will where tell us how the books are getting in and out?
Maxine: Oh. Well, the way I figure is that if we know what and we certainly know who, that stands to reason we need a why, how, where, and when, right? Well, if when tells us….
Max: [confused] Wait, wait. Stop. Stop, Maxine. I don’t want to get into another one of those tongue twisters. The last time, I had my jaw wired shut.
Maxine: Now, Dad, you can’t blame us for that. Mom said she was sorry. She had to do what she had to do.
Max: Yeah. I noticed you guys got ice cream and steaks. I was fed pop tarts through my nose.
Maxine: [sarcastically] I’m glad you’re not bitter, Dad.
Max: We’ll talk about this on the way to Zach’s. I wanna make sure he’s okay and the Parker put everything in place.
The three head over to Zach’s apartment and discover the boys from the lab are done. Parker was still there, keeping a watch on Zach. Zach was pacing back and forth through the living room and eyeing Parker intensely.
Zach: I’m not a prisoner, you know!
Parker: [ignoring Zach] [to Max] Chief, thank God, you’re here. Now maybe I can go home.
Max: Why? What’s the problem? You got everything installed, right?
Parker: Yeah, I got everything installed. No thanks to Zach!
66: [walking over to Zach] Zach, what’s wrong with you?
Zach: I’m perfectly capable of handling Hammer myself. That’s what I did last time. I refuse to let this guy under my skin.
Parker: Would you like to see what the boys and I installed, Chief?
Max: Please do. [to Zach] Zach, have you seen this stuff yet?
Zach: No! and I don’t plan to!
66: Zach. Your life’s in danger. You can’t take anything for granted. Please. For me.
Zach: [looks at 66] I’ve decided to take a look at the gadgets installed in my apartment.
Parker: Well, first, if you’ll follow me over to the fire place, I’ll show you the alternate escape route. [they all follow] This button here will allow you to escape if you have to out the fire place.
Just make sure you don’t have a fire going.
Zach: Why? What will happen?
Parker: [sarcastically] You’ll be burned to a crisp. Now, over on you couch, I’ve installed hidden weapons, so be very careful where you sit and touch. In the middle pillow is a 10in. dagger that will
pop out and strike your enemy by just pushing the blue button by the phone.
Zach: Blue button. Right.
Parker: Now, if you sit on the edge of the couch and press the first button underneath, a powerful smoke screen will come from the vents. It’s not poisonous, but if you inhale for too long, it could be fatal.
Maxine: Austin, what happens if Zach does press the button by mistake or he uses it? Won’t he need a gas mask?
Parker: Way ahead of you. This hanky [pulls hanky from pocket] is really a gas mask. Just pull the corners and you’ll be okay. I put one in your bedroom. Over on the table, actually under the table, are
a series of buttons.
Zach: I think I’ll explain that, Parker. You see, I decided to take matters in my own hand. So I cleverly put in my own inventions. Underneath this table are five buttons. The green button is for a net that I had installed this morning. The purple button activates my sub machine gun I have hidden in that picture on the wall.
Max: Sub machine gun? Is that a CONTROL issue?
Zach: Of course not! CONTROL would never sell anything with that much fire power and destruction to it. I ordered it from the Detroit Gun Club. The white button activates my mini tape recorder. The black button
is for tiny explosives that I’ve strategically placed around the apartment.
Maxine: Zach, isn’t that a little dangerous? I mean, if you press it, you might get caught in the cross fire.
Zach: Protection does have its draw backs, baby sister. At least, the world will be safe from the menace who makes me use it. Now the red button…I can’t really take credit for the red button. That was a Dad brilliant idea moment. This little red button activates my invisible wall. [Zach presses the button and a noise is heard]
66: Well, where is it?
Max: It’s invisible! Well, Zach, I have to hand it to you. That wall is absolutely great.
Zach: Thanks, Pop.
Zach goes to lean on what he thinks is the invisible wall, but he just hits air and falls down. He quickly gets back up and seems very upset.
Zach: Where’s my invisible wall!? [walks around] Now, I told the guys to install it right there. They probably didn’t hear me. Maybe I can still catch them.
Zach turns around and walks head first into the invisible wall and falls to the ground.
Zach: Oh. Never mind. I found it.
After everyone had left, Zach decided to take a shower and watch a little TV. He came downstairs in his personal 78 boxers.
Maxine: [sitting on couch] Hi, Zach.
Zach: [coming downstairs] Hey, Max. What’s up? [heads towards the kitchen]
Maxine: [continues to watch TV] Nothing much.
Zach disappears into the kitchen, but quickly comes back, stunned by the fact that his sister is comfortably watching TV on his couch.
Zach: Max! What’re you doing here?
Maxine: I’m watching TV.
Zach: Yes, well…yes, I can see that, but why aren’t you watching TV in your apartment?
Maxine: Dad wanted me to come over and keep watch over you.
Zach: What! Oh that’s it! [walking over to phone]
Maxine: Who are you calling?
Zach: I should call the police, but I won’t. I’ll just call Dad instead.
Within minutes, Max and 99 are in Zach’s apartment, arguing over the fact that not only will Maxine be keeping watch, but 66 is also spending the night.
Zach: She’s what!? Forget it! No dice!
99: Zach, this is for your own good!
Zach: This is a bachelor pad. How can I have a bachelor pad, if I’ve got my sister on my couch and my partner who knows where?
Maxine: I thought you’d be delighted with that last part.
Zach: [looks at his sister] [mocking her] I thought you’d be delighted with that last part. Shut up!
Max: Zachary, your sister stays until 66 comes back to relive her and that’s an order!
Zach: I don’t have to stand here and listen to this! I’m going home! [walks out door, but then comes back] I forgot this was my home. And that I’m not properly dress. Do you see what you’ve done? Now, you’ve got me all confused!
Max: Zach, as of late, we haven’t heard from or about Mike Slammer, which means he’s either going to leave you alone or kill you. I’m just making sure, that’s all. That’s why I put in plan Omega into
Zach: Wow, plan Omega. You mean, every available agent is looking out for me?
Zach: And…and there…are agents covering the building?
Max: That’s where 66 went. To brief the other agents. [look of surprise on Zach’s face] You think I’d let my number one son live in fear and danger?
Zach: And there are agents staked in the hotel across the street?
Max: [hesitant] Two blocks down the street.
Zach: TWO BLOCKS DOWN THE STREET?!? Why two blocks down the street? Why not one block?
Max: I’m sorry, Zach, I couldn’t help it. The hotel across the street cost $50 buck a day to stay there and apparently there’s some kind of convention going on and all the hotels are being used.
Zach: Well, what good is that gonna do me?! I could be killed!
Maxine: Well, at least your mind’s not on 66 staying here.
Zach: And on that subject…
For the next hour, Max finally talked Zach into a calm existence with 66’s spending the night. After everyone left, 66 came over with her stuff and started to get set up on the couch.
66: [seeing Zach uneasiness] Zach, will you calm down? I’ll be on the couch all night and your apartment’s been booby-trapped. Nothing will happen.
Zach: I’m not worried about that, but now that you bring it up, what’s this going to look like? What happens if I am killed, how do I explain a strange woman in my apartment?
Zach: Not that you’re strange, of course, just…what would my mother say?
66: She was all for it. In fact, she seemed rather insistent on it.
Zach: What does she know? She’s in Congress. It takes them forty minutes to decide whether it’s decaf or regular.
66: Zach, I’m surprised at you.
Zach: Sorry. I’m just…I’m just a little on edge. I’ve been in this kind of situation before, but this is different. I know how the Hammer works and if I make one wrong move, I’m done for.
66: Why don’t you go and take a shower? It’ll relax you.
Zach went upstairs and took a shower. He came out into the bedroom in his towel and started looking for his boxers. He picked his jacket off of the floor and hung it over one of the books on his computer desk.
66: Don’t forget to turn on the alarm, Zach.
Zach: I won’t.
66: If you need anything, just holler.
Zach: I will…66, I’m not a little kid.
66: I know. Could you do me another favor? Could you move your jacket? I can’t see you.
Zach goes to pick up the jacket, but then stops and starts to look around.
Zach: [nervously] 66, where are you?
66: I’m downstairs. I’m watching you on TV through the book on your desk.
Zach: [lifting up jacket] [sees camera] Close circuit, huh?
66: Uh-huh. Parker put it in this afternoon.
Zach: Wow, that’s pretty cool.
66: Yeah, I can see everything you do.
Zach: Really? That’s neat.
66: I didn’t know you had a tattoo.
Zach: [looks at tattoo on arm] Yes, I got it…[covers arm and backs away from book] Now…now, just a minute, 66, this…this is infringing on my privacy.
66: Zach, I’ve seen you in a towel before.
Zach: Yes, but I was wearing swim trunks UNDER the towel.
66: I think it’s kinda sexy.
Zach: Flattery will not help you. Now, you just turn that thing off until I get dressed and come down there.
66: But Zach, what if something happens to you?
Zach: I don’t care!
66: But how will I know you’re in trouble?
Zach: I’ll use an old spy technique for if an agent’s in danger.
66: What will you do?
Zach: I’ll call for help. Better yet, I’ll just scream.
66: Zach, it would be simpler if I just….
Zach: If you do, then I will scream! Now, just turn that thing off until I get down there.
A couple of minutes later, Zach comes downstairs and looks at 66.
66: It was off, Zach, I swear.
Zach: [continues down stairs] Okay.
66: Did you finally find your boxers?
Zach: Yes, they were over by the…[looks at 66]
66: [sees Zach] I heard you from upstairs, complaining you couldn’t find them.
Zach: Yes, well…let’s get our minds off this and talk about the case at hand. Did you find anything when you checked that prison today?
66: Nothing. If there is a KAOS agent there, he wasn’t talking. Max is down at the prison where the Hammer was to check on stuff. Just in case. [the phone starts to ring] I’ll get it. [picks up] Hello?
Oh yes, he’s here. Just a minute. [to Zach] Zach, it’s for you.
Zach: [taking phone] Hello?
Hammer: Hello, Smart.
Zach: Who is this?
Hammer: You don’t recognize your old buddy, The Hammer. Don’t attract any attention, Smart. I can see you from here.
Zach: [happily] Well, well, it’s my old friend, Mike. How are you, Mike?
Hammer: I’ve been watching you. Do you really think all that stuff in your apartment’s gonna stop me?
Zach: The girl? Oh yeah, she’s a friend of mine.
Hammer: Oh, I know who she is. And if you don’t want nothing to happen to her, I suggest that you call off your squad.
Zach: I can’t do that. [looks at 66] I can’t go out tonight. It was my dad’s decision.
Hammer: When will they be gone?
Zach: [gulping] By tomorrow, I promise.
Hammer: Good. Watch your step, Smart. I don’t forget a promise and I made you a promise that I intend to keep.
SETTING: CONTROL headquarters. Max, 99, and Maxine are looking at possible places that Mike Slammer might be.
Maxine: Well, I found out that another KAOS code book is going tonight. I’ve made sure there’re agents covering the prison to look for suspicious characters.
Max: Good work, Max. No matter what, we can’t let another code book leave the prisons. It be so much easier if I had Zach on this case again.
Maxine: Didn’t you hear? As far as Zach’s concerned, he still IS on this case. [66 walks in]
66: Chief, has Zach been in here this morning?
Max: No. Why?
99:[worried] Has something happened?
66: [sighs] No, I was just wondering. I left Agent 22 with him when I left.
Maxine: Agent 22? Do you think that’s wise? You know how they don’t like each other.
66: I told 22 if anything happens, call me. That way, what ever fight they get into, I can get there and stop it. Incidentally, Chief, any word on the Hammer’s whereabouts?
Max: Yeah, in fact I’m glad you’re here. You can help us block off the city.
99: The whole city? Are we trying to keep the Hammer in town?
Max: Not particularly. At least if we have the city blocked off, if he’s gone, he can’t get back in and if he’s still in town, he can’t leave. [Zach walks in, nervously] Zach! What’re you doing here?
Zach: I got bored. I have a mad man killer who’s set on destroying me and to make matters worse, I’m being babysat by Agent 22, a person I can’t stand.
99: How did you leave the apartment? All agents are under instructions to stop you from leaving.
Zach: I gave him knock out drops in his coffee, then tied him up. As for those other agents, I gave them the slip, which incidentally…not a very protection squad if you ask me.
Zach: Don’t worry. I didn’t tie him to the couch.
Max: Zach, go home, untie 22, and stay at home.
Zach: Dad, I just can’t stay in my apartment all day! It’s driving me crazy! Look, let me do one productive thing here at work and I promise I’ll go home. Please, Pop.
Max: [sighs] Fine. One thing, then you go home?
Max: You can help us with the block.
Zach: The block?
66: The Chief’s decided to block off the city, just to keep the Hammer out.
Zach: Lovely plan. I hope it works. For my sake.
The five of them got to work quickly by dispatching agents right and left. Zach stood by the map, placing small pins where agents were stationed, while Max, 99, 66, and Maxine handle the phones.
Max: [on phone] Right. Good job, 45. [hangs up. To Zach] Zach, Agents 45, 23, and 88 are covering highways 32, 90, and 74.
99: [on phone] Excellent, 25! [to Zach] Agents 25, 18, and 20 are staked out at highways 139, 95, and 452.
Zach: Right. Agents 74, 139, and 90 are staked out at highways 45, 18, and 20.
Max: No, Zach. Agents 45, 23, 88, 139, and 452 are staked out on…
99: No, Max. Agents 45, 23, 88, 25, 18, and 20 are staked out on highways 32, 90, 74, 139, 95, and 452.
Max: Right, 99. That’s what I was getting to.
66: [getting off phone] Chief, Agents 22, 77, and 94 are now at highways 103, 114, and 67.
Max: [writing] Right. Got that, Zach?
Zach: [staring at map, confused] Um…yeah. Agents 103, 67, 32, 90, 66, and 99…
Max: No, Zach, you’re getting 66 and your mother confused with the highways. Agents 103…
66: No, Chief. I just reported Agents 22, 77, and 94 were at highway markings 103, 114, and 67. And before that Mrs. Smart reported that Agents 45, 23, 88, 25, 18, and 20 were on highways 32, 90, 74, 139, 95, and 452. [to Zach] Did you get that, Zach?
Zach: Not quite.
66: Well, what part did you miss?
Zach: Everything after “no, Chief.”
Another thirty minutes past as the team still tried to block off Washington.
Trudi: Chief, I just called out Agents 61 and 52.
66: [on phone] What? Hold on, I’ll check. [to Trudi] Trudi, did you send Agent 61 west on Asher Blvd and Agent 52 east on Asher?
Trudi: Yeah. Why?
99: Asher Blvd is a one way street.
Max: [annoyed] Trudi…
Trudi: I know. Go and call Agents 61 and 52. [phone rings, 66 answers]
66: [to Trudi] Never mind, Trudi. There’s been
a terrible wreck on Asher Blvd.
Max: Go home, Trudi.
Trudi: Are you sure you guys want me to leave?
Trudi: You guys won’t need me at all?
Trudi: I’m sure there’s something…
Everyone: GO HOME! [Trudi leaves]
Zach: Okay, Dad, I think I got it. Agents 22, 77, 94, 45, 23, 88, 25, 18, and 20 on staked out on highways 103, 114, 67, 32, 90, 74, 139, 95, and 452.
66: Great, Zach!
Zach: [confused] Or was it Agents 103, 144, 29, 99, and 66 were on highways 13, 45, 67…
Max: Whatever, Zach.
Maxine: [on phone] That’s great! [hangs up] Well, that’s it, Dad. Every agent is covering all the major highways in Washington leading in and out.
Max: Great. [stands, walks to the map] If the Hammer’s still in town, he won’t be leaving.
Maxine: [sees pin at top of map] Zach, what’s that pin for?
Zach: Which one?
Maxine: The one at the top. What’s it for?
Zach: [seeing pin] Oh, it’s just a pin.
Maxine: Well, could you take it off? It’s really confusing.
Zach: I’d rather not, Maxine. It may be just a pin, but it plays a very important role.
66: Well, not if it’s up there and not representing any agent. Maxine’s right, that pin is very confusing. You really should take it off.
Zach: [annoyed] And I’m telling you, I can’t. It’s important. You’ll all be sorry if I take off.
Maxine: [angry] Zach, will you just take the pin off! Dad, make him take the pin off.
Zach: Fine! [removes pin]
When Zach removes the pin, the map falls to the ground and all the pins that were placed now lay on the carpet. Everyone stands in silence, with Zach smirking.
Zach: See? I told you it was important, but did you listen? No. I bet you all feel pretty silly right now, don’t you?
Max: Nobody likes a nag, Zach.
SETTING: Zach’s apartment. After arguing over whether he should go home or not, Max accompanied Zach home in order to keep an eye on him. Max and 99 both decided to keep watch over Zach.
99: Zach, this is really for your own good.
Zach: I just feel like a prisoner in here. I know the Hammer’s watching my every move.
Max: Zachary, you’re over-exaggerating.
Zach: No. The Hammer called me last night and said he was going to kill me. He’s just across the street in that hotel.
99: Zach! Why didn’t you tell us this before?
Zach: If you notice, nothing’s happened to me. Yet.
Max: Zach, I really think you shouldn’t be taking this lightly.
Zach: I haven’t. I’ve got my apartment rigged and I’ve got my car rigged. Nothing will happen to me. I hope.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. Zach pulled his gun from his pant waist.
Zach: [to Max and 99] Get behind me. I’ll activate the invisible wall. [pushes red button] Who is it?
Voice: Cleaning crew.
Zach: [putting gun away] Oh. Come on in. [to Max and 99] It’s just the cleaning crew.
The door opens and two men wearing black coats and black shades.
Zach: Wait a minute. We don’t HAVE a cleaning crew in this building.
The two men pulled out guns and pointed them at the Smarts. One of the men removed his shades and it revealed to be Mike “The Hammer” Slammer.
Hammer: Long time no see, huh, Smart?
Zach: Just what do you think you’re doing?
Hammer: I might kill you, if I was so inclined.
Zach: You couldn’t. For you see, Hammer, my parents and I are protected by an invisible wall, that is capable of repelling your wimpy bullets. Go on. Shoot. Take your best shot.
Hammer: You’re awfully cocky, Smart.
Zach smirked at the remark. 99 was a little worried and looked behind them.
Zach, still smiling, went to tap on the invisible wall in front of them and hit air. He turned around behind and knocked on the invisible wall.
Zach: Oops. It seems as though my calculations on the place of the wall were a little off.
Hammer: Step aside, Smart.
The Smarts walked over to the couch, as instructed by Hammer. Zach figured he would get the drop on them with the net.
Hammer: You lied, Smart. There are still agents all over this building. I’d kill you now, but…there’s some fun in tormenting you before you die.
Zach: It’s nice to know that I have that special place in your heart.
Hammer: You know, Smart, [walking over by fireplace] I’ve been waiting to kill you for a long time.
Zach decided to forgo on the net and get Hammer with the dagger. He sat down cautiously and put his hand over the blue button.
Zach: You don’t mind if I sit down, do you, Hammer? I get a little tipsy when my life’s in danger.
Hammer: You know, if it weren’t for KAOS, I wouldn’t be here right now.
99, seeing Zach reaching for the blue button and sensing Hammer’s way of bragging, she decided to question him.
99: Exactly what will you do for KAOS, now that you’re a free man?
Hammer: Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to kill your son.
Max: Surely you’re doing more interesting things than that. [looks from Zach]
Hammer: Let’s just say, I’ve got the connections KAOS needs.
Zach quickly pushed the button for the dagger to come out, but strangely it wasn’t coming.
99: [nervously] So, um…you’ve got something KAOS wants? Is…is that it? [looking at Zach]
Hammer: I know what you’re getting at, Mrs. Smart. And it won’t work.
Zach is still pressing the button and trying to make the dagger come out, but still trying to make it seem as though he’s truly listening.
99: What do you mean? I’m just making conversation.
The Hammer moved towards the couch, just as the dagger ejected from it’s hiding place and embedded in the wall behind the Hammer. He instantly turned around and saw the dagger.
Hammer: Where’d that dagger come from?
Zach: What dagger?
Hammer: [moving towards] I don’t know what you’re pulling, Smart, but I ain’t staying here to see you finish it.
Zach gets up and takes a small remote with him.
Zach: I really don’t know what you’re talking about.
The other man with Hammer called his attention to some CONTROL agents outside. The instant Hammer turned his back, Zach pushed one of the buttons on the remote and jumped back. Just as quick, a large net came down and fell on Zach’s head. The two men both turn around and see this large net over Zach.
Hammer: Where’d that net come from?
Zach: [folding his arms] What net?
Hammer: Too bad I can’t kill you here. You’ll be hearing from me soon, Smart. [leaves]
Zach: [throwing off net] Quick! We gotta get to the window.
Max: Why? [following Zach]
Zach: [at window] See this remote? I linked it up so that I can control my car from my apartment. As soon as they come down the stairs, I’ll blow up their car with my exhaust canon.
Within minutes, Hammer and his accomplice came out of the building and quickly hurried to their car. They pulled out and went past Zach’s car in the parking lot. As they went past, Zach pushed one of the buttons and a large boom came from his car. Smoke was everywhere, but when it cleared, hammer was still driving away.
Zach: I got it! I got the Hammer!
99: Zach, are you sure?
Zach: Sure I’m sure! See that twisted metal of wreckage in the parking lot? That’s the remains of Hammer’s car.
Max: Zach, I saw the Hammer and he went blazing out of the parking lot.
Zach: Hmmm…I must’ve hit a neighbor’s car.
99: [thinking] Max, didn’t we park behind Zach’s car?
Max: Right across the lot.
99: The same lot where that car was?
Zach: You mean, that little black porsche…the little black twisted…heap…[angry look from Max] [pause] Well…now that you’re both staying for lunch…
SETTING: Zach’s apartment, later that night. After Max had docked Zach’s pay for the repairs to his former car, Agent 66 was once again placed on watch with Zach.
66: Zach, it really wasn’t your fault.
Zach: Yeah, well, notice how Dad’s out of a car…and I’m about that far from being out of a job. I’m already out of money. Be glad I still have my life. For the time being that is.
66: Zach, you’ve really got to get a hold of yourself. Look, let’s concentrate on the case, okay? Wanna hear what I found out today?
66: [pouting] Zach…
Zach: Fine. [crashing on couch] What did you find out about the case today?
66: Nothing much. [Zach looks at her] I did find something interesting though. Just before the Hammer was let out of jail, is when the KAOS code books started going through the prison system.
Zach: That is interesting.
66: That means the Hammer is somehow tied in to all this.
Zach: [sighing] 66, even though my life is in danger, I’m still the senior agent on this case. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be an active member on this case.
66: Of course, Zach. What do you think?
Zach: Well, I feel with the information you just gave me, the Hammer is more involved in this then we give him credit for.
66: Good thinking, 78. So what’s our plan now?
Zach: I don’t know. The only way we can actually be sure of the Hammer’s involvement is if we get someone close to him. I can’t do it. He’s trying to kill me. And I refuse to let you or Max go in there by yourselves.
66: Zach, we’re both big girls. We take care of ourselves.
Zach: No, 66. This is way too dangerous. You don’t know how the Hammer works. He’s cunning and underhanded and mean…not to mention a terrible dresser.
Zach: Forget it, 66. Look, let’s talk about this tomorrow, huh? I’m tired, you’re tired. We need our sleep. [gets off couch and heads upstairs] In the morning, we’ll look at it from all sides.
66: Alright, Zach. Goodnight.
Zach goes upstairs to his bedroom and closes the door. He goes over to his dresser and takes out a couple of more bullets and puts them in his gun and in his pocket. He takes off his homing watch
and lays it on the dresser.
He then gets a pack of cherry suicide pills and puts them in his pocket too. He takes off his shoes and puts them in his closet. While there, he takes out his sneakers, turns off the ringer on his sneaker phone, and puts them by the bed. He then cuts the light off and goes to bed.
The next morning, 66 was up bright and early. She was hoping to sneak out and follow on the Hammer involvement lead, but knew she’d be in big trouble if something happened to Zach while on her shift, so she put the idea out of her mind until Zach got up. She had already made breakfast and was waiting for Zach to come down stairs. By 7:15am, Zach still wasn’t up and 66 was getting a tad bit worried.
66: [calling upstairs] Come on, Zach. You’re going to make us both late for work. [no answer] Zach?
66 went over to the close circuit TV monitor and saw it was pitch black on the screen. She Instantly rushed upstairs and into Zach’s room, thinking something horrible had happened to him.
When she opened the door, she was much more alarmed. The bed hadn’t been slept in, all the doors were closed, the computer was off, and Zach’s dress shoes were sitting comfortably in the closet. Zach was gone!
TO BE CONTINUED…
THE ENDING CREDITS OF GET SMART!!