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The Monkey’s Second Uncle

 

 

SETTING: Inside the home of Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart. The camera goes into the dinning area where,
at the table sits Maxine Smart, Dr. Austin Parker, and Max. 99 comes in from the kitchen and sits down.

Parker: It was nice of you to invite me to dinner, Mrs. Smart.

99: It was my pleasure, Austin.

Parker: In fact, as long as I was here, I was wondering if I could talk to you.

Max: What’s on your mind, Parker?

Parker: Well, you both know my Uncle Peter. Since I became an agent at CONTROL, he’s been writing me,
but lately he’s stopped writing.

Maxine: Maybe he’s just a little busy. You said he was in research, right?

Parker: That may be true, Max, but Uncle Peter always writes to me.

99: Start at the beginning, Austin.

Parker: When I became an agent at CONTROL, I wrote my uncle. He’s really the only family member who talks to me. Ever since then, he writes me every month, but I haven’t received a letter from him in at least two months. Then, two days ago, I got a telegram saying he wants me to come out to Vermont. That’s where he lives. I was thinking about maybe leaving tomorrow…[to Max] If that’s alright, Chief.

Max: Sure, Parker.

99: Austin, you’re not going there just to visit, are you?

Parker: No. I have a feeling Uncle Peter’s in trouble.

Maxine: Just because he doesn’t write for two months?

Parker: Exactly. See, he’s been working on something and he wanted me to come down and maybe help him perfect it.

99: Maybe that’s what the telegram was for.

Parker: Maybe…[Parker’s phone rings] Oh, excuse me. [takes out phone and answers] Hello? Uncle Peter! Are you alright?

The scene shifts to a small room where Prof. Parker is. He sits at a large table with a bunch of lab equipment on it. In the back, pounding is coming from the door.

Prof.: Austin, it’s imperative that you come up here right away.

The scene at the Smart’s house. The scene goes back and forth.

Parker: Uncle Peter, are you okay? You sound…nervous.

Prof.: Please, Austin! It’s very important for you to come up here. [takes a drink]

After Prof. Parker drinks, he starts to feel pain throughout his body. He looks at the drink and realizes it’s been poisoned.

Parker: Uncle Peter? [stands up] Uncle Peter!

Prof. Parker falls over on to the floor. The phone falls on to the table. A mysterious hand comes and hangs it up.

Parker: Uncle Peter?

99: Is something wrong?

Parker: [brings the phone down]The line went dead.

THE NEW OPENING CREDITS FOR GET SMART!!

SETTING: In front of Prof. Peter Parker’s house. Around the outside are about three or four police cars. As the camera pulls away from the house, we see two cars pull up to the house. Parker jumps out of the second car and runs up to the house, followed by the Smarts and Agent 66. Parker runs into the house and stops. The living room is a mess and about four policeman were around the living room and kitchen. A bald man wearing a badge turns to look at the group.

Lt. : Hey! [walks over to group] What’re you people doing in here?

Parker: I’m Austin Parker, I’m Prof. Parker’s nephew. Has something happened?

Lt.: Well, I hate to tell you this, son, but your uncle had a heart attack last night.

The scene switches to see Team Smart in Parker’s hotel room. The hotel was just down the street from
Prof. Parker’s and the gang was sitting there discussing the house and the death of the professor.

Parker: [walking back and forth] I just don’t believe it! Uncle Peter was in the best possible shape! He just COULDN’T have had a heart attack.

Zach: I think you’re right, Parker.

99: You think something must’ve happened to Prof. Parker?

Zach: Well, I just find it weird that for someone who just had a heart attack, the police destroyed that living room. You don’t check anything if someone’s just had a heart attack. [66 walks in from the Parker house]

Parker: [to 66] Well?

66: Well, I can tell you for certain your uncle did NOT have a heart attack.

Max: How can you be sure?

66: Well, I just happen to check the body before the coroner got there.

Zach: What did you find out?

66: Prof. Parker was found in his lab. I checked it and I found a glass on the table. So I took the liberty to check it out and I found what was in it.

Maxine: Well?

66: I figured it might be nothing, but when I checked it, I found some sort of poison in it. The whole glass was laced with it.

Parker: You know what kind of poison it was?

66: That’s where you come in, Parker. I got a sample of it and was wondering if you could tell us.

Zach: Well, this simple little heart attack has now blown over to a very complicated murder.

99: I wonder why, though. What did Prof. Parker do or know that would make him a target for murder?

Zach: There’re only two people that can tell us. Prof. Parker…[looks at Parker] and Dr. Parker. Exactly
what was your uncle working on?

Parker: I told you, I don’t know. Unless…

Max: Unless what?

Parker: My uncle was working on something for the government. He didn’t tell me the full extent of it,
but I know it was very important. So important, I doubt we’ll be able to find it.

66: Why?

Parker: There’s only one place Uncle Peter would put it…and that’s in his secret lab.

Max: That’s perfect! All we have to do is find it.

Parker: Only two people knew the location of that lab.

99: Who?

Parker: I’ll give you a hint. One of them’s in a body bag and the other is standing in this room.

Zach: Well, perfect! Parker, you know where it is!

Parker: Not perfect. The last time I saw that room was when I ten years old. I’ve forgotten where it is.

Max: Well, look. The police have probably left the house by now. Zach, you, Parker, and the girls go
down and check around for that secret lab. 99 and I will talk to the Lt. on the case. [everyone, except Parker, heads for door] [turns] Parker, you coming?

Parker: If it’s alright with you, Chief, I think I’ll sit this one out. I’m kinda tired and I think I’ll get some rest.

Max: [nods knowingly] Sure.

Maxine: Daddy, I think I’ll stay too.

Parker: No, Max, you’d better go.

Maxine: You’re sure?

Parker: Yeah.

Maxine touches his hand with hers and then leaves through the door. Parker takes a seat at the table
and pours himself a drink. He still couldn’t believe his favorite uncle was dead.

 

****COMMERCIAL BREAK****

 

SETTING: The Vermont PD. Inside the office of Lt. John Hess, Max and 99 were discussing the search of Prof. Parker’s house.

Lt.: I’m telling you, Mr. Smart. My men checked everywhere and we found nothing.

99: Well isn’t it a little strange, Lt. , to check the home of a man who just died of a heart attack?

Lt.: Mrs. Smart, I wanted to make sure that Prof. Parker didn’t run into…foul play… and my men and I were certain that he didn’t. Last night, Prof. Peter Parker had a heart attack while talking to his nephew on the phone. [goes around desk and sits down] You both knew Prof. Parker?

Max: [exchanges glances with 99] Uh, yes. Yes. We worked with him years ago.

Lt.: And his nephew is under your employment?

Max: That’s right.

Lt.: Tell me, Mr. Smart. What is it you do?

Max: [pauses] Greeting cards. I…sell…greeting cards. [smiles]

Lt.: Yes, well, if there’s nothing else the two of you wanted to talk about, I do have other things to do.

Max: [looks at 99] Yes, well. [stands] Goodbye, Lt. Hess.

Lt.: I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you at the funeral tomorrow.

Max: Of course, the fun…[shocked] The funeral’s tomorrow!?

Lt.: Yes, in accordance with Prof. Parker himself and his assistant Dr. Ryder.

Max and 99 look at each other, stunned. The man had just died and tomorrow was his funeral. Meanwhile,
inside the lab of Prof. Parker, Zach and the girls had searched everywhere and weren’t finding much.

Zach: Have you found anything?

Maxine: No. Have you?

Zach: Zilch. 66, have you found anything?

Agent 66 was standing over by the table where Prof. Parker’s body was found. She was flipping through a book she had found on the table and then she looked towards the bookcase on the other wall.

Zach: I say, Agent 66, have you found something?

66: I don’t know. Come here for a minute. [the twins walk over] What does this look like to you? [hold
up book]

Zach: [taking book] Offhand, I’d call it a book.

66: No, Zach.

Zach: It’s not a book? Fooled me.

66: I mean look at it.

Maxine: It’s Pride and Prejudice. So what?

66: Isn’t it odd? Finding it here?

Zach: You might have something, 66. Lets take it back to Parker and ask him about it.

The three go back to their hotel and stop by Parker’s room. When they knock on the door, they were surprised to see 99 answer the door.

Zach: [in English accent] Hello. Having a little party, eh? Pity we weren’t invited. [they walk in]

Parker was once again pacing back and forth on the floor.

Parker: I just can’t believe it!

Zach: What can’t you believe this time?

99: Prof. Parker’s funeral’s tomorrow.

66: What!

Maxine: Wait a minute. I thought only family members had the right to choose the funeral place and time.

Parker: You’d think so. I was the last one to find out! And I’m his nephew!

99: The funeral’s being held tomorrow in accordance with Prof. Parker’s wishes and that of his assistant, Dr. Ryder.

Parker: [surprised] Ryder? Dr. Henry Ryder?

99: I guess. Do you know him?

Parker: [pauses] Slightly. Look, gang, [getting jacket] I’ve got something to do real quick. [looks at watch] It’s late now. I should be back in about an hour.

Maxine: Where’re you going?

Parker: I’m going to have a little talk with Dr. Ryder. [leaves]

Zach: Huh. That was weird.

Max: Zach, what are you doing right now?

Zach: Standing here.

Max: [annoyed] Yes, Zach, I can see that. I mean, are you planning to do something?

Zach: No, but I have a feeling that you have a job for me.

Max: Smart boy. I want you to call down to headquarters and do a check on Dr. Henry Ryder and a Lt. John Hess.

99: Lt. Hess? You think he’s involved in this?

Max: I don’t know, 99. It’s strange to call out your best men for a heart attack scene.

Zach: You think he was looking for something?

Max: I’m not sure.

Zach: I’m on it, Pop. [leaves]

66: Chief, what do you make of this? [takes out book]

Max: [takes book] Well, 66, with this piece of evidence, I can come to one and only one conclusion.

66: What’s that?

Max: It’s a book.

66: Yes, Chief, I…I know that. I mean, does it look odd?

Max: It’s Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

66: Well, I found it in Prof. Parker’s lab.

Max: What’s so odd about that?

66: Well, don’t labs usually have an array of science books? Isn’t that book a little out of place?

Max: You might have something, 66.

99: 66, exactly where did you find this book?

66: On the table where Prof. Parker’s body was found.

99: Max, this might be a clue left by Prof. Parker!

Maxine: Which means he couldn’t have had a heart attack!

Max: Girls, if you don’t mind, I’d like to handle this.

Maxine: Sorry, Dad.

Max: Now this is what I’m thinking. Prof. Parker left this book for us to find, leaving us a clue. Which means he couldn’t possibly have had a heart attack.

66: Good thinking, Chief.

Maxine: So, where does that leave us now?

Max: 99 and I are going to be there at the funeral tomorrow. When Zach gets back with those background
checks, I want the three of you to search Dr. Ryder’s house. Find out if he had access to that lab last night. We’ll try and get a good look at him tomorrow.

The scene shifts to the house of Dr. Henry Ryder. Parker stood outside waiting for someone to open the door. The butler soon came and let him inside. The butler showed him to the den, where Dr. Ryder would
soon join him. Only a minute or so passed when Ryder walked in and closed the door.

Ryder: Ah, Austin.

Parker: Dr. Ryder. It’s a pleasure to see you again.

Ryder: I think the last time I saw you, you were about to start Med. School. [motioning
to a chair in front of this oak desk] Have a seat. [sitting behind desk in his chair] Well, Austin, what can I help you with?

Parker: Dr. Ryder, I’m sure you’ve about my uncle’s unfortunate accident.

Ryder: Yes. Terrible. Heart attack, wasn’t it?

Parker: Yes, sir.

Ryder: Horrible. He was a good man, Austin.

Parker: Thank you, sir. I understand you’ve arranged for the funeral to be tomorrow. May I ask why?

Ryder: It was your uncle’s wish. He said if anything happened to him while he was working on his experiment, to go ahead and notify you and then have the funeral as soon as possible.

Parker: But that doesn’t make any sense. The only reason I’m here is because he called me and asked me to come down.

Ryder: I’m sorry, Austin, but those were his wishes.

Parker: Tell me, Dr. Ryder, do you know what my uncle was working on?

Ryder: I can’t go into detail, Austin, but the basics were that he was working on a government project. He was supposed to do some kind of listening device or something.

Parker: Listening device? He told me nothing of a listening device.

Ryder: [surprised] Really? He told you something different, then?

Parker: [realizing mistake] No…I just don’t remember. He might’ve mentioned a listening device, but it was so long ago. Well, Dr. Ryder, I guess that’s all I wanted to know. You will be at the funeral tomorrow, right?

Ryder: Of course. As I assume you will.

Parker: Yes, of course. No need to show me out. I know the way.

Ryder: Until tomorrow, Austin. [Austin turns and nods. Then leaves.] [picks up phone and starts to dial] This is Ryder. Parker’s nephew knows something we don’t. He’s the key to finding that secret weapon and that secret lab. After the funeral tomorrow, I want him caught and tortured. If he won’t talk, then
I want him eliminated.

****COMMERCIAL BREAK****

 

SETTING: Holy Cross Cemetery. A couple of people were leaving the funeral of Prof. Peter Parker and were heading for the ceremony afterwards. Standing next to the grave was Parker, Max, and 99, paying their respects.

Parker: It was nice of you and Mrs. Smart to come down to the funeral with me.

Max: It was no problem, Parker. Besides, we knew your uncle. He was a good CONTROL agent and a wonderful man.

Parker: Thank you, sir. [looking at the other mourners] I guess we’d better be leaving, too. When we get to the ceremony, I’ll introduce to Dr. Ryder. [looks to see Ryder coming their way] [to the Smarts] Maybe we’ll get that chance before hand. [to Ryder] Dr. Ryder, I’m glad you could make it.

Ryder: Nonsense, Austin. [shaking hands] I knew your uncle well.

Parker: This is my boss, Mr. Maxwell Smart and his lovely wife, Mrs. Maxwell Smart.

Ryder: Well, it’s nice to meet you. Did you know Peter?

99: Yes, he worked with us years ago.

Ryder: Well, he would certainly be glad to see you here. Such a waste. He was a brilliant mind, as you know. [putting his arm around Parker] But it’s nice to know his genius lives on with his nephew, Austin.

Parker: [pushing arm off his shoulder] Thank you, Dr. Ryder.

Ryder: Well, let’s not stand around out here. There’s a joyous celebration going on inside. We should
join it.

Parker: You go on, Doctor. We’ll catch up to you. [Ryder leaves]

99: Well, he certainly is charming.

Parker: Yeah. Charming…and potentially dangerous.

99: Austin, what makes you say that?

Parker: Hmm? Oh, just…just a feeling. Chief, have Zach and the girls called?

Max: No, but maybe I should call them. Follow me.

The three walk over to a nearby tree and make sure no one is around. Max takes off he shoe and starts to dial Zach’s shoe phone number. The scene switches to the home of Dr. Ryder. Zach and the girls had just broken in and were checking the den when Zach’s shoe started to ring. He took a seat in the doctor’s chair behind the desk and answered. The scene switches back and forth between the cemetery and the house.

Zach: Zachary Smart, Agent 78 speaking.

Max: Zach, Dad. Are you and the girls in the doctor’s house?

Zach: [going through drawers] Yes, sir. Luckily for us, his butler went with him to the funeral.

Max: Have you found anything yet?

Zach: Nothing yet, Pop. [still going through drawers. Finds something] Hey, Dad.

Max: Yeah?

Zach: [looking at paper] I think I found something.

Max: What?

Zach: Well, if I’m not mistaken, I’d say it’s a will.

Max: A will? [looks at Parker] Prof. Parker’s will?

Zach: I assume so. Well, wait a minute, Pop. I found something else. [reading another paper] Dad, is Parker there with you?

Max: Yeah, why?

Zach: Let me talk to him for a minute.

Max: Alright, Zach. [hands phone to Parker] He wants to talk to you.

Parker: [taking phone] Hello?

Zach: Parker, did your uncle write out the plans for what he was working on?

Parker: Of course, I’m sure of it. Why?

Zach: I just found out what your uncle was working on. These are the top secret plans for a new high
powered weapon. Were you aware of this?

Parker: I was aware. You say you found that at Ryder’s house?

Zach: Yep. If I were you, Parker, I’d stay as far away from Ryder as possible. I have a feeling he knows what’s going on.

Parker: Why do you say that?

Zach: [raising hands] No reason.

In the house, Zach and the girls were being held up by two KAOS agents.

****COMMERCIAL BREAK****

 

SETTING: Dr. Ryder’s house. Two KAOS were holding Zach, Maxine, and 66 captive with their guns.

KAOS #1: Throw that phone over here, Smart!

Zach: Sure.

Zach throws the shoe at one of the KAOS men and knocks him down. 66 punches the other man and then
Maxine tosses him over her shoulder.

Zach: Come on!

The three quickly run out of the house until they get to the car. Meanwhile, at the cemetery, Parker
is wondering why Zach has stopped talking.

Parker: Zach? Zach?

99: What’s wrong?

Parker: He stopped talking. Something must’ve happened. [suddenly the phone rings][Parker answers] Parker.

Zach: Parker, Zach.

Parker: Hey, what happened?

Zach: We ran into some trouble while searching the house. We’re heading over to the funeral now.

Parker: Alright. Listen, there’s a…little get together here in one of the buildings. We’ll be in it. There’s something we have to do.

Zach: Okay. We’re heading there now.

Parker hangs up and hands the shoe back to Max.

Parker: They ran into some trouble at Ryder’s house. They’re okay, but they’re heading over here as we speak.

99: What is it we have to do?

Parker: Go to the reading of the will. [Max and 99 look at each other]

****COMMERCIAL BREAK****

 

SETTING: The Holy Cross Recreation Room. The guests from the funeral were milling around, talking about Prof. Parker. Max, Parker, and 99 were waiting for Zach and the girls to get there. When they did, Parker lead them to one of the back offices and then knocked on the door. There was a “Come in” and the group proceeded inside. At a desk by the window, sat a man wearing glasses who identified himself as a lawyer going over the estate. Dr. Ryder sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

Ryder: [seeing Parker and comp.]Ah, Austin. I’m glad you could make it.

Parker: [walking to another chair] You have some nerve to hold the reading of the will the same day as
the funeral, Dr. Ryder.

Ryder: This was your uncle’s wish. I can not change the mind of a man, Austin.

Parker: [sitting] We’ll see about that.

Lawyer: If we’re all quite ready, [looks at Ryder and Parker] [Ryder nods] then I’ll proceed. [reading] Basically, all the will states is Dr. Henry Ryder will receive all materials the two worked on. All personal possessions are that of his nephew, Austin M. Parker, the house will be divided with other family members.

Parker: Is that all?

Lawyer: Hmm? Oh, no. Your uncle did leave you something else. [searching drawers] He also left you a monkey.

Max: A monkey?

Zach: A REAL monkey?

Parker: [confused] Who lives in the drawer?

Lawyer: [looks at TS] No. [still looking] It’s a jade monkey. Prof. Parker got it when he traveled to Peru one year. Here it is. [pulls out a little green monkey] The Jade Monkey. [starts to hand it to Parker, but stops] Careful. It’s supposedly cursed.

66: Cursed?

Lawyer: Supposedly. The last two owners who held it met with…unfortunate accidents. Of course, that’s
if you believe in curses.

Ryder: That’s it? That’s all he left?

Parker: [sarcastically] Well. It seems as though our friendly doctor has a purpose.

Ryder: [angrily] Now listen, Austin. I worked with your uncle for three years and in all that time, he
never mentioned a secret lab to me, until just recently. I think it’s little odd, don’t you?

Zach: What?

Ryder: That he doesn’t give the location of it to either of us.

Parker: [sarcastically] Oh of course! What had I been thinking? Just because my uncle is murdered in his own home, his funeral’s the next day, and the will reading is the same day. And all I got was a stupid green monkey!

Ryder: Murdered? Your uncle wasn’t murdered.

Parker: [slightly angry] Oh, he was murdered, all right. And I KNOW you have something to do with it.

Ryder: [standing in anger] Now listen here…doctor. [Parker also stands] Your uncle and I were colleagues. I would think as a colleague and friend, he would tell me the location of that lab.

Parker: How dare you assume that he would. Don’t forget, Dr. Ryder, I’m his nephew. He was my
uncle by blood, my father’s brother.

Ryder: [smirking and looking around] Yes, well. And where is your father on the day of his brother’s funeral? [Parker’s silent] I don’t think you realize what you’re getting in to. You’re playing with the big boys now. I checked your uncle myself. Heart attack. I assumed you were a reasonable man, Austin. Being a Parker and all. I hoped that maybe the two of us could come together and find that lab. I think you might know where it is.

Parker: [looking Ryder in the eye] The only way I would ever tell you where that lab is, is over my dead body.

Ryder: [backing up a little] So be it, then. I tried being nice, Doctor, but I’ll find that lab. That
lab is my due of service to your uncle. [leaves]

After the confrontation with Dr. Ryder, the group decided to go back to their hotel and try figure out
this case.

99: Ryder sure acted strangely today. Austin, are you absolutely sure he’s got something to do with this?

Parker: I’m positive, Mrs. Smart. Ryder lied today when he said Uncle Peter told him about that secret lab. I’m the only one who knew about outside of him. [looks at monkey in his hand] I just wish I knew what this monkey was for.

Zach: You heard the lawyer today. Your uncle brought back from Peru. It’s cursed. [walking over to Parker] That has to be the ugliest monkey I’ve ever seen in my life.

Just then, the ceiling fan above them, started to shake. It then broke off and fell to the floor, right
behind Zach. The group turned to look at the fan and are reasonably shocked.

Zach: Like I said, that’s the best looking monkey in the world.

99: Zach, that came very close to hitting you!

Maxine: You’d better be nice to the monkey from now on.

Parker: Oh come on! You don’t really think this little statue had anything to with it, do you?

Max: Of course not! [moving away from Parker]

Parker: What’s wrong, Chief?

Max: Could you not stand so close to me when you have the monkey in your hand?

Parker: Chief! Let’s forget about the monkey for now. Let’s get back to my uncle’s death.

Max: Right. Zach, did you get that background check from CONTROL?

Zach: Yeah. It seems that our good Dr. Henry Ryder is a KAOS scientist. He signed to work with Prof. Parker to check what he was working on.

Maxine: Well, that proves it. Prof. Parker must’ve found out why Ryder was there and was killed.

66: But what about the secret lab? If Parker was the only person outside of Prof. Parker to know about
it, how did Ryder know about it?

Parker: You think he might’ve just stumbled on to the fact that it was there?

99: You mean he might’ve been listening to your conversations?

Parker: Possibly, but I don’t see how. We never discussed the lab on the phone.

Max: However we look at it, Ryder’s our man. Zach, you and the girls go down to the police station and
tell Lt. Hess we’ve got our man.

66: Right, Chief. [starts to go, but stops] Hey, Parker, check out that book on the table.

Parker: [looks at table] What is it?

66: A book on a table. I found in your uncle’s lab. [leaves]

Parker: [picking up book] It’s Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Max: You know why it was found in your uncle’s lab?

Parker: I don’t know. He’s never liked it, but it’s one…[looks at book intensely] Did you guys look through this book?

Max: No. Why?

Parker: [rifling through book] I might be crazy, but if I’m thinking what I think my Uncle Peter was thinking…

99: What’re you thinking, Parker?

Parker: Well, I’m thinking he might’ve put something in here for me to find. [flips to page 35] Hey, [picks out a piece of paper] what’s this? [reading] Austin, hopefully you’ll find this in time, but if not, this book and the monkey are the keys to finding the secret lab. Be careful. KAOS is definitely after this lab and what’s in it. Be on your guard at all times. Love, Uncle Peter.

Max: Well, that proves it, then. KAOS definitely knew about that secret weapon and Prof. Parker was killed because of it.

99: But I don’t understand why the book and the jade monkey are the keys to this case.

Parker: [thinking, then snaps his fingers] I’ve got it! We gotta get down to Uncle Peter’s house now!

The three quickly rush over to Prof. Parker’s house and quickly go downstairs to the professor’s
lab.

Max: Parker?

Parker: Yeah, Chief.

Max: What’re we looking for?

Parker: We’re trying to find out where that secret lab is. [pulling up a bar stool and sitting] I just
wish I knew what he meant by the book and the monkey are the key.

99: Parker, what’s the name of the author for that book?

Parker: Jane Austen.

99: And what page did you find the note?

Parker: 35.

99: And where did 66 find the book?

Parker: [a little annoyed] Here…Mrs. Smart, what’re you getting at?

99: Don’t you see? Your uncle left a clue for us by using your name.

Max: Of course! Knowing that you were the only other person to know where the lab was, Prof. Parker knew you would find the clues to led you to his secret lab!

Parker: What makes you say that?

Max: [opens mouth to say something, then stops] [to 99] 99, what makes me say that?

99: Don’t you get it? The author of the book is Austen, it was found in Parker’s lab, and a note was found on page 35.

Parker: Of course! Austin Parker, Agent 35! The book must’ve come from the bookcase.

Max: So that means…[all three turn to look at bookcase]

99: …the lab’s behind the bookcase.

The three walk over to view the bookcase. Little do they know, a mysterious figure has just entered the
lab and is standing at the door.

****COMMERCIAL BREAK****

 

SETTING: Prof. Peter Parker’s lab. Max, 99, and Parker are searching the bookcase for a secret lever of
some sort. Parker steps back and starts viewing the case. He looks at the book in his hand and then goes over to the side of the bookcase.

Max: Found something, Parker?

Parker: [still looking] Call me crazy, but…[looking] does it seem as though the books that are going down vertically and the books that are going horizontal…[looking] spell something.

99: [looking also] Well, at the top from where it starts, it reads U-S-T-I-N and across it reads A-R-K-E-R. That’s strange.

Max: It looks like it’s supposed to say ‘Austin Parker’.

Parker and 99 look at the book in Parker’s hands, then at each other, then at Max.

Parker: Chief, you’re a genius!

Max: I am? Oh well, of course I am. [pause] What I do?

99: You figured out how to open the bookcase! [hugs him] Max, I’m so proud of you!

Parker: When Uncle Peter wrote that the book was the key, he meant a key as in opening the door to the lab!

Parker puts the book back in it’s original spot. The bookcase started to shift to the left and moved
slowly to reveal a large steel door with a large combination lock on it.

Max: That’s a big door.

Parker: My uncle was very cautious.

99: I hope this is the last door.

Parker: Why do you say that?

Max: We don’t have any more clues from your uncle.

Parker: Well, he wrote that the monkey was a key also.

99: The combination to the door must be somewhere on or in the statue.

Parker: yes, but where?

Voice: Look under the bottom.

Parker turns the monkey upside down and underneath is a white strip of paper with three numbers on them.

Parker: hey I found it! [turns to look at voice] Thanks Dr. Ryder. [turns back, then realizes what he just said] [to camera] I wish I hadn’t seen what I just saw.

The three turn to look at Ryder, who’s holding a gun in his hand.

Ryder: I knew sooner or later you’d remember what that lab was, Austin.

Parker: Oh, yeah. Well, what makes you think I’ll even open the safe? [smiles]

Ryder: if you want your friends alive.

Ryder motions to a revolving wall on the other side of the lab. Sitting in chairs is Zach, Maxine, and
66. They are tied and they have gags over their mouths. Standing over them is Lt. Hess, holding a revolver in his hand.

Parker: [shocked] Don’t tell me you’re with KAOS, too!

Hess: [smiling] I’m also with KAOS.

Max: He asked you not to tell him that.

Ryder: I had the perfect cover. Assistant to Prof. Parker, Washington’s leading researcher. I happen to learn of your uncle’s project for the government. I was in the best possible position.

Parker: Of course. Who suspect you of being an enemy? You were the assistant to a former CONTROL agent,
who was now a top government scientist. If anything ever happened, you’d always have his nephew, an active CONTROL agent, to stand up for you.

Ryder: Yes. And if that didn’t work, I always had the testimony of Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart. There was only hitch in my plan. Your uncle wouldn’t tell me about the weapon he was working on. He said he put it somewhere that only he and his favorite nephew knew about. I tried for weeks and weeks to discover what he meant. Then I happen to run across the plans for his secret lab, then I knew that’s where the weapon was. I tried being nice to your uncle. I asked him to tell me where the lab was, but he got suspicious and found out I was with KAOS.

99: Then he must’ve also known that Hess was with KAOS, too.

Ryder: Correct. Knowing my identity didn’t help him any.

Parker: So you killed him.

Ryder: Poisoned is more like it. With the help of Lt. Hess and some of his men, I was able to act as coroner to your uncle. But alas, dear Austin. This is a story that you will never have the opportunity to repeat. It will be my sad, but necessary pleasure in killing you, Austin. [raises his gun]

Parker: Wait a minute! I think we can…negotiate something.

Ryder: What negotiation?

Parker: Well, just that, it’s me you want. No use getting a ton of bodies in the basement. I’d like to
keep this house neat and tidy if you don’t mind.

Ryder: What’s your deal, Austin?

Parker: Well, how do you know if these numbers on the monkey are the real combination? I mean, I’ve seen the combo to the door and I don’t remember these numbers on it.

Hess: He has a point, boss. How are you to be sure? If you let him open the door now, then we can kill
him.

Ryder: Hess! If you don’t mind, I would like to handle things myself. I am in charge and I should handle things myself. [to Parker] This is what I’ll do. I’m going to let you open the door, then after you open it, I’ll kill you. [nods to Hess, who gives an ok sign] [Parker and the Smarts look at the camera]

Parker is escorted over to the steel door by Ryder. Parker holds the monkey in one hand and starts to peel off the combination with the other. When he’s finished, he drops the combination on the floor.

Parker: Oh, sorry about that.

Ryder: Oh, no bother…

As Ryder leans over to pick up the paper, Parker knees him in the stomach and Ryder goes down. Hess,
seeing this, raises his gun to shoot, but Zach stands up and knocks him out. Meanwhile, a struggle is taking place on the floor with Ryder and Parker. Ryder is reaching for the combination while Parker’s going for the gun. It’s hard to tell what’s happening, until a shot rings out and the two men pull apart. Ryder stands up and smiles at Parker. In his hand is the combo.

Ryder: Thank you, my friend.

As he goes towards the door, he falls to the floor, dead. Parker moves his arm to reveal the gun. He moves over to Ryder’s body.

Parker: I’ll be taking this. [takes paper] I don’t think you’ll be needing it.

The scene goes back to Washington, to CONTROL headquarters, and then to the Chief’s office.

Max: It was nice of you to turn over that secret weapon over to CONTROL, Parker.

Parker: Think nothing of it, Chief. Besides, I think Uncle Peter would have wanted me, too. This way,
I can finish what he started.

99: Too bad that jade monkey you got was broken during your struggle with Ryder.

Parker: Oh, well that’s not bad at all. That’s what I was working on when we got back from Vermont. [takes out monkey] I fixed it.

Everyone: [moving away, slightly] Oh.

Parker: I was thinking about keeping it here. That way my uncle’s always here.

Max: [moving towards the door] You’re keeping it downstairs, right?

Parker: Oh yeah. Unless, of course, you want it up here.

Max: No! Down…downstairs is fine.

Parker: [leaving with everyone else] Come on, gang, you still don’t think this little monkey is cursed,
do you? Now I admit, that thing with the fan was kinda weird, but what can happen to us? We’re in Washington.

Just then a loud crash was heard from behind them in the Chief’s office. Stunned for a moment, the group slowly turned to see what had happened. The Cone of Silence had dropped from its hanging place and had crashed down on the desk. The desk was in pieces.

Parker: [to Max] Maybe I should keep it at home. [everyone nods] That’s…that’s…I’m gonna do…um…C’mon Max, I’ll give you a ride home. [Max and Parker leave]

Zach: Um…Dad. Do…Do you want me to call down to main…[Max nods] Yeah, I thought so. [leaves]

THE ENDING CREDITS TO GET SMART!!

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