The Proposal of Spies
Setting: Zachary Smart’s apartment. The lights were low, candles were lit, and Zach and his partner and girlfriend Agent 66 sat on the couch, staring deeply into one another eyes.
Zach: I’m glad you could come over for dinner. I was afraid you might have to work tonight.
Tracie: Well, I finished up early cause you said it was important.
Zach: It is. You know how I feel about you, Tracie and…I get the impression that you feel the same.
Tracie: I think you know exactly how I feel, Zachary.
Zach: Well…I think this year has been a big improvement for us, you know with everything that’s happened and I think it’s just been a great start of the year, don’t you think?
Tracie: It’s been a wonderful year. So far.
Zach: Well, I had alternate reason for inviting you here. I… wanted to ask you something.
Tracie: What did you want to ask me?
Zach: [taking her hand is his] Well…Tracie, you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. And…well…
Tracie: What are you trying to say, Zach?
Zach: Tracie, will you…
Just then, there was a knock at Zach’s door. He casually glanced at it and hoped it would stop. He then turned his attention back to Tracie.
Zach: Tracie, will you…
Again the knocking at the door, which starts to be persistent.
Zach: …excuse me for one minute? I have to get that. [pause] [looking at door] And kill the person on the other side.
Tracie: I’ll go check on the food. [kisses him and leaves]
Zach gets up, rather annoyed, that someone would disturb his romantic evening. He opened the door to see his parents on the other side.
99: [seeing the room dark] Did we catch you at a bad time?
Zach: [sarcastically] Why would you say that? Just because I have the lights out and candles lit and romantic music on, doesn’t mean I’m busy.
Max: Sorry to disturb your evening, Zachary.
Zach: [sarcastically] I’m sure. Is this important? [looks from Max and 99] I’ve got a roast in the oven.
Tracie: [from kichen] Zach, the lobster’s done. Do you want me to go ahead and fix a plate?
Max and 99 look at their son, with these weird expressions on their faces.
Zach: [seeing expressions] Get your minds out of the gutter! Agent 66 and I were just having dinner that’s all. That’s not a crime. Tracie Ann is my girlfriend after all. What was it you wanted?
Max: hmm? Oh yes. I wanted to tell you to be in the office bright and early tomorrow. That goes for…your dinner guest as well.
Zach: [laughing sarcastically] That’s cute. Really funny, Dad. Was that all? Or would the two of you like to stay and have dinner?
Max: Well, you know, I am absolutely famished…[starts to walk in]
Zach: [stops him] That was a joke. [both men laugh]
Max: That…that was good.
99: We’re going, Zach. We certainly don’t want anything to happen to your roast.
Zach: Thanks. Bye. [closes door]
Tracie: [carrying in lobster] What was that about?
Zach: [heading towards her] Dad wants us in the office early tomorrow.
Tracie: I wonder why.
Zach: Me, too, but for now…[taking her in his arms] my mind is completely on you.
Tracie: You’re a flatterer, Mr. Smart.
Zach: I know, but you wouldn’t have me any other way.
THE OPENING CREDITS TO GET SMART!!
Setting: The office of Chief Maxwell Smart in the headquarters of CONTROL Agent 99 was waiting for Max to come back when Zach walked in, looking for someone.
99: Hi Zach.
Zach: [looks at 99] Mom! You’re a woman, right?
99: I have been for a while. I was when I woke up this morning.
Zach: [walking over to her] I certainly hope so, or you’d have a lot to explain to Dad. But that’s not the point. I wanted to show you something.
Zach reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, velvet box. He opens it and inside was a beautiful diamond ring.
Zach: What do you think?
99: Zach, it’s absolutely beautiful! [pause] But I’m already married. To your father.
Zach: [looks at 99] It’s not for you. It’s for Tracie.
99: Zach, are you really going to ask her?
Zach: Yes, I am. [sarcastically] I would’ve done it last night, but I had unexpected visitors. [looks at 99]
99: I made the mistake of telling your father you might be thinking of asking 66 to marry you. He wanted proof.
Zach: You really like the ring?
99: Tracie will adore it, Zachary. [hugs him] I’m so happy for you!
Zach: I haven’t asked yet.
99: It doesn’t matter, I’m still happy for you. [Maxine Smart walks in, unaware of what Zach’s intentions are] Maxine, come over here and look what your brother bought.
Maxine: [walking over] Magic beans?
Zach: Be nice to me, little sister. Even you can’t spoil my mood today. Do you want to see or not?
Zach once again pulls out the velvet box and shows Maxine the ring.
Zach: Do you like it?
Maxine: Zachary, that’s absolutely breath taking! [pause] But isn’t it illegal to marry your sibling?
Zach: [slightly annoyed] It’s not for you. It’s for Tracie. I’m going to ask her to marry me.
Maxine: Well, it’s about time.
Zach: [surprised and a little annoyed] It’s about time?!
Maxine: yeah. You should’ve asked like last year or even two years ago. [pause] But I am happy for you, Zach.
Zach: Right. I’m just waiting for Tracie to get here and then maybe I can ask her. [sarcastically] Unless of course, you’d like to watch.
Maxine: [smiling] Could we?
Zach: No. [Max walks in through the door] Dad, I have something to show you.
Max: [smiling] Great! I have something for you too.
Zach: [shows Max the ring] What do you think?
Max: Zach, that’s an absolutely gorgeous ring.
Zach: [smiling] Really?
Max: Yes. There’s only one problem with it.
Zach: [shocked] There’s…there’s a problem?
Max: Yeah. It’s not gonna fit.
Zach: [shocked] Won’t…won’t fit. Why? Too big? Too small?
Max: Way too small! [holds up hands] See? My fingers are much bigger than that ring.
Zach: [very annoyed] It’s not for YOU!! It’s not for anyone in this room! In fact, I will say at this time, it’s not for anyone in this BUILDING! Okay? Alright? [to Max] Now, what was it you were going to give me?
Max: Oh! Well, I think you’ll like it. [hands Zach a blue pocket book]
Zach: [looking at book] It’s my passport. Okay.
Max: Now look inside it.
Zach: [opens book] It’s a ticket to London. [confused] Uh huh. Okay. [pause] Are you
trying to tell me something, Dad?
Max: You’re going to London.
Zach: Um…no, I’m not.
Max: Oh yes you are. You don’t really have a choice in the matter.
Zach: [speechless] Dad, you don’t…I…I
Max: Scotland Yard has called in CONTROL to help them with a case and I told them I’d have my best agent on it. And guess who I picked.
Zach: [speechless] [shaking his head] I…I…
Max: Exactly. I chose you and the great part is, you can spend some time there. Think of this as you unofficial vacation. My gift to you.
Zach: Dad…I…I…can’t go.
Max: Oh, you’re gonna go.
Zach: No, Dad…see, I…I can’t go.
Max: Zachary, don’t argue with me. It’s not wise to argue with your father…who just happens to be your boss. Now come on! Cheer up! You’ll have a great time there. Remember the last time we were there? [Zach nods] Wasn’t that fun? [Zach nods] See? You’ll have a great time. Now, you better go and get packed. [walking Zach to the door] Your plane leaves in about 3 hours and I want you to pack warmly. It’s very foggy this time of year.
Zach: [still in disbelief] Dad, I…I…
Max: There’s no need to thank me, son. You just have a good time and when you get back, we’ll look into getting a bigger ring, okay?
Zach leaves, still miffed at what had just happened and you can still hear him mumbling even after the automatic door closes.
Max: [smiling] [to 99] You know 99, I like it when our kids are happy. [to Maxine] Are you having a good day, Maxi?
Maxine: I’m having a great day, Daddy.
Max: [smiling] [to 99] See? [walking over to desk] My biggest goal in life is to see my kids happy. Did you see the look on Zach’s face? Boy, was he happy!
Maxine: [starts to laugh] He was ecstatic, Daddy.
Max: I know! Now, all I have to do is find Agent 66 and the day will be complete.
99: What do you need her for?
Max: I have a little assignment for her.
Maxine: [laughing] Oh, I’m sure she’ll love it, Daddy.
Max: [huge smile] [looks at Maxine, then 99, then back at Maxine] Are you having a fantastic day, Maxine?
Maxine: [laughing harder] You have no idea, Dad. [leaves]
Max: I’m so glad everyone’s happy. 99… are you happy?
99: I’m pretty happy.
Max: [slightly disappointed] Just pretty happy? Not greatly happy? Do you want anything? Want to sit down? You can take my chair.
99: [smiling] Sweetheart, I’m fine. In fact, I’m going to be late for work. [kisses him goodbye] I’ll see you later. [leaves]
66 enters and says hi to 99 as she leaves.
Tracie: Chief, I have two questions for you. One, did you want to see me and two is there a reason why your daughter is in uncontrollable laughter?
Max: Well, 66, I can answer one of those questions. Yes, I wanted to see you. I have a case for you.
Tracie: Oh good. What’re Zach and I doing?
Max: Nope. It’s just you. Zach is at home packing.
Tracie: We’re going somewhere?
Max: No, he’s going somewhere. You’re on two separate cases.
Tracie: [hurt] We are? Wow. This is the first time in a long time that Zach and I were on different cases. Where’s he going?
Max: London, England. And boy, was he happy to leave.
Tracie: [disappointed] He was? Really?
Max: Yep. But that’s not the point. How do you feel about doing a slight suicide mission?
Tracie: [distracted] Huh? Oh yeah, Chief, no problem. What’s the assignment?
Max: Well, there might be serial murderer, but that’s not the problem.
Tracie: [still hurt] I can’t believe Zach and I are on separate cases.
Max: See, the problem has to do with the people that are being murdered.
Tracie: And I just can’t believe he’d be happy about that.
Max: Tracie? Are you listening to me?
Tracie: Oh, of course, Chief. [pause] Was Zach really happy to be leaving?
Max: Well, he wasn’t ecstatic. More like a shocked happy, like he couldn’t believe it. But I think he was happy. [sees look on 66’s face] Look, Tracie, I know it’s been a while since you and Zach have worked separate cases and with things going so nicely for the two of you, I hated doing it, but I do to.
Tracie: I understand, Chief. Our duties as CONTROL agents outweigh our feelings for each other.
Max: Look, why don’t you see Zach off at the airport and I’ll brief you when you come back.
Tracie: Really, Chief? You mean it? [Max nods] I’ll come right back, I promise!
Max smiled, knowing this would be good for both of them. The scene changes to the airport where Zach and Tracie are engaged in a kiss.
Tracie: [breaking kiss] You gotta go.
Zach: Wait, Tracie. There’s something I have to tell you.
Tracie: Tell me when you get back. [hears flight being announced] That’s you. Will you go?
Zach: No, Tracie, listen to me. I love you, Tracie.
Tracie: And I love you. [kisses him] Now get on that plane!
Zach had no choice but to leave and get on the plane. All through the flight, he just kept thinking how he was going to ask Tracie to marry him. He took the ring from his pocket, studied it, and smiled. She’d say yes, he thought. She’d just have to. The scene once more changed back to Max’s office, where he once again, tried to brief Tracie on the case she was doing.
Max: Listen Tracie, I didn’t want to give you this case, but I really think you’re the best agent for it.
Tracie: Hmm? Oh, sorry, Chief. I’m just thinking about something else. [smiles]
Max: As much as I want you to think about my son all you want, I have to tell you this.
Tracie: Right. What’s the case?
Max: [pause] I need you to be bait. [pause] For a killer.
Tracie: I don’t think I like this case.
Max: Hear me out. Hans Brook is a vicious, KAOS killer and he’s been getting away with murder.
Tracie: So you want me to set him up to try and kill me and we’ll get him, right?
Max: Exactly. Like I said, Trace, I didn’t want you on this case and I knew Zach wouldn’t want it either, so that’s why I sent him to England.
Tracie: You sent him on vacation so he could keep away from me?
Max: No, he’s really on a case over there. You two were the best people I could get on these cases and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to put you guys apart.
Tracie: Chief, I know. Our personal relationship has to be put on the back burner now. So…when do I start?
Elsewhere, Zach had just arrived in England and was at Scotland Yard, talking to Inspector Willis.
Willis: I’m glad you could make it, Mr. Smart.
Zach: Believe me, Inspector, this wasn’t exactly the thing I wanted to do this week.
Willis: Oh? Burning case in America got a hold on you?
Zach: [laughing] No, sir. It’s a private matter. Actually…to be truthful, I was planning on asking my girlfriend to marry me.
Willis: Well, congratulations, Mr. Smart! I’ll try and make this case as painless and quick as possible.
Zach: What seems to be the problem, Inspector?
Willis: Two days ago, one of our submarines was scouting the waters, when it was destroyed. Just blew up under the water.
Zach: It was torpedoed?
Willis: We’re not sure. Our scientists have gone over everything and it doesn’t seem as though a torpedo or enemy fire hit it. That same time, we also learned that the evil organization of KAOS has one of their men here. A scientist by the name of Brook Hansberg. Ever heard of him?
Zach: Can’t say I have. He must be new in KAOS.
Willis: Well, we have reason to believe he may have something to do with all this, though we can’t prove it as of yet. Your job, Mr. Smart, is to find out is this has any connection what so ever. You’ll have all of London at your disposal.
Zach: Thank you, Inspector. I think I should check out the findings from the scientist first and maybe if you have a file on this scientist, I can check that out to. I’m hoping I can be done with this in a couple of days.
Willis: Of course, sir. I want you and your girlfriend to make everything happen as you wish. [Zach gets up and leaves]
The first place Zach went was to the hotel he had registered at. He walked in, put his stuff down, and just as he was about to lie down for some rest, the phone rang.
Tracie: Hey good looking.
Zach: Hey. [smiling] How did you get my room number?
Tracie: I had to bribe your Dad into giving it to me. How is everything?
Zach: Dull, until I answered the phone. [knock on door] [to door] Who is it?
Voice: Room service!
Zach: Come on in! [on phone] Just room service. It’s a bit of alright over here. You should see my room, doll. It’s great.
As Zach talked, the waiter started to pour a drink. As he did, he also slipped something in the glass as well. He then straightened and pushed the cart to Zach.
Zach: I figure I’ll hang out for a bit, wait for the files I need and drive right into this case.
Tracie: Why not take your time? You could have a vacation.
Zach: I don’t want a vacation when my best girl is across an ocean. Besides, we have something we need to discuss.
The waiter stood while Zach looked for some change.
Zach: [to waiter] Hey, if I give you dollar, you think you can go down and get me a doughnut?
Waiter: Sure. [takes dollar and leaves]
Zach picks up his drink.
Zach: Hey, what time is it there?
Tracie: It’s about 6 o’clock.
Zach looks at his watch and inadvertently, spills his drink on the floor.
Tracie: What happened?
Zach: I spilled my drink of the floor. [looks for a napkin] Of all the…
Zach bends over and starts to clean it up, but then stops.
Zach: Tracie, I don’t want to alarm you, baby, but I think someone’s trying to kill me.
Tracie: What? How can you be sure?
Zach looks at the napkin, which has a huge hole in it and looks down at the rug, which also has a large hole where his drink spilled.
Zach: Just a hunch.
Setting: A hotel in London, England. A waiter comes up to room 112 and knocks. When he gets no answer, he opens the door. On the floor, was a young man with black hair. The waiter rushed over to check the man. Just as he had bent over, the other man tripped him and was soon on top of him.
Zach: Hey. You’re not the guy was in here earlier.
Waiter: [frightened] No, sir.
Zach: Oh. Well, geez, sorry about that, man. [helps the man up] You wouldn’t happen to know the waiter was in here earlier?
Waiter: I don’t think so, sir.
Zach: Tall, blond, green eyes, clean shaven…[look from waiter] He’s a friend of mine.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have anyone like that who works here.
Zach: Hmm. You’re sure? [waiter nods] Well, look, [gives man a five] let’s not tell anyone what happened in here, kay? That’s to smooth things over and to keep you quiet.
Waiter: Thank you, sir. [leaves]
Zach knew he was in trouble now. He’d only been in London for a few hours and already someone was trying to kill him. Meanwhile, back in the states, Tracie was at a bar, along with Max and Parker.
Parker: Don’t worry, Trace. The Chief and I will be over there [points to table] if you need us.
Tracie: Guys, I’ll be fine. [looks around] But it’s nice to know I have some backup.
Max: All you have to do is meet him here and hopefully the two of you can plan a date or something. He already knows you’re here. Just play the vamp and everything will be cool. [looks around] here he comes now.
The boys leave as a very attractive man walks up to Tracie.
Brook: Are you Tracie?
Tracie: [smiling] Yes. You must be Hans. How do you do?
Brook: [kissing her hand] You are more beautiful than I realized. Come, let’s find a table.
The two found a table right behind Max and Parker.
Brook: I hear you’re an up and comer.
Tracie: Well, being on Wall Street and then doing a stint at the White House is a lot of work.
Parker: Did you hear that? Tracie’s reeling him in like a big fish.
Max: I just hope she doesn’t get stuck on him. I have my son’s love life on the line. As well as my life when he finds out what’s going on down here.
Parker: Zach’s cool. He knows the difference between business and pleasure.
Brook’s pager started to go off and he looked at it.
Brook: I’m afraid so. Look, I would love to have dinner with you tomorrow night.
Tracie: I’d love it. Julian’s at about eight o’clock?
Brook: Perfect. I shall make the reservations tonight. [kissing her hand] Until tomorrow, Fraulein. [gets up and leaves]
Tracie waited until Brook was gone before she went over to Max and Parker’s table.
Tracie: Julian’s. Eight o’clock. Wanna join me?
Max: I don’t have anything planned. Do you Parker? [Parker shakes his head]
Brook stood at the phones and started to dial the number on his pager.
Brook: [on phone] I just got your page. How did it go?
Man: He’s still alive.
Brook: You put the poison in his drink?
Man: Yes, but he obviously didn’t drink it. We’ll have to think of something else.
Brook: No, you’ll have to think of something else. And don’t page me tomorrow night. I just found my next victim. You just make sure that CONTROL agent is dead the next time you contact me. [hangs up]
The scenes back to London, where Zach sat in the office of Dr. John Smythe.
Smythe: Mr. Smart, it’s a pleasure, of course.
Zach: Thank you, Doctor. I was wondering about the information you found from that sub that was sunk.
Smythe: Well, Smart, from the clues we have, we know it was definitely not torpedoed. We suggest the explosion came from inside the sub.
Zach: Are you saying a bomb was placed inside the sub and then detonated?
Smythe: That’s all we can come up with, Mr. Smart.
Zach: What about this scientist?
Zach: Yeah, you know…um…Brook Hansberg. Who is this guy?
Smythe: [looking around] I can’t talk about that, Mr. Smart.
Smythe: It’s just something I can’t talk about. [whispering] But if you’re not doing anything tonight, maybe I can meet you somewhere.
Zach: [looking around]Hyde Park, eleven o’clock tonight.
Smythe: Fine. Was that all you came here for, Mr. Smart?
Zach: I guess so. I’ll be seeing you later, Dr. Smythe. [leaves]
Zach went back to his hotel room and kept an eye out. He then decided to call Max to see how things were going.
Max: [surprised] Zach! Hi! What’s going on?
Zach: Well, Pop, I thought you might want to know how my case was going.
Max: Yeah, sure. How is it over there?
Zach: Weird. My first day here, someone tried to kill me. Then, I go over to the lab and stuff and the scientist says he wants to meet me in Hyde Park later tonight. It’s crazy. By the way, why are you still at the office?
Max: [tying tie] No reason. Your mother and I thought about having dinner tonight. We’re taking Tracie so she won’t be alone and stuff.
Zach: Hey, how is Tracie?
Max: She’s fine, Zach. You…don’t…don’t want to talk to her, do you?
Zach: Well, actually…nah, I guess it can wait, but it’s really important.
Max: Look, Zach, we’re about to leave, so if you need anything, just call back here. Your sister will be around.
Zach: Alright. Bye, Pop. [hangs up]
Max: [putting on his jacket] [to Tracie] God, your boyfriend is the nosiest person…
Tracie: [smiling] It’s because he loves me, Chief. I would think that would make you happy.
Max: Believe me, darling, [kisses her on the cheek] it does. Ready?
Tracie: Of course.
The two left CONTROL and headed out to Julian’s, where they met 99. Tracie was found by Hans and the two got a table in the center. Max and 99 opted for a booth seat, where they could see what was going on.
99: Max, do you really think this is a good idea?
Max: Having dinner together?
99: No. That was a wonderful idea. This case that you have Tracie on. You know when Zach finds out…
Max: Ah, that’s the catch, my pretty. Cause Zach will never find out. By the time he comes back from London, this case will be over and Zach will be none the wiser. [smiles]
The scene switches toHyde Park. It was very foggy at the night inHyde Park and it took Zach fifteen minutes to find Dr. Smythe. He finally found him and looked around.
Zach: You know, I think I might have a tad bit hasty in arranging this meeting.
Smythe: Yes. It is a bit foggy tonight.
Zach: What was it you needed to tell me that you couldn’t earlier?
Smythe: The scientist you asked about earlier holds some weight here in London.
Zach: What? He’s a KAOS scientist! He works for the bad guys!
Smythe: Mr. Smart, I came out here so I could give you the information you need to connect Hansberg with the sinking of that sub.
Zach: You know it was him?
Smythe: Absolutely. [hands Zach a piece of paper] There’s the address where you can find all the information you need, but you should know you’re not safe here.
Zach: [sarcastically] Yeah, I know. I was almost poisoned.
Smythe: I think I can tell you who is behind all of this.
Zach: You can?
Smythe: In fact, the man behind this is working hand in hand with Dr. Hansberg. The man’s name is…
Zach: [stops him] Hold it. [looks around]
Smythe: What did you do that for?
Zach: Man, in every movie I’ve ever seen, as soon as the informant is about to tell the hero who’s behind a dangerous plot, he’s shot. So, to keep you from getting killed, why don’t you whisper the name to me?
Smythe: Mr. Smart, I’m confident that we’re the only ones out here tonight. I think I can tell you without fear of being hurt. Now, the man’s name is…
Before Smythe could finish, a shot rang out and Smythe fell towards Zach and then to the ground. Zach
looked around, but didn’t see anybody. He knelt down to check on Smythe and found that he was dead.
Zach: [to Smythe] Now, you see? Didn’t I tell you? Wish you had listened to me, huh?
Setting: Julian’s Restaurant. At a table in the center of the room sat Tracie and Hans Brook, a KAOS killer. From across the room, though with a very good view sat Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart. While 99 ate, Max sat watching the young couple eat dinner.
99: You know you shouldn’t be spying on them.
Max: [looks at 99] Darling, why do you think we’re here?
99: [sarcastically] Sorry. I had the silly notion we were here to have dinner.
Max: You’re right, 99. I’m sorry. I just don’t want them to leave together. I know Tracie’s a big girl and all and this isn’t her first suicide mission, but I owe to Zach to make sure nothing happens to her.
99: Max, Tracie’s a big girl. She can take care of herself.
Max: I know, but this guy is crazy. You know, he’s killed fifteen people?
99: I admit, that’s a little steep for a killing career. [starts to take a drink]
Max: Those fifteen people were this month alone. [99 starts to choke on her drink] You alright? [look from 99]
99: Max, you have got to be kidding. Are you telling me that man in the center of the room has killed fifteen people this month? [Max nods] And you put our son’s girlfriend, you’re future daughter-in-law, with that guy…
Max: [stops her] Future daughter-in-law? What’re you talking about?
99: That ring Zach had a couple days ago. That was for Tracie. He’s going to propose.
Max: [smiling] Are you serious? [99 nods]
Max stops to think about what a great thing this is until he gets this look on his face and looks over at the table with
Hans and Tracie.
Max: If anything happens to her, Zach is going to kill me.
Back in London, Zach is reading the paper Smythe had given to him. He realizes the address is in the states, which obviously does him no good. He sits there thinking, until he hears the door to his hotel start to jiggle. He quickly turns out the light and waits. Soon, someone does enter the room and closes the door. Zach jumps up and starts to wrestle with the man. It’s so dark, we can’t see anything, but we hear the struggle going on. Suddenly, a shot rings out and a thud is heard. The light flicks on and we see Zach with a gun in his hand and the intruder on the floor, dead. Zach bent over and turned him over. It was the waiter who tried to kill him. Zach started to search his pockets and soon found a KAOS tattoo on his arm.
Zach: I’m surrounded by bad guys. This is so not cool.
Zach went back to searching and soon found a pager number. He got up and dialed. Back in Washington, Hans Brook’s pager went off. He checked it and found an international number.
Brook: Forgive me, Tracie. I’ll right back. [leaves]
Tracie looks over and sees the Smarts. She gives them an ok sign and Max responds with one as well.
Max: [to 99] Tracie’s doing alright.
Hans went over to the phone and dialed the number.
Brook: This is Hans. I just got a page.
Zach: Hans who?
Brook: Brook, Hans Brook. I received a page from this number.
Zach: Oh. Is Katie there?
Brook: I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number. [hangs up]
Zach too hung up and thought about something.
Zach: [to himself] Hans Brook, KAOS killer numbero uno. Brook Hansberg, KAOS scientist, suspected killer. Killer waiter tries to kill me, Dr. Smythe is murdered in Hyde Park. [to camera] I don’t know about you, but this makes no sense to me. Hey wait a minute. [points to waiter] This guy works for KAOS and thus under Hans Brook. Brook Hansberg is a clever acronym for Hans Brook and…the waiter must’ve killed Smythe! [nods] [to camera] Sounds reasonable to me.
Zach goes over to the phone again and dials another number. The phone in the Chief’s office rings and Maxine answers.
Maxine: CONTROL, Chief’s office.
Zach: Max, it’s Zach.
Maxine: Hey, how’s London?
Zach: [sarcastically] Peachy. Where’s Dad?
Maxine: He’s at dinner with Mom.
Zach: Well, where’s Tracie?
Maxine: I can’t tell you.
Zach: What? Come on, Max!
Maxine: I can’t because she’s out on a case.
Zach: Max, please! You gotta tell me where she is!
Maxine: If I told you, it wouldn’t do any good. You’re in London, remember?
Zach: I’ll catch the first flight out!
Maxine: Zach, forget it! Besides, Dad will have my head.
Zach: Maxine, this is very important. I finally get the whole connection with the sub and this KAOS scientist and it all goes back to Hans Brook, KAOS number one killer!
Maxine: Hans Brook? Are you sure, Zach?
Zach: Yes! Why?
Maxine: That’s who’s Tracie’s out with. [look of shock on Zach’s face]
Setting: The office of the Chief of CONTROL. Max and 99 were going over the notes Tracie has given them about Hans Brook, when Max’s phone rang.
Max: Chief’s office. [pause] Hi Max. What’s that? [pause] [scared look] He’s what? He did what!?
Just then, the automatic door opened and Zach stormed in.
Zach: Where is she?
Max: [sarcastically] I’ll have to call you back, Max. I hope you aren’t doing anything for the next month. [pause] Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I am. [hangs up] [to Zach] Hi Zach! How was London?
Zach: Where’s Tracie?
Max: You look rested…
Zach: Dad! This is a matter of urgency! Where is Tracie? Where is Agent 66?
Max: [pause] I can’t tell you that.
Zach: Dad, I already know she’s on a case. That’s not important! The important thing is that she isn’t with Hans Brook! Now, where is she?
Max: [pause] She’s out.
Zach: Where? [Max looks around] Don’t tell me she’s with Hans Brook!
Max: [annoyed] Zachary, I can’t believe you. Storming in here like a mad man…you didn’t even say hi.
Zach: She’s with Brook, isn’t she?
Max: Now, Zach, you specifically told me not to tell you that.
99: Zach, what is so important that you need to see Tracie?
Zach: So important? So important! How bout the fate of the entire human population!
Max: Zach, will you calm down? You’re not making any sense.
Zach: [taking a deep breath] Hans Brook and Brook Hansberg are one in the same. He blew up that English submarine. Further more, he hired this guy to try and kill me and he ended up killing some doctor who gave me a slip of paper, which he said would lead me to all the answers that I needed to know and it turns out the slip of paper is an address. Now, knowing that Hans Brook is a dangerous KAOS killer, I think it would be in my best interest… [takes a breath] to find out whether my girlfriend was in his company. So… [takes a breath] is she?
Max: [pause] Technically.
Max: That’s her case. To set up Brook into murdering her.
Zach: [pause] What?
Max: Now listen, Zach, we have this whole thing under control. She’s having lunch with him right now.
Max: Now, that I can’t tell you.
Zach: [looking at Max] That’s it. I’m going after her.
Max: No, you’re not.
Zach: Dad, now you know I would never willingly disregard orders that you, yourself have placed for my well being.
Max: [annoyed] Zachary, you are not to leave this room. Or this building.
Zach: Dad, you’re talking about the woman I love! And you’ve basically said she’s on a suicide mission that she may or may not come back from. I gotta go after her.
99: Max, let him go after her.
Max: No! [to 99] No! Why are you always taking his side?
Zach: I implore you, Dad. Where is she?
Max: Forget it!
99: Max, let him go find her.
Max: No, 99. And there’s nothing that you can say or do that is going to make me change my mind!
99: [putting her arms around him] Please, Max?
Max: [about to say no] [to Zach] She’s over at his house. 1345 N. Westwood.
Zach: [holds up slip of paper] That’s the same address on this paper. [to Max] Thanks Pop. [leaves]
Max: [looking at 99] When did I become such a soft touch?
99: When you met me. [smiling]
Zach was at the home of Hans Brook in less than three minutes, considering there was a storm warning and the sky was beginning to look very dark. He parked and instantly recognized Tracie’s little blue convertible. He started towards the door, just as a slight drizzle started. He soon knocked on the door. Hans was downstairs, with a gagged and tied Tracie on a long table.
Hans: Who could that be? [to Tracie] Would you hold on my dear? [leaves]
Zach started to walk about and went around the back to find another door. He saw the basement window and peeked inside. That’s when he saw Tracie tied to a table. He quickly looked around for a rock or something so he could break the glass, but before he could put the rock through, it suddenly became dark.
Setting: The home of Hans Brook. Zach and Tracie were tied to the wall and Brook was checking the tips of arrows.
Zach: Do you really think I came all the way over here by myself?
Hans: I assume you did, Smart. You know, I had it all set up in London just the way it should’ve been. And then you had to come and ruin it all.
Zach: So you sent your little stooge to kill me, huh? Twice, no less.
Hans: With help from Inspector Willis, I easily found your hotel room.
Zach: The Inspector is a member of KAOS?
Hans: As was Dr. Smythe.
Zach: Is London a KAOS city or what?
Hans: I don’t abide by people who always tend to get in my way. [to Tracie] Tracie, darling, why did you, of all people, have to be a member of CONTROL? I thought about sparing your life, once. [goes back to arrows] Alas, the two of you know too much, so I’ll have to kill you.
Zach: You call this a fair fight?
Hans: Of course not. I call it getting away with murder.
Zach: Just like all you KAOS men. You never want to duke it out.
Hans: What do you suggest, Mr. Smart? We fight for your lady fair?
Zach: No. I say we fight for our freedom. If I win, we leave. And you do realize it’s raining outside.
Hans: No go, Mr. Smart.
Just then, there’s a knock at the door. Hans looked at his captives then upward. He finally put down his weapon and went upstairs. Zach pulled out a switchblade and started to cut through the ropes. When he was free, he released Tracie and the two started to go upstairs and try to surprise Hans.
Tracie: I don’t see him, Zach.
Zach: [looking around] He’s around here somewhere. Stay here.
Zach went to the door and opened it. Outside it was raining hard and it was hard to hear. Suddenly, Hans jumped from behind and he and Zach went flying out the door. Tracie quickly ran upstairs and went to the bedroom terrace to watch over head. The two fought outside, furiously. Zach finally thought he had Hans subdued when he pushed him into Tracie’s car and the man had been hit in the head. Zach looked around and saw Tracie on the terrace.
Zach: [shouting] Are you alright?
Tracie: I’m fine! Are you alright?
Zach: Tracie, there’s something I have to tell you!
Zach: There’s something I have to tell you! I love you, Tracie!
Zach: I said…
Zach was cut off by an attack by Hans. The two fought some more until Zach knocked him out.
Zach: Tracie, will you marry me?
Zach: [pulling out ring] Will you marry me?
Before Tracie could say anything, Hans once again got up and tackled Zach, knocking him and the ring to the ground. Zach had hit his head on the ground and was in some pain. Hans took this opportunity to rush in the house and find Tracie. The rest of TS pulled in just as Zach struggled to get up.
Parker: hey, what’s up?
Zach: He’s trying to get to Tracie!
Zach rushed toward the door only to realize it’s locked.
Zach looked over and saw the flower ladder that was next to the window and started to climb it, while Parker and Max tried to break down the front door. As Tracie watched Zach, Hans came from behind and grabbed her. Zach took a chance and leaped from the ladder and landed on Hans, knocking all three over. The two men wrestled more before backing into the terrace railing. The force knocked the two over, but only Zach was able to get a hold of something and hung from the railing.
Zach: Tracie…are you okay?
Tracie: [rubbing her head] I’m fine.
Zach: Good, cause I could use some help over here.
Tracie rushed over to pull Zach up and was soon joined by Max and Parker.
Zach: [sarcastically] Fast work guys.
99: Zach, are you alright?
Zach: Well, for a man who’s seen his life flash before his eyes more than once this week, I guess I’m in pretty good shape.
Tracie: [hands Max a tape] Here. That’s everything.
Tracie: Everything. From how he did this job to how he murdered all his other victims and I do believe I know where the majority of evidence is.
Zach: You were wearing a wire?
Tracie: Of course! You think I enter into strange men’s homes unprotected? [smiling] By the way, in answer to your question, yes.
Zach: [shocked] Really?
Tracie: Really. Yes, I’ll marry you.
Zach smiles happily and starts looking for his ring, which is when his happiness turns to horror when he now can’t find it.
Zach: [searching through pockets] Where is it? [screams] Where’s my ring!?
Max: Zach, will you calm down? You probably dropped it.
Zach: [annoyed] Probably dropped it?! It’s raining outside! It’s probably embedded into some sickly little plants. I gotta find that ring! [rushes out]
Zach runs out of the house and starts to look for the ring.
Tracie: Zach, I don’t need the ring! I’ll marry you without it!
Zach is frantic and finally gives up, defeated. Hans Brook is struggling to stand and get his bearings from the fall.
Zach: [seeing Brook] Why you little…[starts to choke him]
Everyone runs over to stop Zach from killing him.
Zach: [still choking Brook] You made me lose my ring, you stupid little…
Maxine: [trying to pull him away] Zach, stop it! You’ll kill him!
Setting: Max’s office.
Max: Well, 99, we have all the evidence we need to send Hans Brook to jail for a long time and we even cleared Zach of assault. Not bad for a week’s work. [Zach and Tracie walk in] Ah, here comes my favorite couple. You’ll be glad to know, Zachary, those assault charges have been dropped.
Zach: Great. Actually, Dad, Tracie and I came in here to ask you for a favor.
Max: Name it.
Zach: Well…as you know…I lost that ring.
99: It’s a shame. It was a beautiful ring.
Zach: Very. And well, Tracie didn’t get to see it and because I only got one ring…
Tracie: I sort of don’t have an engagement ring.
Zach: That’s where you come in, Dad. I was wondering if I could have a raise.
Max: In salary?
Zach: [sarcastically] No, in balloons. Of course in salary! That ring cost me a whole week’s paycheck, which either doesn’t say much for my paycheck or that I’m a very heavy buyer.
Max: I’m sorry, Zach. I’d like to help you out, but we can’t spare a raise in anyone’s salary.
99: Aw, Max. Give him a raise in salary.
Max: 99, will you stop it? Why must you always take his side? [to Zach] The answer is no, Zachary.
Max: Stop it! No! And that’s my final answer. [looks at her] [pause] [to Zach] Is $250 dollars enough?
Zach: Hey, that’s great, Pop.
Max: [looks at 99] Why do I even bother? I can’t win a decent argument with you in the room.
99: [patting him on the shoulder] You wouldn’t have it any other way. [surprised look from Max]
Max: [to Zach] Are you sure this is what you want to deal with for the rest of your life?
Zach: [putting his arm around Tracie] I’m sure, Pop. Very sure.
THE ENDING CREDITS OF GET SMART!!