Chapter 5

 

SETTING: The records department. The Smarts were there on a hunch from Zach. The records department was
in a huge room and all around were file cabinets. The foursome went to the back, where the Omni-file was.

Maxine: Zach, why are we here?

Zach: I’m going on a hunch, but I want to check the files for John Hobbs and the Commander. I want
you to check in the other cabinets. We’ll stay here and check the Omni-file.

Maxine: Alright, Zach. [leaves]

Zach: Dad, push the B button.

Max pushed a button and one of the cabinets popped open and hit Zach in the back.

Zach: [rubbing his back] I said B, Dad!

Max: Sorry ‘bout that. [pushes another button. B drawer pops out.]

Zach: You check B and I’ll check the H’s. [Max pushes the H button]

The guys are checking both drawers when Maxine comes around the corner.

Maxine: Zach, both files are gone!

Zach: Yeah, same here. [stands up]

99: Zach, that means whoever the double agent is, has already been here! What’re we going to do?

Zach: the first thing we’re going to do is go up those stairs and find those files!

Voice: [from behind them] Not so fast, Smart!

Zach: Would you believe the SECOND thing we’ll do? [they turn around]

Standing there is a KAOS agent, gun in hand.

KAOS: Well, Smart, I’m sorry this has to be a short meeting.

Zach: You’re not sorry.

KAOS: [grins] You’re right. [raising gun] I’m not.

Max: Exactly how much are you getting paid for this?

KAOS: the average KAOS salary. And don’t try to tell me it’s cheap. Everyone knows KAOS agents have better salaries than CONTROL.

Max: I wasn’t going to say that. I was just going to say you should get a raise or something. I mean, you’re about to kill the Smarts. That is, if you’re successful.

KAOS: What’re you talking about, if I’m successful?

Zach: You’re talking about killing the indestructible Smarts. No one in KAOS has even come CLOSE to killing ANY of us.

KAOS: [angrily] Now listen, Smart! Don’t think that I won’t kill you now! There’s nothing stopping
me from killing you!

Max: We didn’t say you couldn’t do it! Just that, you’re wasting your time.

KAOS: That’s it! [puns gun down by side] If KAOS wants this job done, they can get someone else. I refuse to be insulted.

Zach: Maybe you should call first. My sister’s got a phone. [Maxine takes out cell, hands it to Zach]
Here ya go.

As the KAOS agent reaches for the phone, Max knocks the gun from his hand and Zach knocks him out. The
agent falls to the floor.

Zach: [to KAOS agent] Sorry, ‘bout that, fathead. [to the rest of the Smarts] Now, let’s get upstairs!

The foursome go upstairs and are met with the Commander.

Commander: I’m glad to run into you. The double agent has hit and hit hard. There are vital CONTROL files missing from both records and the Omni-files.

Zach: Yes, we just found that out.

Commander: If I were you, Smart, I’d have a definite talk with all members of your team. [leaves to his
office]

Maxine: What did he mean by THAT?

Zach: Max, get on the loud speaker and get 66 up here. I have a feeling each and everyone of us has a lot of explaining to do.

Minutes later, in the briefing room, we see Zach, Maxine, and 66 in a heated argument on the whereabouts during crucial moments of the investigation.

66: [to Zach] I am NOT a double agent, Smart!

Zach: Then explain what you were doing in the records department after I left?

66: [angrily] Well, then explain to me what you did when you went back to the Seedy Oyster last night!

Maxine: You went back to the Seedy Oyster last night?

66: Yeah. After he told us to go home.

Zach: I went back to see if anything else was happening!

Maxine: Well, how do we know that! What if you’re the double agent!

Zach: Oh, Max, really!

Maxine: Well, you’re always discussing the KAOS pay raises. What if you decided to cash in.

Max: Hold it. Hold it! [everyone stops] Now, lets just calm down. NO ONE in this room is a double agent. [pause] Are you?

Everyone: NO!

Max: Okay. Now, lets just take this step by step. Now, fact. There is another double agent in the midst
of CONTROL. Fact. Whoever that agent is, has killed John Hobbs. Fact. Both the Hobbs file and the Commander’s files are gone.

Zach: wait a minute….today in the briefing….the Commander asked Parker if he had analyzed the glass that Hobbs was drinking from.

66: yeah. So?

Zach: We didn’t tell him Hobbs was drinking from a glass. He shouldn’t have known until AFTER Parker told us all what was in that glass. The only way he could’ve known was if he was there with us or…

99: He was the killer.

66: The Commander knew about every place we went to.

Maxine: Including the stakeout Zach and I did on Monday.

Max: Well, that means that the Commander is the double agent.

Zach: he has to be. He’s the only other person who knew about the KAOS activities. [pauses] But one
thing puzzles me.

Max: ONE thing?

Zach: Actually, two things.

66: Well, what?

Zach: the Commander suggested we get outside help, right? That’s where Mom and Dad come in. But knowing
he was bringing in 86 and 99, he must’ve known we were related. I mean, everyone at CONTROL knows Max and I are the kids of Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart. How could he’ve NOT known?

66: Well, assuming that he DID, you think it might be some kind plot to get rid of ALL the Smarts?

Max: That’s an interesting conclusion, 66.

66: Thank you, sir.

99: Well, then, if that’s the case, we’re in more danger than ever.

Zach: maybe not. Our fist problem now is to get that missile back from KAOS. And I think the first place to check is our favorite hangout, the Seedy Oyster.

 

 

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