The Congresswoman’s Day of Spies


The Congresswoman’s Day of Spies



Setting: The office of the Chief of CONTROL, Maxwell Smart. Max was trying to explain something to his son, Agent 78, Zachary Smart. Zach was totally off into space as his father gave him instructions.

Max: [reading file] This new KAOS group, the Diamond Wright, has been in business for about four or five months, but they’ve caused the most damage we’ve ever seen from a group like this. 70 banks robbed, $150,000 in jewelry stolen…and worse yet, the group has made numerous threats against the president AND the United Nations. This group will be incredibly hard to…[looks up at Zach] If I’m boring you, Zachary, you can go home.

Zach: [spaced] [looks at Max] What? Gee, I’m sorry, Dad. I guess I wasn’t paying attention.

Max: So I’ve noticed. Zachary, this is the fourth time this week. What’s going on?

Zach: Nothing. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind.

Max: Agent 66, you mean.

Zach: I can’t believe how bad I screwed this up, Dad. She’s never going to speak to me again.

Max: Well, here’s a thought. Have you tried talking to her?

Zach: [looks at Max] After what she did to me? Are you crazy?!

Max: [looks at Zach] [phone rings] [hands Zach file folder] Read this. I’ll answer the phone. [on phone] Chief’s office, Chief speaking.

The scene moves to Agent 99’s office in the Congress building. The scenes go back and forth.

99: [smiling] Well, just the person I wanted to talk to.

Max: [smiling] Likewise. How’s it going, hun?

99: Pretty good. You?

Max: Going well, I guess. Just having our son look over the Diamond Wright file.

99: That’s what I was checking myself. By the way, how is our son?

Max: Depressed, of course.

Zach: [to Max] I am not depressed. [to phone] I’m not depressed! [to himself] A little upset, maybe…

99: He’s depressed. You have talked to him, haven’t you?

Max: Yes…not that he’s listening to a word I say, of course. What’ve you found out about that KAOS group?

99: From what I can see, they’re basically a terrorist group who happen to be hiding behind the KAOS logo. I just think they have bigger things up their sleeves then to rob banks and things.

While 99 is talking, three mysterious figures walk past her door.

Max: I agree, but the thing now is to figure out what exactly they’re up to.

99: [hears noise] Hey Max, I’m going to put you on speaker for a minute. [switches]

Max: Sure. Anything wrong?

99 goes towards the office door.

99: [to Max] Probably not. I just think someone’s at the door.

Max: Well who?

99 opens the door and looks outside…and doesn’t see anyone. Suddenly, a hand comes from behind her and places something over her mouth. She struggles for a minute then goes limp. Then she’s taken away.

Max: [concerned] 99? 99? [Zach looks up from the file] 99! [hits receiver button]

After a few minutes, Max hears the dial tone. He looks at the phone and then at his son.

Max: Something’s wrong.






Setting: The Chief’s office. Half of the CONTROL agents were in Max’s office, trying to figure out why they were there.

Max: [trying to quiet everyone] Hold it, hold it! [quiet] Let me explain why you’re all here. Something’s happened to my wife. She called here about an hour ago, went to check on something, and hasn’t returned my calls. Something is definitely wrong. Now, I might just be a worried husband and there’s probably not to worry about, but I want to be absolutely sure. So I want you guys to go to the Congress building, have a look around, make sure everything’s okay and lastly, but most importantly FIND MY WIFE! Alright, you have your orders, get to them. [agents leave]

66: Chief, don’t you think you may be going a little overboard?

Max: [sarcastically] If I am, 66, I humbly apologize to you.

Maxine: Daddy, I think Tracie’s right. Mom was probably called away and it was like an emergency.

Max: Then she would’ve called back. No, you guys, something is very wrong. I know your mother. I’ve known her for a very long time. She just wouldn’t call me, then just leave. Besides, she sounded suspicious.

Parker: In what way, Chief?

Max: She put me on speaker phone cause she thought someone was at the door. I guess she went to answer it and that was that. [the phone rings]

Maxine: See, Daddy? I bet that’s her right now. [Parker answers]

Parker: CONTROL headquarters, Agent Parker speaking. [pause] [to Max] It’s for you, Chief. I think this is important.

Max: [taking phone] Chief here.

The scene changes to one of the offices in the Congress building. 99 was tied to a chair and trying her best to get lose. A young man is on the phone and the scenes switch back and forth.

Man: Chief of CONTROL, we have something of yours. [holds to the phone in 99’s direction]

99: Max!

Max: 99! [to man] Where’s my wife?

Man: She’s with us. In the Congress building. Do you think you can find her?

Max: [angry] I could find her with my eyes closed!

Man: I wouldn’t bet on that, Mr. Smart. But you do have a short time to find her…cause we plan to blow this building apart.

Max: Who is this?

Man: Come and find out. Let’s just say you’ll find the right diamonds. Until your arrival, Mr. Smart. [hangs up]

Zach: Who was that?

Max: I don’t know, but they have your mother. [starts to leave, but is stopped by Zach]

Zach: Whoa! Where do you think you’re going?

Max: Obviously to rescue my wife. [starts again, but is stopped]

Zach: Hold up, Pop. You can’t just run out like that. Look, let’s sit down and you tell us what’s going on.

Max: [angry] in short order, Zachary, some fanantical group is holding your mother in the Congress building and they plan to blow the whole thing up. Now, as I was saying…

Parker: Look, Chief, why don’t you stay here? We’ll go check out the Congress building.

66: Besides, Chief, you’ve already sent like twenty agents down there already.

Max: You’re joking, right? You actually want me to sit here while some crazy madman holds my wife hostage and threatens to blow her and the building they’re in up!? Is that what you’re telling me?

Quartet: No, sir.

Max: Then let’s go. [heads out door]

Zach: [to trio] make sure you keep him away from that building. [they all leave]

Within minutes, the group of five arrives at the Congress building, which was already covered by a small amount of CONTROL agents. Max was the first out of the car, followed by everyone else.

Agent: Hi Chief.

Max: What’s going on, Chester?

Chester: Well, we searched everywhere, Chief. Or at least everywhere outside.

Max: Why didn’t you search inside?

Agent #2: No way in. The doors are locked.

Zach: Are you serious? A National workplace and the doors are locked?

Max: [to Zach] Still think I’m over reacting? [Zach’s shoe phone rings]

Zach: [answering] Zachary Smart, Agent 78 speaking.

The scene goes to the same office as before, this time a woman is speaking.

Woman: Mr. Smart, you have exactly one minute to find out where your mother is.

Zach: Who is this?

Woman: I’d be more interested in where your mother is and what we plan to do to her if our demands are not met.

Zach: What are your demands?

Woman: You’ll have to find out. [hangs up]

Zach: Hey! [hears dial tone] That was one of them. They said we had exactly a minute to find Mom or…

Parker: Or what?

Just then, shots ring out from one of the offices. One bullet hit the Agent Chester and knocked him down. Everyone else ducked behind the cars and with drew their weapons.

Maxine: I guess that’s “or what”.

Max: I’m going in. [takes off]

Zach: Dad! [takes off after him]

The two men start to run for the building, when a loud explosion pushed them back to the ground. When the debris cleared, the office where the gunfire was coming from was nothing but a whole in the wall.

Max: [staring at the fallout] 99.




Setting: Outside the Congress building. A section of the upper floors was now gone and on the ground, Max and Zach looked up into the gaping hole.

Zach: [in shock] I don’t believe it. [to Max] They blew it up.

Agent #3: [to Max] I don’t want to alarm you, Chief, but I think they mean business. [Max and Zach look at him]

The scene switches to an office inside the building. Inside were the man and woman who had called earlier. There were also two more men and their captive…Agent 99.

Woman: Do you think they’ll leave?

Man: I doubt it. Knowing Smart, he’s going to want to break in and search top and bottom for us.

99: And he will, too, you know.

Man: [to 99] Yes, Mrs. Smart. That happens to be our plan.

99: What plan? Capture me to get to Max, then kill him? [sarcastically] Oh, well, yes. That is a plan. A plan that’s been used every day and every year of our spy career! Can’t you guys at KAOS think of anything original?

Man #2: Well, how about this for a plan? How bout we kidnap the wife of the Chief of CONTROL, who just happens to be a congress member? Then, we plant bombs in about half of the offices here and when the Chief and the rest of CONTROL come in, we blow you all sky high? How about that?

99: [thinking] Well, that is a tad bit better.

Woman: [looking out window with binoculars] Hey! They’re leaving!

Man & 99: What?

The man rushes over to the window and takes the binoculars. From below, it indeed looked like everyone was leaving.

99: They’re not leaving. [pause] Are they? Are they really?

Man: It seems so. But then again, I never underestimate your husband, Mrs. Smart.

From below, Zach was running everyone away.

Zach: Okay, come on guys! Let’s get out of here!

66: What’re you doing?

Zach: I’m making everyone leave.

66: Why? Isn’t your mother up there somewhere being held captive?

Zach: Look, I don’t have the time to discuss this right now.

66: [sarcastically] You evidently don’t have the time to discuss ANYTHING any more.

Zach: [stops and looks at 66] What does that mean?

66: You know exactly what that means and trying to pretend like you don’t…

Zach: [angry] Now, listen! I’ve tried talking to you like there’s no tomorrow, but No! You hardly ever want to talk to me and I’ll tell you something else…

The two began to get into a heated argument until Max came up and stopped them.

Max: Hey! I ask you to do a simple job for me. A little plan of some sort and I find you here… arguing at the TOP of your lungs. [pause] Could you please go back to my plan? Hmm? Do you think for once, you can stop thinking about yourselves and GET BACK TO MY PLAN!? Move it! Go! Now! Get to my plan!!

66: Chief, that’s something I can’t do.

Max: [angry] Why not?!

66: Cause I don’t know what your plan is.

Max: [pause] Oh. Well, basically, 66…we’re leaving.

66: We’re leaving? For real?

Max: No! We’re pretending to leave. Then when they think we’re gone, we’re going to break in through the back. 66, do you really think I’d leave my wife up there?

66: Well…

Max: You really think I’d leave 99 up there? What kind of person do you think I am, Tracie?

66: A wonderful man, Chief! Certainly a better man than some people around here sharing your last name. [looks at Zach, who stops what he’s doing]

Max: [half smiling] Thank you, 66. [66 leaves] [looks at Zach]

Zach: That’s it, Pop. I’m not working with her anymore. She…she does…does this on purpose!

Max: Zachary, I promise when we get your mother back, you don’t have to work together anymore, okay? Just please, please…do this one thing for me without any arguments.

Zach: Alright, Pop. But only cause you asked! I certainly wouldn’t do it if…that woman asked…but for you, I’ll do anything.

Max: Good. Could you do me a favor, son?

Zach: Absolutely, Dad. Anything.


Zach gets back to making all the agents leave. Soon, everyone is in their cars and driving off. Up in the office, the group sees this and moves away from the window.

Man #3: Well, that’s it then. We’re done. There’s no point of keeping her here. [points to 99]

Man #1: You’re jumping to conclusions. Don’t underestimate Smart and CONTROL. Besides…we’ll be doing KAOS a favor. They’ve been wanting to get rid of CONTROL and the Smarts for a long time. Killing them puts money in our pocket. [to 99] No offense, Mrs. Smart. I certainly don’t want to offend my little gold mine.

99: No offense taken, you creep.

Man #1: That’s not a very nice thing to say. Especially when it might be your last. So I’d behave if I were you. [glare from 99] Johnnie, go and call the boss and tell him things are still on track. [woman leaves] Well, Mrs. Smart, it’s about time we let you go. [goes to chair]

99: Really? You’re really letting me go? [man unties ropes] I take back that creep comment.

Man #1: Oh no no no. We’re not letting you GO. We’re letting you go inside of this room. See, we’re leaving to take care of business and see where your husband and the others went. We’re leaving you here, but free to move about.

99: [rubbing wrists] I reinstate the creep comment that I recently took back.

Man #2: Don’t think about escaping, Miss. Remember, we’re on like the 20th floor. The only way out is the door.

Man #3: And that’ll be locked.

Man #1: Have fun, Mrs. Smart. Try and stay happy. [smiles]

The men leave and close and lock the door behind them, leaving 99 leaning on the desk.

99: Max, where are you?

Elsewhere, on the ground and behind the building, the team of CONTROL agents were staking out the building. A team of six agents were making their way around the building and each had walkie-talkies. Behind one of the cars, sat Zach, Maxine, 66, and Parker.

Zach: [on walkie-talkie] This is Little Rooster to Manic Mabel. Come in, Manic Mabel.

66: Who’s idea was it to give out dumb nicknames?

Parker: Guess.

66: [looks at Zach] Should’ve known.

Maxine looks at Parker and gives him an elbow in the ribs.

Parker: Ow! What was that for?

Maxine: Don’t add.

Mabel: This is Manic Mabel. Do you read me, Smart?

Zach: [on walkie-talkie] I read you, Manic Mabel and that’s Little Rooster to you. What’ve you found out so far?

Mabel: Well, the boys and I found a car out here, parked next your Mom’s. We think it might be something.

Zach: Then break in to it, man! That car could hold clues to the perpetrators behind this.

Maxine: You realize that’s breaking and entering, don’t you?

Zach: All steps must be taken in order to discover the identity of the man or men responsible for the kidnapping of our mother. I would think you’d be a little more sympathetic.

66: And I would think you couldn’t get any more overboard and pathetic than you are now.

Zach: [to 66] Did I ask for your opinion? I don’t believe I asked for your commentary.

Once again, Zach and 66 start an argument, which is slightly stopped by Maxine.

Maxine: Look. We’ll just ask Dad.

Parker: Have you guys seen the Chief?

Zach: What’re you talking about? [points over to Parker] He’s right…[double take] He was right there. Dad…Dad…

The quartet start looking for him and find he’s no where in sight!




Setting: Outside the Congress Building. A battery of CONTROL agents stood in the back of the building, waiting for word on what to do. Four other agents searched frantically for their leader, Chief Maxwell Smart.

Zach: I…I don’t get it. He was right here a minute ago. Why weren’t you guys watching him?

66: [angry] Why weren’t YOU watching him? He is YOUR father after all.

Zach: Yeah and he’s your boss. He gets word that you willing let him get lost, he’s gonna fire you.

66: And that would just be a nice little feather in your cap, wouldn’t it?

Maxine: hey…HEY! [Zach and Tracie stop] Now is not the time. In any case, Dad is gone. Personally, I just think he had to get away from the two of you, BUT…my suspicions lie in the fact that he’s probably storming the building by himself.

Just as Maxine predicted, Max had broken in to the back doors of the building and was the first floor, looking around.

Max: [to self] Hmmm…not on the first floor. There’s no way I can search this whole building by myself. [thinking] [snaps his fingers]

Max walked over to one of the desk and dialed a number. Upstairs in her quiet room, 99 heard a ringing in the room and quickly realized it was her cell phone going off. She quickly picked up and answered.

99: [in a whisper] Hello?

Max: Hi! How’s it going?

99: Max! Oh Max, you came back. I thought you all had left.

Max: Me, leave my best girl in a hostage situation? Not in your life.

99: Oh Max, it’s so good to hear your voice. Where are you?

Max: On the first floor. Where’re you?

99: The twentieth floor.

Max: Wow, that high up huh? Can you tell me exactly where you are?

99: I’m not sure, exactly, but I’m in one of the offices right now. In fact, you know the office that was blown up?

Max: Yeah.

99: I think I might be down the hall from there. I can tell you I’m at the front of the building.

Max: Hmm…that works perfect cause I’m at the back of the building. Are you alone?

99: Yes, but the door’s locked.

Max: That means you have at least one guy standing outside.

99: I don’t think so, Max. These offices aren’t sound proof. Once they heard the phone ring, they would’ve been here. I doubt they’re even in the area.

Max: Well, I’m not going to take any chances. I’ll be up there in no time. [hangs up]

Just as Max had hung up, his shoe phone started to ring. He quickly answered.

Max: Hello?

Zach: And just what do you think you’re doing?

Max: Rescuing my wife. Have a problem with that?

Zach: yes, actually, I do. This was not part of the plan. You’re being a renegade, Dad.

Max: Zachary, all you have to do, is come in. I broke open the lock.

Zach: Dad, you’re threading dangerous ground here. What if something happens to you? [no answer] Look, Dad, I know this is harsh and all, but you gotta believe me, it’s a lot more effective with you out here and us in there. [no answer] Dad, are you going to give me the silent treatment over the phone? It’s not working. [still no answer] Dad? Dad? Hello?

Inside, Max had been found out by one of the group members. With a gun to his head, Max relinquished his shoe phone and was lead to the elevator.

66: What happened?

Zach: Something’s wrong.

Inside 99’s room, she was pacing back and forth, wondering what was going on. Just then, the door was unlocked and opened.

Man 1: I have a visitor for you. [brings Max in]

99: Max! [hugs him]

Max: Are you alright, 99?

99: I’m fine.

Man 1: What a sweet reunion.

Max: You think you got me? Well, as we speak, an army of 100 CONTROL agents have surrounded this building. Would you believe it? A 100 CONTROL agents.

Man 1: Oh, I believe it.

Max: Really? Huh. [to 99] I like this guy, 99. He’s sincere.

Man 1: I didn’t think you left. I figured you probably went around to the back of the building.

Max: So that’s how you knew I was in the building.

Man 1: Actually, I had no clue until I went down to the first floor and saw you. Then I figured you probably called your wife and were sending in the reinforcements. So, I decided to stop you.

99: You’re the one who’s going to be stopped once those agents find out where we are.

Man 1: I figure exactly that, Mrs. Smart. That’s why I think it’s important that the Diamond Wright group leaves as soon as possible.

Duo: The Diamond Wright?

Man 1: One in the same. Mark Wright, your friendly hostage taker.

Max: Maxwell Smart, the man who will be your undoing.

Wright: [laughs] You’re a funny guy, Mr. Smart. It’ll be a shame when you, your wife, and this building goes up with a big bang. But you know, I suspect that would be a famous ending to a famous partnership. [Max and 99 look at each other] But…I’ll give you one sporting chance. I’ll turn off all the little bombs I have littered over the building.

Max: [to 99] I told you, 99. All heart.

Wright: That way, the two of you can concentrate on finding the really big bomb I have hidden in one of the offices.

Max: [to 99] Well, maybe not heart, but he’s kind. I can see it. The man is very kind.

Wright: Or rather, should I say…you’ll need to find the master switch before you find the bomb. That way, if my associates and I do indeed decide one bomb just isn’t enough and reactivate the smaller bombs, you’ll still have a very small fighting chance to stay alive.

99: [to Max] Care to take back what you said?

Max: You know, Wright…you’re not a very nice man.

Wright: You have, Mr. And Mrs. Smart, about thirty minutes to find the bomb and the master controls. But…don’t worry. I decided to be nice and put the two together in the same room. Don’t you don’t have to look far. [turns to leave] [opens door, stops, looks at Smarts] You’ll be hearing from us again, I assure you. But until then, my crew leaves you with a fond adieu. [leaves]

99: Max, what’re we going to do? There have to be at least a thousand offices up here. There’s no way we’ll find that bomb in time.

Max: Listen, 99, I have a plan. First, [picking up phone] we’re going to call the agents that are surrounding the building.

On the ground, Zach, Maxine, 66, and Parker were still waiting for another word from Max, when Maxine’s cell phone went off.

Max: [on phone] Max, it’s Dad.

Maxine: Daddy! We’ve been so worried. What’s going on?

Max: Well, sweetie, in a nutshell, your mother and I have exactly [looks at watch] maybe about twenty-eight minutes to find the master controls and turn off a very large bomb that’s in the building.

Maxine: You’re kidding? Twenty-eight minutes…

Max: Twenty-seven now.

Maxine: Whatever. Daddy, that’s not a lot of time to find anything in a building this size.

Max: Well, Maxi, this where you and the rest of the agents come in. You guys are going to help us.

After explaining what his immediate plans were, Max said goodbye to Maxine.

99: Max, that’s a little risky.

Max: What is?

99: Having all of CONTROL come in here and find that bomb. We’re falling right into their plan!

Max: Don’t worry, 99, I have a hunch. Wright basically stood here and told us where the bomb was.

99: He did?

Max: He did. It’s very convenient that we’re up here. It stands to reason, 99, the bomb must be downstairs on one of the lower floors.

99: But Max, that’s 19 floors below us.

Max: That’s what I thought, too, 99. But then I realized, it’s very convenient that we’re up here and the Diamond Wright is down there somewhere.

99: Meaning that the bomb could be up here with us.

Max: Exactly. So my plan is, 99, while CONTROL is checking everything down there, we’ll check things up here.

99: That’s not really much of a plan, Max. [Max looks at her, hurt] I mean, it’s very good plan, but I don’t it could be called a plan. An idea, maybe.

Max: [pause] You always know how to cheer me up, 99.

For about fifteen minutes, the groups of people in the building searched for anything that remotely could be the master switch or a bomb. Upstairs, on the 23rd floor, Max and 99 had checked about every office up there and were heading toward the elevator.

99: It’s hopeless, Max. We’ve searched everywhere.

Max: Don’t give up, 99. We still have one more floor to go through.

99: I think Wright lied when he said the bomb was in the building.

Max: Now, look, 99. Mark Wright may be a lot of things, but a liar? I can’t believe that…

Right before the elevator, Max stopped and looked over at what seemed to be a very large copy machine.

Max: Hey, 99. Look at that.

99: What? The copier? It’s just a copier, Max.

Max: That’s a pretty large copier.

99: This is a pretty big building. [Max heads over to copier] Max, what’re you doing? We have less than fifteen minutes to find that bomb!

Max: I just want to look at the copier, 99. [looks over copier] Hey, 99. You’ll never believe this. This copier is made by a company called The Diamond Wright. [laughs]

Suddenly, both Max and 99 realized what this was. Out in the open, seemingly the perfect place…sat a very large master control box. Soon, 99 was standing with Max at the copier.

99: I don’t believe it. Right here in the open.

Max: That Wright. If he didn’t work for KAOS, he could be the world’s most smartest person.

99: Well, Max, what do we do now?

Max: Simple, 99. [starts to lean over machine] We just have to find the switch that turns it off.

The two start looking, but have no luck.

99: Nothing. Not even a plug.

Max: Really? No plug? Wright’s even smarter than I give him credit for. Well, we’ll just have to bust it up.

Max starts to move and is instantly thrown back into the machine.

99: Max, I had a thought.

Max: Oh no.

99: [annoyed] Well, I’m sorry I don’t have the brilliant mind to come up with titillating ideas such as you.

Max: What? Sorry, 99, I wasn’t listening. I got my sleeve caught in the copier. You were saying?

99: [coming over to help] I was saying I had an idea.

Max: What’s your idea?

99: Remember what Wright said about having the bomb and the master controls in the same room?

Max: [still struggling] Yeah.

99: Well, in lieu of the copier, what if the bomb is something that’s normal and right out in the open? Like…[looking around] like that phone, or the soda machine…

Max: Or the copier.

Max and 99 look at each other, then at the copier.

99: Max! That’s it!

Max: Right. [pause] What’s it?

99: The whole reason we can’t find a switch or a plug. He’s rigged the bomb with the master switch. [looks at Max] If that’s the case, we have to get out of here.

Max: As lovely [struggling] of a plan [still struggling] as that is, 99…I just can’t go down the street with a copier attached to my arm. [one last attempt] Besides, it doesn’t even match my suit.

99: Max, there’s gotta be something we can do. [looks at watch] In about the next ten minutes.

Max: [looks at 99] Oy. Look, 99…there’s only one way to stop this and that’s going inside, finding that bomb, and disarming it.

99: [sarcastically] Okay, Sherlock. How do you intend to do that?

Max: [pause] Give me a minute.

Parker: Need some help?

The Smarts look up and see Agent 66 and Parker coming their way.

Max: Oh Parker. You have no idea how glad I am to see you.

Parker: [walking over to other side of Max] Well, I’m glad to see you too, Chief. [to 99] Ah, Mrs. Smart. Always a pleasure seeing your bright smiling face.

99: [smiles] Likewise, Austin.

Max: [annoyed] [to Parker] If you’re quite finished hitting on my wife, do you think you could disarm this very large bomb that’s hidden inside this copier?

66: There’s a bomb in the copier?

Parker: Really?

Max: [annoyed] [to Parker] Really.

Parker: Well, that’s ingenious. Just think, with that knowledge…

Max: [angry] [to Parker] Will you just disarm the bomb?

99: [looks at watch] Five minutes, Max.

Max: Hurry, Parker.

Parker: I’m trying, Chief, but it isn’t easy trying to take apart a copier.

99: Four minutes.

Max: 99, could…could you not count down anymore? It’s making me a little nervous.

66: Chief, you don’t happen to know who’s behind this, do you?

Max: Yes, but if we all blow up, it really wouldn’t matter anymore.




Parker: I think I almost got it, but one false move and we’re all blown to kingdom come.

Max: [sarcastically] Thanks for the lovely image, Parker.




Parker: [looks at wires] That did it.

99: You disarmed the bomb?

Parker: [gravely] I don’t think so.




The outside of the building was quiet. Inside, CONTROL agents were still searching for the master control switch and a bomb. Zach and Maxine were in the middle floors and were starting to get a bit worried.

Maxine: Zach, we haven’t heard from them yet and I’m sure time is running out.

Zach: [looks at watch] Correction. Time has run out. About two minutes ago.

Maxine: Oh no. But we didn’t hear a blast or anything. Do you think they’re okay?

On the 23rd floor, Max, 99, 66, and Parker were waiting for a blast from the copier, but nothing happened.

Max: [opening eyes] Hey. Nothing happened. We’re still alive.

66: Parker, I thought you said you didn’t disarm the bomb?

Parker: Well, to be fair, I didn’t. But I did stop the clock.

Max: So?

Parker: So…no clock, no bomb exploding.

Max: Parker, you’re a genius. And much smarter than that dumb Marcus Wright.

Parker: [looks at Max] Thanks, Chief. But look, I only gave us enough time to get your sleeve out.

Max: Well, [unbuttoning shirt] I’ve got an idea.

66: What’re you doing?

Max: [getting out of shirt] See, I get out of my shirt and I just pull on it like this.

Max starts pulling on the shirt until finally, the shirt rips in half. One half is in Max’s hands the other half dangles from the copier.

66: Was that part of your plan, Chief?

Max: A word to the wise, 66. No one likes a gossipy secret agent. Get it?

66: Got it.

Max: Good.




Setting: The office of Chief Maxwell Smart. Max was getting off the phone when Zach and 66 walked in.

Max: Any news?

66: Well, almost all of the Diamond Wright was captured.

Zach: Except Marcus Wright. We think KAOS may be hiding him and keeping things low.

66: Well, as long as he stays out of the way, I’m sure KAOS will go back to bank robbing, counterfeiting, larceny…

Max: It’ll be nice to have things back to normal. Well, if that’s it…

Zach: Actually, Pop, there is one more thing.

Max: What?

66: Do you remember what you said to Zach, sir? That as soon as we got Mrs. Smart back, we wouldn’t have to work together again?

Max: [looks at both of them] Oh come on! You guys really aren’t taking me up on that, are you?

Zach: Tracie and I have talked it out and we think this is the best thing.

Max: You can’t be serious. Look, kids, do one more case for me as a team and I promise…I SWEAR you’ll never have to work together again.

66: You promise?

Max: Absolutely.

Zach: Scout’s honor?

Max: [holds up two fingers] Scout’s honor.

66: Well, just for you then, Chief.

As Zach and 66 leave, we can see Max’s fingers are crossed behind his back.

Max: Bye guys. Have a good night. [Zach and 66 leave] Suckers.