THE CLOCKWORK’S WORKING CLOCK
SETTING: The house of Malcolm Waters, Senator for Maine. Waters had just come from the door, where a package had been delivered to him. He brought the package in and examined it. He unwrapped the brown paper to reveal a coo-coo clock, imported all the way from Switzerland. Waters thought this very flattering and picked up the card that went with it.
Waters: [reading card] Senator Waters, for all your insight and powerful representation of Maine, we here at the Malcolm Waters Fan Club present you with this working clock, all the way from Switzerland. We hope you enjoy it. Signed, Samuel Belfries, President.
What a lovely gift, Waters thought. He set the clock on his table and started to wind it up.
He sat down and looked closely at it. It seemed as though the clock face was spinning. He stared deeply into the clock, watching the lines it produced. Suddenly, a voice was heard from the clock.
Voice: [in Swiss accent] Senator Vaters, this is H.S. Von Stickle. Do you hear me?
Waters: Yes, Master. I hear you.
Von Stickle: Good. Mr. Vaters, you are now in my power. Do you understand?
Waters: Yes, master.
Von Stickle: You are to go down to the Lincoln Memorial and vait for a man in a dark trench coat. You are to hand over any files you have on the top secret defense bases to him. Then, you vill take his gun, point it to your head, and pull the trigger. Is that clear?
Waters: Yes, master.
Von Stickle: You are to destroy this clock as soon as I am finished talking. Go now.
Waters, still in a trance picks up the clock, and throws it down on the floor. It breaks into a million
pieces. Waters then goes towards the door, gets his coat, then goes out.
THE NEW OPENING CREDITS FOR GET SMART!!
SETTING: The lobby of the CONTROL building. The camera moves to an elevator where Chief Maxwell Smart and his wife, Agent 99, are getting into said elevator. As the door is about to close, three more people run for it. They turn out to be Agents 78, 24, and 66. Max stands and holds the door for them. Soon the elevator doors close and start to head up to the Chief’s office.
Max: How come you guys aren’t taking the secret entrance to work?
Zach: What’re you, nuts? It’s freezing in that hallway! I think, Dad, for the next CONTROL Agents Guild
meeting, you should bring up putting air conditioning and heating in the hallway.
66: Never fails. It’s hot down there in the summer and freezing to death in the winter.
Max: You guys, to maintain your secret life as being spies for our government, you really should use the secret entrance into CONTROL. How’re you supposed to be secret agents if you don’t even take the secret entrance into a secret organization?
Zach: You’re right, Dad. Tell me, how come you’re taking the lobby elevator?
Max: What’re you, nuts? It’s freezing in that hallway! Did you guys check out the Lincoln Memorial yesterday?
Zach: [gravely] Yes. Horrible scene. The worst one I’ve ever seen in my life being a spy.
99: Zach, what exactly DID happen to Senator Waters?
99: Suicide? But Zach, that’s impossible! Senator Waters was just elected from Maine! He had nothing to
be suicidal over. He just became a godfather.
66: Sorry, Mrs. Smart, but the two of us combed that area for almost two hours and didn’t find anything
REMOTELY connected with this being foul play.
Max: You checked his house, didn’t you, Max?
Maxine: Yes, Daddy, and the only thing weird about his house was this broken clock I found on the floor.
99: A broken clock? What an odd clue.
Max: What clue?
99: Senator Waters is the seventh person in high government positions to die under mysterious circumstances and at all the victims’ houses, we found broken clocks.
The elevator stopped at the CONTROL outer office, where Trudi, the office secretary, was sitting
at her desk. As the Smarts and 66 walk out of the elevator, they continue to talk about the mysterious clocks.
99: Max, I have a hunch.
Max: [walking over to Trudi’s desk] What’s your hunch?
99: What if those clocks are tied in to this somehow?
Maxine: Meaning what?
99: Well, that’s what we have to find out. Maybe if we found out how the clocks are tied in, we’d be able to find out what this plot is and why it’s happening.
Zach: [heading into Max’s office, followed by everyone] I have to disagree with you on that, Mom. See, I think the key to this is who. If we find out how who is doing this, then that stands to reason, he’ll tell us why he’s doing it.
66: No, Zach, I think we should work with what we’ve got. We know when these clocks are getting here and we know where they’re being delivered.
Maxine: But, 66, we don’t know where they’re coming from. Yes, we know the clocks are being sent to the homes of the victims, but we don’t know where the clocks are being sent from.
99: [thinking, then snaps her fingers] Switzerland.
Zach: Of course! Switzerland! That’s got to be the…key. [confused] Mom, why did you just suddenly say Switzerland?
99: Well, that’s where the clocks are coming from. The clocks are being imported from Switzerland.
99: Well, didn’t 66 say we know when, but we don’t know where? Won’t that work in reverse and tell us when, now that we know where?
66: [confused] I said this?
Zach: [confused] Wait…wait a minute. [pauses] So, Mom…what you’re saying is…that because we know that
the clocks are coming from Switzerland, then that might help us in finding out when? Right?
Max: How. How will where tell us when?
99: Well, it…[thinking] See, if we know where, then we can trace back to when the clocks were sent to
be delivered and then that would give us a time frame so then we could stop other clocks from coming, because then we would have known when and where they were coming. [going over it again in her head] [nods at Max]
66: That makes sense. [slightly confused] Sort of.
Zach: It does? Could you explain it to me?
Max: 99, I want you to find out exactly where in Switzerland these clocks are coming from.
99: Why. Why am I checking that out?
Max: Because, if we know exactly where in Switzerland, then maybe the clocks are being made by our who and then we’d be working backwards to find who, cause that’s where he would be. [a bit confused]
99: That makes sense.
Zach, 66, & Maxine: It does?
99: I’ll go check out the clock angle. [leaves]
Zach: [still confused] Um…Dad?
Zach: What were we just talking about?
Max: We…[starts to answer then stops] I want you guys to check out the other houses and find out if they also received clocks from Switzerland.
Maxine: Oh, well, I can answer that right now. No.
Maxine: No. In the cases of Senator Graham and Major Peters, they didn’t get clocks. They got watches.
Zach: Of course! It’s the work of the sinister watch man and his accomplice…[confused] clock girl…
Max: [annoyed] Zach, do me a favor. The next time you watch the Super Friends, don’t sit so close to the TV screen. [look from Zach] These things must tie in together somehow.
Zach: Dad, I would like to go on my original thesis of finding out who and then leading in to the others.
66: I’m telling you, Zach, we can’t do that! We’d have a better time of finding out how, when and where, then finding who!
Max: I agree. Check out the houses of the government officials and find out who sent those clocks.
Zach: [to 66] Ha! Dad just told us to find who’s behind this plot!
Max: No. I said find out who’s sending these clocks. This might have nothing to with who’s making the clocks.
Zach: But Dad, doesn’t it stand to reason that if we found out who’s sending the clocks, then that would tie in with the guy who’s making and sending the clocks to the guys who’s sending the clocks to the…officials. [confused]
Max: [highly annoyed] Zach, do me another favor. Don’t talk for the rest of the day.
Zach and the girls decide to go ahead and re-check the houses of all seven of the government officials.
They start out with Gen. Nick Reynolds. The three walked into the living room and started to look around.
Zach: I’ll check in here. You girls look upstairs and in the kitchen.
Zach started checking around the living room. He looked around the couch and headed for a nearby
desk by the window. He sat down in the leather chair and started rifling through the top drawer. He found a small card with Reynolds’s name on it. He opened the card and started reading. As he was reading, his eyes grew bigger at his discovery.
Zach: Girls! Hey girls! Max! 66! Come in here, quick!
Max rushed downstairs and 66 ran from the kitchen.
66: What’s up?
Zach: Look at this card. [hands card to 66]
66: [reading] Dear Gen. Reynolds, thank you for your contributions to our company. Also, thank you for your actions for our government. Sincerely, Samuel Belfries, President of Switzer Watches.
Maxine: Hey, isn’t that the same guy who sent the other clocks?
66: I think so. I wonder…is he the one in charge of this whole plot?
Zach: I don’t know. Look, this is only a hunch of course, but I’ll go back to headquarters with this and see if this guy comes up on the KAOS check. You girls check out the other houses and see if you find the same card. Then call me if you get anything.
Maxine: Right, Zach.
The three quickly left for their destinations. Zach came back to CONTROL and met Trudi at her desk.
Zach: Hey Trudi, have you seen my Dad?
Trudi: He went home.
Zach: Went home? Why?
Trudi: He got a call from Mrs. Smart and rushed home.
Zach: Huh. I wonder why. Look, call down to Parker in the lab and tell him to run a check on a Samuel Belfries in the KAOS files. If the girls call, tell them I went to the house.
Zach took off and headed for his parents’ house. When he walked in, he didn’t notice anything odd. At least not yet.
Zach: [calling] Mom? Dad? Are you guys here?
Zach decided to check upstairs. He got to his parents room and immediately stopped, in shock. Standing
in the middle of the room was Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart, hypnotized!
SETTING: The Smart house. Zach stood in the doorway of his parents’ s bedroom. In the middle of the room, Max and 99 stood, staring at a clock. Zach walked over to them, in awe and horror.
Zach: Mom? Dad? You’re not hypnotized, are you? [pauses, waiting for answer] I’ll take that as a yes.
Zach went around behind them so he could get a good look at that clock, but before he started to
look at the clock, he realized that looking at the clock would be bad.
Zach: I can’t look at that clock. [looks at parents] I gotta do something, but what?
As Zach stood there, he heard the door open downstairs. He took out his gun and waited for the visitor.
66: Zach? Are you here?
Zach: [relieved] I’m up here, 66. In the bedroom.
66: [walking through the door] Trudi said that the Chief…[seeing Max and 99] Oh no! Zach, not them too!
Zach: Yeah. They were like this when I got here. They’re definitely under.
66: Maybe if we put something over the clock, they won’t be hypnotized anymore.
Zach: Good idea, 66. [goes over to the bed and picks up blanket] Let’s see. [drapes it over] Mom? Dad? [still hypnotized] That didn’t do it. Maybe whoever has them under, won’t let go until…
Zach: Let’s not think about that now. We have to stop whoever’s behind this.
66: Let’s look at that clock.
Zach: How? If we stare into it, we’ll be hypnotized too.
66: Maybe if we shut it off somehow. [walks over] There’s got to be some kind switch to turn it off.
[looking under clock] Zach, I think I found it.
Zach: [taking off blanket] Well, it’s definitely off. [waving hand in front of Max] But they’re still under. [taking clock from 99] [to 99] ‘Cuse me, Mom. [to 66] Okay, let’s look at this clock.
Zach and 66 walk over to the vanity by the wall.
Zach: [looking at back of clock] I think this just pulls apart. That would explain the easy way it breaks.
66: [picking up a card] Zach, look! It’s a card to your parents…and it’s from the Belfries guy.
Zach: I’ve got Parker checking that name now, but this proves that he’s our guy. [opening clock] Look, 66. [pointing at wire] This must be the hypnotic source.
66: Zach, how can you be sure?
Zach: 66, I have an expert mind on electronics. I can tell right off bat that this is the hypnotic wire. And I can prove it in three ways.
Zach: First of all, the first rule of electronics is to eliminate all unnecessary wires which leaves you will the necessary wire. I figured that this is the necessary wire because all the other wires have clock working wires that actually make the clock work. Secondly, the placement of this wire is very unusual to all the other wires. Look, it’s a purple wire. How many purple wires do you see in electronics?
66: You see them all the time in stereos.
Zach: I mean besides that. And the last and most vital of all clues…
66: Zach! [looking at wire] Look! There’s a KAOS emblem on that wire.
Zach: 66, I was talking.
Zach: I was trying to tell you something. How are you ever going learn anything, if you keep interrupting me?
66: I said I was sorry, Zach.
Zach: May I finish now?
66: Of course.
Zach: Thirdly, see this? [points at wire] This is a KAOS emblem, which means that KAOS is definitely involve in this.
66: Good point, Zach.
Zach: Let me see that card. [66 gives Zach card] [examining card] This is from Talbert’s card shop.
66: Well, that means that the person we’re looking for is here in town.
Zach: [thinking] Hmmm…
66: What’s wrong? You didn’t like my idea?
Zach: Of course I liked it. Because it was my idea, you took it from my head. Look [standing up] let’s
go down to Talbert’s and ask if he knows who this Sam Belfries is.
66: Zach, wait. [Zach stops at door] Do you think we should just leave your parents here?
Zach: [thinking] You’re right, 66. [takes out his handcuffs and cuffs Max and 99]
66: Zach, that’s not going to work.
Zach: Right again. Give me your handcuffs.
66: But Zach…
Zach: 66, this is no time to argue…
66: I know, but I really don’t think…
Zach: Don’t think. Let me think for you.
66: [sarcastically] Do you really think that’s wise?
Zach: [looking at her, with annoyed look] You know, no one likes a smart aleck spy. Just give me your
handcuffs. [66 hands over cuffs] [handcuffs Max’s other hand to the bed post] There. The only way they’ll leave here is through the window with a bed tailing them from behind. [goes to door]
66: Are you locking the door?
Zach: Yes I am and it would probably be more of an advantage if you were out here when I closed the door. [66 walks out] Thank you. [closes and locks door] Okay, let’s go.
Zach and 66 quickly rush down to Ian Talbert’s card shop, located in the Washington shopping plaza. Inside, at the counter, is a small, white-haired man dealing with a woman customer. After she leaves, Zach goes up to the counter.
Zach: Uh, Mr. Talbert?
Talbert: Zachary! Well, this is a surprise. How’re your parents?
Zach: You can kinda say they’re a little…out, so to speak.
Talbert: Out of the country? Your father still chasing spies, I see.
Zach: Something like that. Listen, Mr. Talbert, I found this card in the house and I was wondering if you knew the guy who sent it.
Talbert: [taking card] Hmmm…Sam Belfries? Yes, I believe I know him.
66: You wouldn’t happen to have an address, do you, sir?
Talbert: As a matter of fact, I believe I do. Hold on and I’ll check.
Talbert goes in the back and starts looking for something.
66: Zach, can we be really sure of this guy?
Zach: Who? Belfries or Talbert?
66: A little of both, I guess.
Zach: 66, I’ve known Mr. Talbert all my life! He’s strictly on the level!
66: I’m sorry, Zach. I’m just looking at all possibilities.
Zach: Now, his assistant, on the other hand…
Talbert came back with a white card in his hand.
Talbert: Here it is. This is the card I asked him to fill out. [hands card to Zach] See? He’s right here in town.
Zach: Thanks a lot, Mr. Talbert. And believe me, Mom and Dad thank you too. [leaves with 66]
Zach and 66 jump into Zach’s firebird and take off for the address on the card. From inside the
shop, the assistant turns to make a phone call.
Assist: They’re on their way. [hangs up]
SETTING: Mr. Samuel Belfries house. Zach and 66 are standing on the door step, waiting for the door to
open. When there’s no answer, the two decide to look around for an open door or something. Around the back, Zach decides to use the CONTROL breaking and entering kit in order to get in the house.
66: What’s that?
Zach: It’s the old CONTROL breaking and entering kit. This is only the third time I’ve used it.
66: How’s it work? Like your standard break and entry sets?
Zach: Sort of. Watch. I place a suction cup on the door like this and then I place another cup on the handle like so. Then, I press this little button here.
66: What’ll that do?
Zach: It’s fantastic! Really amazing. This little button sends an electric charge through the door and
it opens. [snapping his fingers] Just like that.
66: Just like that?
Zach: Yes, it’s the most effective way to open a door. [goes to put cup on handle, when door opens]
66: [smiling] Of course, turning the door handle is also effective.
Zach: 66, I really don’t like you taking my ideas like that. I just think it’s a sign we’ve been working together for a long time. I’ll forgive you this time, but the next time I won’t be so forgiving.
66: Yes, Zach.
The two go in and start to look around.
66: Zach, do you think we might be walking into a trap?
Zach: Of course I do. I have an uncanny sense of these things. I know for a fact we’re probably walking
into a trap, that’s why I came prepared.
66: You did? What did you bring?
Zach: I’d rather not tell you until we’re in absolute grave danger.
The duo’s trip led them into the kitchen. From there, they walked into the living room. They decided
to split up and search all sides of the living room. After about a couple of minutes, 66 found what appeared to a list over in the desk drawer.
66: Zach! I think I found something. [Zach walks over] Look. Doesn’t this list familiar to you?
Zach: [taking list] No. I’ve never seen this list in my life.
66: No, Zach, I mean look at the names on the list. Anything strike you as odd?
Zach: Yes. My parents names are on it. [looking closely at list] And so are the names of the government
officials that were sent clocks!
66: Right. That means that Belfries really is involved in this.
Zach: [thinking] Now, wait a minute, 66. Remember what Dad said? Belfries may just be the carry outter
and not the guy behind it. You see, we’ve found the who behind the sending of the clocks, but not the who behind the plot TO send the clocks.
66: Well, somewhere in this house is the name of the who behind the plot, because we’ve already found
the who behind the clocks. Right?
Zach: Right. Come on, let’s keep looking for more evidence.
The duo continued to look downstairs. Zach looked once more in the kitchen, while 66 came to a
strange looking door in the hallway.
66: Zach, come here for a minute.
66: This is an odd door, don’t you think?
Zach: Not odder than your ordinary odd door. Did you try opening it?
66: [hesitant] Well…no, actually…
Zach: Well what were you waiting for? Me?
66: Well, Zach, I don’t think I could…
Zach: 66, you’re a big girl now. You don’t need my protection. Now, open the door.
66: Zach, don’t you think we should check the knob for any kind of devices?
Zach: [leans against door jam and grins] Tracie, darling, this is an ordinary closet door. What kind of
secret device could be inside an ordinary closet door? Huh? I think this case is starting to take its toll on you. [stands straight] Look, I’ll open the door for you. Okay?
66: Alright Zach, but just so you know, it’s locked.
Zach: Locked, huh? That’s odd. No matter, I’ll just use my skeleton key to open it. [takes out key and inserts it into key hole] Now the only thing that worries me, is that this door might be connected to some kind of a…[door isn’t opening] some kind of a…
66: Some kind of a what, Zach?
Zach: [looks at her] Some kind of a…
Suddenly, the bottom fell out from under them. They fell down onto a small, soft pad.
66: Some kind of a trap door, Zach?
They get off the pad and start to look around. Their surroundings are dimly lit and cold and dank.
Zach looked up from where they had fallen. Suddenly, a voice came from behind them.
Voice: Hello, Mr. Smart.
Zach and 66 quickly turn around and see a tall, well-dressed man in front of them, holding a gun.
Voice: So nice of you to…
Zach: [sarcastically] Drop in? Funny. Just who are you and what do you think you’re going to do with that gun?
Belfries: First, the introductions. I’m Samuel Belfries. And this gun, [holds up gun] is to kill you.
Zach: First things first! Just exactly what are you planning with those clocks you’ve been sending?
Belfries: As you well know, I’m an agent for KAOS and the man I’m working for is also an agent for KAOS.
66: So, you’re working for two organizations? One for the man that hired you and second, for KAOS?
Belfries: That’s correct. If you haven’t figured out the plot by now, then you’re not the intelligent
agents that I thought you were.
Zach: [angry] We figured it out! No one out-smarts the Smarts!
Belfries: Oh really? Is that why you’re parents are now under our control?
Zach: That’s different. You caught them off guard, but at least you can’t out-smart me!
Belfries: Oh really? Is that why you and your lady friend came falling through my trap door?
Zach: [angrily] Forget it! The point is, I know what you’re up to. You and KAOS are planning to control
the minds of every government official in Washington for your evil and no-good ways.
Belfries: Close. KAOS is planning more than just controlling the minds of the government. We’re going to destroy the government through government action.
Zach: I don’t understand. How does that work?
Belfries: Seven of you top government officials have died, right? Under unusual circumstances? Well, right before that, we hypnotized them to bring KAOS vital information and then ordered them to commit suicide. Your parents, Mr. Smart, are going to bring all the files they have on KAOS and any other government organization and turn them over to us. Then, we will order Mr. Smart to take his revolver and shoot Mrs. Smart, then turn the gun on himself!
SETTING: The trap of Samuel Belfries. Belfries had just informed Zach how KAOS will plan to destroy the
world and how his parents will die.
Zach: I’ll admit, that’s not a bad plan, Belfries.
Belfries: Not a bad plan? That’s the greatest plan KAOS has had in ages!
Zach: Yeah, well, it’s alright.
Belfries: Okay, spill it, Smart. What’s wrong with this plan?
Zach: First of all, you’ll never get away with it. Before you even leave this house, you’ll be caught.
Belfries: Why do you say that?
Zach: Because, Mr. Belfries, as we speak, 100 of CONTROL’ s top agents are descending on this house! Would you believe it? 100!
Belfries: I find that a bit much to believe.
Zach: Really? Well, would you believe 25 members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police?
Zach: Ten security guards and a very angry poodle?
Belfries: Absolutely not.
Zach: Well, what would you believe?
Belfries: [pulling hammer back on gun] I believe you’re going to die.
66: [folding her arms] I’d believe that.
Zach: [looks at 66] Whose side are you on?
Belfries: Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
Zach: Wait a minute! I have another proposition to make.
Belfries: [annoyed] What now?
Zach: You give me your gun, let us escape, and we’ll turn you over to the police.
66: What kind of proposition is that?
Zach: [annoyed] [to 66] You know, all day, you’ve been on my nerves. Now, just for the sake of argument, whose side are you on? Because I’m starting to think it’s not mine.
Belfries: Settle this little riff when you see St. Peter. [raising gun again]
Zach: Wait a minute! I have one more proposition to make.
Belfries: [lowering gun][sighing] What is it this time?
Zach: Shoot me…but let me have a piece of gum first.
Belfries thinks about it and then looks at Zach. He then shrugs his shoulders.
Belfries: What kind of harm can a little piece of gum do?
Zach: [taking out a piece of bubble gum] You wouldn’t say that if you had braces.
Zach pops the piece of gum in his mouth and starts to chew. He starts to blow a bubble and keeps
blowing until it’s almost covering his face. He lets it pop and when it does, a screen of smoke appears and hits Belfries in the face. He stumbles backwards and drops the gun. 66 quickly runs over and grabs the gun and puts Belfries under arrest.
66: Zach, that was amazing! What kind of gum is that?
Zach: [still chewing] The old explosive in the bubble gum trick. I picked up a pack before I left today. [to Belfries] Well, Belfries, it looks like I’ve won again. The cunning and quick thinking of good has overcome the nastiness and down right meanness of evil.
Belfries: Alright, Mr. Smart. What is it you want to know?
Zach: First, are you alright? I know that exploding trick is a little heavy on the eyes. [a look from 66][to 66] I might be a cunning and tricking spy, but I’m not heartless!
Belfries: [rubbing eyes] Yes, Smart, I think I’m alright.
Zach: Good. Second, who do you work for and where can we find him?
Belfries: Have you ever heard of a scientist by the name of Hans Von Stickle?
66: Hans Von Stickle? Wasn’t he a former government scientist?
Belfries: Yes, that’s him. He was doing experiments with mind control on agents returning from missions
and he was caught.
Zach: Oh yeah, I remember him. Wasn’t he fired after he ordered one of his subjects to steal important documents from the Pentagon?
Belfries: Yes. Well, after they fired him, he wanted revenge and that’s when KAOS contacted him. He lives in Switzerland, that’s where he makes those hypnotic clocks. He would send them to me and I would in turn send them to the officials on his list that he had me copy.
Zach: That explains that list we found. Thank you, Mr. Belfries. You’ve been of great help. Gee, it’s a
shame we have to take you in and all. Maybe I can get the judge to look past your criminal record and go easy on you. [to 66] I’m going to call Max, you watch him. [takes off shoe and goes into a corner] This is Zachary Smart, Agent 78. Put me in contact with Agent 24 at CONTROL. [pauses] Hello, Max? Zach. 66 and I have found Mr. Belfries and we know who the culprit is behind this plot. See? I told you. If we had started with who a long time ago, we could have eliminated everything else. [pause] What? [pauses] Oh, yes well, where didn’t really help us find who. Who helped us find who. [pauses] No, Max, when did not help us find who. I just told you who found who, when and where just stalled us.
Zach: Hmm? Oh yes. [to Max] Listen, Max, we need a plane to Switzerland right away. You get Parker to
come up with some gadgets and tell him to pack warmly. [pauses] Yes he is. [pauses] You’re welcome. Oh, by the way, tell him that exploding gum trick is really fantastic. And the flavor’s great. [pauses] What’s that? [pause] No, I haven’t tried that. I think this is Twisting Tropical Fruit. [pause] No, I haven’t. Pick up a pack of that for me, okay? Listen, Max, I gotta go. Tell back up that Belfries is in his house, down in a basement, under a secret trap door. I don’t think he’ll be able to get out. No ladders you
66: But Zach, how will WE get out?
Zach: [thinking] [to Max] Um…hey, baby sister…uh, could you tell back-up that Agent 66 and I are also down in a basement under a secret trap door? [another pause] Stop laughing, Maxine.
After the back up from CONTROL came, rescued Zach and 66, and took Belfries to jail, Maxine, 66, Zach, and Parker boarded a CONTROL jet for Switzerland.
Zach: Now see? [walking through the jet to their seats] This is what I’m talking about.
The group had a stylish and elegant private jet, equipped with a tracking device, headquarter computer,
a bar, a 27″ TV, and about three or four phones.
Zach: [taking his seat] I deserve to fly first class. I’m elegant, debonair…a regular Cary Grant, but do I fly first class? No. I usually fly coach. Not cause I want to, but because CONTROL never has the money to send me first class.
Maxine: [sarcastically] Oh no. Nothing must upset the balance of the Prince of Proper.
66: Let’s not get into an argument.
Zach: You’re right. Parker, what’s our defense strategy?
Parker: [confused] Defense strategy? Basically, I thought we would just go in and get out.
Zach: [annoyed] What’s the plan?
Parker: Well, from what Belfries told us, Von Stickle has his lab up in the Swiss Mountains, so that’s where we’re headed. The layout of the house is simple. Von Stickle’s lab is downstairs in the basement. Just go through the kitchen and towards the back is a door.
66: And that’s the door to the lab?
Parker: Yes. But it’s not that easy. Von Stickle has guards all over the grounds to prevent CONTROL from getting in. I suspect he knows we’re coming and might plan something.
Zach: Huh-uh. That leads to weapons. What’ve we got?
Parker: Well, of course you’re aware of the explosive bubble gum.
Zach: I love it. You should make more of it.
Parker: [smiling] Oh, well. Thank you, Smart. Now, this [picks up an earphone carry case] is a very cleverly concealed listening device.
Maxine: It looks like an ordinary carry case to me.
Parker: Exactly. The earphones attach to the carry case, while the case acts like a receiver. That way,
no one is suspicious if you’re listening to a conversation. And this [hold up a screw driver] is actually a saline torch. The handle, that is. Just turn the metal to the right and the flame will emerge from the middle of the handle top. Now this [holds up an electric drill] This is my pride and joy. It took me two months to design this, but I think I did a pretty good job.
Zach: Well, I hope you patented it. If you didn’t, you’ll lose a lot of money AND you’ll be sued.
Maxine: Zach, that’s Austin’s drill gun.
Zach: Drill gun?
Parker: Looks like an ordinary electric drill, but if you push the on button and then press the trigger, it fires like a revolver.
Zach: Very ingenious, Parker. Tell me, which button is the trigger?
Parker: The one that says ‘trigger’ on it. Not only that, but if you run low on ammunition for your revolver, just switch the lever to ‘magnum’.
Zach: That would be the button that says ‘magnum’, right?
66: Parker, you said the grounds are covered with guards. How will we get in?
Parker: I’ve arranged for a power failure.
66: You arranged a power failure? In Switzerland?
Zach: Yeah, 66. You know, when the lights go out and it gets all dark…[to Parker] You ARRANGED a power failure? In Switzerland?
Parker: No. Just Von Stickle’s house. It’s not a complete power failure, we just crossed the wires, that’s all. That way, when we get to his house, we’ll just be the electricians. They’ll let us in easy.
Zach: Good plan, Parker. What ever happens, we must find the antidote to that hypnotic suggestion that
Mom and Dad are under. And stop Von Stickle from destroying the world.
The jet landed about a mile away from the house. The four got out of the jet and the jet started
to take off.
Zach: Okay. Our plan from here is simple. We just walk about a block or so, then we’ll see our electrician van. We’re already dressed, so we’ll just get in the van and drive up to Von Stickle’s. Come on.
Zach led the team and after about an hour, they all realized they were lost.
66: Zach, stop. We’re lost.
Zach: We are not lost. I have an uncanny sense of directions.
66: Just like your uncanny sense of electronics? Or your uncanny sense of traps?
Zach: [looks at 66] Don’t talk to me. You’ve lost your forgiveness standing. It’s obvious you’re a big traitor and I want no part of it. [66 looks at Zach, stunned] Oh, all right. I forgive you. This time. I refuse to be forgiving next time though, so watch it. Okay, maybe you are a bit turned around. [hearing a car] Look, I’ll ask directions from this on-coming car. [stops car. Car stops] Excuse me, sir,
but it seems that my colleagues and I have gone lost from our van and we need to be at a house in a few for a power outage. I was wondering if you might show us the way.
From the car, a gun with a silencer came out.
Zach: Ah, yes. Well, I guess I’ve troubled you enough. Good bye. [turns around]
Voice: Stay right where you are, Smart. One move and it will be your last.
Zach: Like I was saying, let’s all get in the car.
The four got into the car and the car started up a slope towards the house of Hans Von Stickle. As the car pulled up and parked, Zach decided to turn on his mini recorder in his watch. The car parked and the four were escorted inside by the guard in the car. The guard led them to the living room and stood guard at the door. Only a minute or so pasted, before Von Stickle came downstairs. He was a round man, with thick black glasses and a moustache.
Von Stickle: Ah, Mister Smart and his friends are here. Velcome, Heir Smart to the home of HS Von Stickle.
Zach: Yes, well this is all well and good, but we have somewhere else to be. Come on, gang.
The four turn to go only to be stopped by the guard and an automatic rifle.
Zach: [turning back] We’ve decided to stay for awhile.
Von Stickle: Vhy are you here?
Maxine: Hey, we were just taking a leisurely walk, when your big, stupid guard came and kidnapped us. [guard grunts] Sorry ‘bout that. Hope I wasn’t out of line with that stupid crack.
Von Stickle: Delbert is very sensitive. Now, I know vhy you come. You vant my formula for the hypno-clock.
Parker: Vhat hypno-clock?
Von Stickle: Don’t play dumb vith me! I know vhy you come. And I know vhy you must die.
Zach: Die? Ve can’t die.
Von Stickle: Vhy?
Zach: Vhy? Vell, ve are the electricians. Ve can’t die. Vho vill fix your power?
Delbert: Nothing’s wrong with the power. That’s how we knew you were coming.
66: Oh, of course! The old turn the alternate power back on after it’s been turned off trick!
Zach: Oh, of course, the old turn the alternate power back on after it’s been turned off trick. This is
the third this month I’ve fallen for that.
Von Stickle: Come. Ve go to the lab.
The four are escorted once again by Delbert, this time down to the lab in the basement. It was
a large lab, something you couldn’t tell by the size of the door.
Parker: This is incredible! This has to be the second largest lab I’ve ever in my entire life.
66: What was the largest lab you’ve ever seen?
Parker: Space camp. I was a volunteer for the summer when I was a kid. They have the largest lab I’ve
Von Stickle: Not for long!
Zach: What do you mean?
VS: Just vhat do you think I’m planning to do?
Maxine: You plan to let us go, turn yourself in, and stop all your wrong doings? [everyone looks at Max] What? It was worth a shot!
VS: Vith your government out of the vay, I and KAOS vill have control over the vorld!
Parker: Pardon my asking, but you plan to destroy the world by eliminating OUR government?
VS: Perfect plan. You Americans think you’re the kings of the hill…
Maxine: I don’t think I’m a king of anything!
66: Either do I!
VS: Oh yes. Pardon me ladies. The kings and QUEENS of everything.
Maxine: Now, that’s better.
VS: Vith out the United States trying to stop us, KAOS vill be in control of every major country. They vill be at the mercy of us!
Zach: That’s a stupid plan.
VS: Excuse me?
Zach: You heard me. That’s a stupid plan. That’s the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard! And you call yourself a scientist. You can’t even think up a good plan to destroy the world.
66: I think it’s a very good plan.
Zach: [angrily] You would. [to VS] You know, sometimes I wonder where KAOS gets you guys. My next door neighbor has a four year old who could come up with a better plan in his sleep!
VS: [angrily] Delbert, kill them! I refuse to stand here and listen to this. Kill them! [starts to walk
Zach: You’ll stand here and like it!
Maxine: Zach! What has gotten into you?
Zach: [to VS] That’s right. Run away, you chicken!
Von Stickle comes charging back down the stairs and heads for Zach.
VS: You have a strange death vish, Heir Smart. Vhat do you vant?
Zach: Very simple. I don’t think your hypnotizing clocks are all that good. We got my parents out it by the snap of my fingers.
VS: Vhat! That’s impossible. Only I have the antidote to take them out of the trance.
Zach: That may well be, but I’m telling you, [snaps his fingers] that’s all it took.
VS: Preposterous! [walks over to a table, then walks back] Are you telling me, that all you used vas your fingers and your parents vere avaked?
Zach: ‘Fraid so. Sorry ‘bout that.
VS: This, Heir Smart [hold up bottle] is the only vay, the ONLY vay to avake from my hypnotic trance.
Zach: Oh really? Well, I tell you that, that little potion you have does nothing.
VS: Delbert, bring me a clock! [Delbert goes and gets a clock] I vill prove to you, Heir Smart that it does. Delbert, hold the clock to face me. Turn it on.
The clock turns on and Von Stickle is put into a trance. Delbert stands watch as Zach pockets the
potion. When Delbert realizes something’s wrong he rushes Zach, and drops the clock. Zach ducks, trips Delbert, and he falls and hits his head on one of the stools. He’s out cold.
66: Zach! That was marvelous!
Zach: Yes, well to paraphrase an old saying, the snap was mightier than the potion.
SETTING: CONTROL headquarters. With Max and 99 better than ever, the gang sit and discuss the condition
of Von Stickle.
Max: Well, Hans Von Stickle is now resting comfortably in a jail cell by now.
Zach: You know, Dad, he was a worthy adversary. That plan of his, to ruin the US government and then
take the rest of the world by storm was ingenious. Too bad he’s sore at me or I’d tell him that.
66: That trick of yours really worked, Zach.
Zach: You sound relieved. Like you didn’t think it would work. Remember, I have an uncanny sense of these things.
Max: Well, all we have to do is stop the other clocks from being sent.
Zach: Yes. Oh and by the way, Dad, you were wrong about who.
Zach: Not what. Who. See, I told you that we should have started with who first. That would have found
our why and when.
99: No, Zach. Where and when found who.
Maxine: Really? I thought where found who.
66: No, who found who.
Zach: That’s right. We found our who with Belfries, who led us to Von Stickle. That was our vho to vho.
I mean, who to who.
As the gang continues to argue over what found how, the theme music starts to play.
THE END CREDITS OF GET SMART!