ALL THE SMART’S MEN
SETTING: The Congress Building, where every Congress member has an office and meetings take place.
The camera goes down a hall, lined with offices and stops at an office door with the name plate saying, Mrs. Maxwell Smart. Inside, Agent 99 stands by her desk, phone attached to her ear. She then starts to leaf through her desk planner and finds that she is having lunch with her husband at 2pm. She looks at her watch and notices it’s fifteen ‘til right now.
99: (on phone) Listen, Henry, I’ve really got to go. Yes, I know that. Yeah, I’m aware of that, too. (starts to whine) Yes, Henry. No, Henry. Why don’t I check, Henry? (pauses) Well, I can’t check if you’re still on the phone, Henry. Getting off would be a good idea. Yes, goodbye, Henry. (hangs up. To herself) I hate you, Henry.
99 looks at her watch again and finds that it is now ten ‘til. She gets on the phone again and dials her husband’s office.
Scene switches to CONTROL headquarters. Chief Maxwell Smart sits at his desk, reading a list of names. His daughter, Agent 24, Maxine Smart, sits on the edge of his desk, also reading a list of names. Agent 78, Zachary Smart, sits at a computer in the corner, concentrating on the screen. The phone rings and Maxine picks up.
Maxine: CONTROL Headquarters, Chief’s office. Oh hi, Mom. (looks at Max, who smiles) Yeah, he’s here. Hold on. (handing phone to Max) It’s Mom.
Max: (taking phone) Hey, gorgeous!
Switch to 99’s office. Scene goes back and forth between offices.
99: (smiling) Hi. I just wanted to tell you, I’ll be a little late for lunch.
Max: Don’t worry. I’ll be late, too. I’ve been going over these lists for the whole day. I’ve got Max working one now, I’ll just give her the other list.
99: If you’re busy, we can always skip lunch and just have dinner out tonight.
Max: How ‘bout we do both?
99: Oh, Max.
Max: (standing up) I’m leaving right now.
99: Alright. See ya there. Bye.
Max: Bye. (hangs up. Puts on coat)
Maxine: Daddy, you want me to keep checking these lists?
Max: (straightening tie) Yeah, see if you can do a background check on all of those names. (moving towards Zach) Zach, how’s that computer check going?
Zach: Not good. You have a better chance of doing a background check. Every file that I tried checking has some kind of obscure password. I can’t break ‘em.
Max: Well, maybe you can get Parker up here and the two of you can have a crack at it. (going towards door) I’m going to meet your mother for lunch. Call me if anything comes up.
Maxine: Tell her we say hi, Dad. (Max leaves) Zach, let’s take a break.
Zach: Good idea. We both need one. Let’s go down to the CONTROL deli and get some coffee. (gets up)
The twins head down to the CONTROL delicatessen, which is located right next door to the secret headquarters of CONTROL. They walk in and take a booth near a window that views a makeshift scene of the street. They both order a cup of coffee and Zach orders a donut.
Maxine: You know, those things are going to kill you one day.
Zach: Well, if they don’t, KAOS will. (looks at window) Why do they bother to have a window if they’re only gonna put pictures in it? (Zach stops the waiter at their table) Hey, Charlie, what’s with the window? Every time we come in here, it’s the same thing. Why not show what’s really on the other side of the window?
Charlie: Well, don’t you know?
Charlie: We’re trying to make a picture window. (sets down coffee and donut) Here’s your drinks, guys. (leaves)
Zach then starts to pour a heaping amount of sugar in his coffee.
Maxine: (staring at Zach) Zach, would you like some coffee with your sugar?
Zach: (looks up) Ha ha. With what we’re doing today, I need a sugar high. (continues to pour)
Maxine: yeah, but Zach, that’s enough sugar to kill a horse!
Zach: I’m a growing boy.
Just then, Agent 66 comes down from the stairs and heads over to the twins’ table. Zach gets a great big smile on his face.
Zach: (to 66) Well, good morning, beautiful.
66: (sitting down) Smart. (to Max) Hi, Max. How are you?
Maxine: Very tired. We’ve been working on those lists of Congress members all morning.
66: yeah, so have I. I was in the Congress record’s room. I just left a couple of minutes ago. I don’t get it. There’s nothing to indicate why these guys are dropping dead.
Zach: Maybe it’s the opinion poll. Look guys, let’s not talk about this, huh? We came down to take a break, right? Let’s take a break. Dad said call if anything popped up. So far, nothing has.
Scene shifts to KAOS high command. A young man in a black pinstripe suit sits in a chair behind the desk. He is talking to three other men.
Man: Gentlemen, our plans are going very well, but I know how to make them better. As the second in command, I am authorized to take whatever means necessary to assure KAOS rule. I have an idea to get inside of Congress and procure another success there.
KAOS agent: But how will you get away with the killing of Senator Bob James? Don’t forget, Mrs. Maxwell Smart is a member of Congress too. How do we know that she won’t interfere with our plans?
Man: Gentleman, that is my plan. I have a…little something in mind for Mrs. Smart. Leave her to me.
Agent #2: Just be careful. She’s ruthless. As a former CONTROL agent, she may still have a lot of tricks up her sleeve. Don’t let the fact that she’s married to that idiot Maxwell Smart get your guard down.
Man: (walking around desk) For some who’s a complete idiot, he never seems to have a problem dispatching KAOS agents. I am WELL aware of the Smarts and their children. Trust me, gentlemen. They WON’T be a problem.
Scene shift to Roberge’s, the Smarts favorite restaurant. As 99 is seated, Max comes through the door. He walks to the table and gives 99 a kiss hello and they both sit down.
Max: Good timing, if I do say so myself.
99: It’s very good timing. Feel like ordering?
After ordering and then having their food delivered, the Smarts decided that perhaps they should talk about this baffling occurrence within the Congress seating.
99: I don’t get it, Max. Harold Williams is the fourth mysterious murder this week. All of Congress is pointing towards KAOS, but we don’t how they’re killing these people of. There are no visible marks on the body and there’s always poison in their system.
Max: I know. That’s what we’ve been doing all day, checking out lists of Congress members. No connection what-so-ever. Zach can’t even access personal files. If KAOS succeeds in whatever plan they have in mind, all of Washington’s top men and women will be eliminated! KAOS literally holds a gun on Washington!
99: I don’t understand it. WHAT is KAOS up to?
Max: Well, 99, to find that out why KAOS is doing this, we have to find the person behind this.
99: Well, if we find out the plot, then we’ll find out the person behind it.
Max: (a tad bit annoyed) 99, I feel that I know what I’m talking about…
99: I’m not doubting you, Max.
Max: I FEEL that I’m in a position to know that if we find out WHO, we’ll know why.
99: (a little annoyed herself) Max, don’t you think it would make more sense to find out WHY first. That way, we’ll find out who…
Max: (a little angry) If we found who first, 99, then who couldn’t get away with the plan and that would solve our why problem. Don’t forget we still don’t have a what.
99: I’m very aware of that, Max. Along with not having a why, a who, and a what, we also don’t have a how.
Max: You don’t have raise your voice, 99. I think we’re two mature adults that can have a conversation without yelling! (looks around and notices some bit of staring.) I think that we have our OPINIONS on how this should be worked out and I think that by just discussing it here, really wouldn’t do justice in figuring this out. This takes a long process to generally come up with reasonable ideas to help us along.
99: I agree.
Max: Good. For the moment, let’s talk about something else. Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?
99: I don’t know. I picked lunch, so you pick dinner.
Max: Okay. How ‘bout Julian’s. Eight o’clock?
99: Fine. (looks at watch) I gotta go. (gets up) Julian’s at eight.
Max: Eight o’clock. Uh, listen, 99. I hope I wasn’t a little out of line. This case is really giving me a headache.
99: (kissing him on cheek) Think nothing of it. I still have to go back and…do it all over again.
Max: have fun. I plan to stay for another (looks at watch) five minutes. (sits down)
99: (sarcastically) You work way too hard, Max.
Max: hey, being a spy is never an easy job, as you well know.
99: Yes. (kisses him on forehead) Bye, Max.
99 leaves and goes back to her office.
Back at CONTROL, Zach, 66, and Maxine once again go over the list of the deceased Congress members.
Zach: There have been four murders in Congress. All the bodies were found with a highly deadly poison content. No marks were found on the bodies, which means whoever this killer is the Congress members knew.
Maxine: Not necessarily, Zach. I mean, what if this guy just sneaks up from behind them?
66: I think Zach’s right, Max. The poison had to be in some kind of food or drink in order for it to get in their systems. If no marks were found, that’s the only way.
Maxine: But how can we check? They were all found in their homes and whatever they eat or drank is probably gone by now.
Zach: (thinking) Max, 66, I want you guys to go over to the members’ houses and look in all cupboards and check out glasses and plates. Make sure you take Parker’s food and drink fingerprinting kit.
66: What are you going to do, Zach?
Zach: I’m going to talk to Mom at her office and check out the rest of the building and offices. Call me if you guys come up with something. (going out the door, followed by the girls)(stops at Trudi, the office secretary’s desk.) Trudi, when my dad gets back, tell him the girls and I are checking out that list of Congress members.
Trudi: What should I tell him if you get back before he does?
Zach: Then don’t tell him anything. What would be the point of telling him where we are if we’ve left and came back?
Trudi: I don’t know, you tell me. You’re the one leaving the message.
Maxine: Trudi, lets stick with plan A.
Trudi: Which would be…
66: The one where you tell the Chief that we’re checking on the Congress member list.
The trio look at Trudi, then get in the elevator and go downstairs to the parking garage. Getting in their separate cars, they drive off to their respected places of investigation. Zach finally gets to the Congress building and signs in at the parking garage, then drives in and parks.
He walks into the lobby and takes the elevator to the floor where 99’s office is located. When he gets to her door, it’s opened and 99 is talking on the phone. Zach knocks on the door. 99 looks up, sees him, and waves him in. Zach walks in and sits on the edge of her desk. 99 smiles at him, while continuing to talk the phone.
99: A new assistant? For whom? (pauses) Senator James? I always thought he could handle everything himself. (pauses) He’s arriving today? Okay, Julie, I’ll keep a look-out for him. Okay, bye. (hangs up)(to Zach) What brings you here, Zach?
Zach: Four Congress deaths and my love for you. (kisses her on cheek)
99: You could’ve mentioned that love for me thing first, you know.
Zach: I could have.
99: What are you looking for in the Congress deaths?
Zach: Any and everything. What was that about a new assistant?
99: Bob James, the senator from Maine just hired a new assistant. He’s coming down today.
Zach: You sounded surprised by that.
99: Well, it’s a little odd. Bob James is known to handle things on his own. The fact that he’s hired an assistant strikes me as a little odd.
Zach: You think this guy might be trouble?
99: I don’t know and I certainly don’t want to pass judgement on him or her if I haven’t met them.
Zach: (thinking) Well, when he gets here, call me. I want to meet this guy or girl. I’m going to check the dead Congress members’ offices, if that’s okay.
99: I’m sure it would be. In fact (opening drawer and pulling out a set of keys) I just happen to have the keys to their offices.
Zach: (smiling) You’re so resourceful, Mom.
99: (walking to door) I try.
The two of them walk down the hall to the first murder victim, Johnson Hull, the senator from Louisiana. 99 uses the key to open the door and she and Zach walk in. 99 closes the door and starts to walk to the desk.
99: You take one side of the room and I’ll take the other? (Zach nods)
They each take a side of the office and start looking for clues. 99 takes a look over by Hull’s desk and notices the daybook by the lamp. She starts to flip through it. Meanwhile, Zach is looking through Hull’s file drawer. He runs across a file titled, “TAH, IV”. He starts to go through it, but finds it’s just an empty folder.
Zach: Hey, Mom. (looks around and sees her at the desk) Find something?
99: (looking up) Hmm?
Zach: (walking to desk) I said, did you find something?
99: Yeah. Look at this entry in Hull’s daybook. On the same night he was murdered, he was supposed to meet a TH at his house at 8pm.
Zach: TH? I just found a file in the file drawer titled “TAH, IV”. Think there’s a connection?
99: Depends. What was in the file?
Zach: (holds up folder) Nothing. If there was anything in here, it’s gone now.
99: (thinking) Let’s go check the other offices.
Zach and 99 leave and go to check the other offices. They all find the same information as in Hull’s office. All the murdered senators, on the night of their death, were supposed to meet with someone with the initials TH and all had empty file folders entitled TAH, IV. Zach and 99 go back to her office and are about to discuss their findings, when Zach’s shoe phone rings. He answers and on the other end is Maxine.
Maxine: Zach, I’m at Senator Williams’ house and I just finished checking the glasses and the plates.
Zach: What did you find, Max?
Maxine: On two glasses I found a set of fingerprints, one belonging to the senator and one belonging to another person. And in the senator’s glass, I found the same poison substance found in his body.
Zach: Good work, Max. Mom and I found the same clue linking these murders together. Call 66 and tell her to meet me back at headquarters. I want you to keeping looking in Williams’ house and look for a calendar or day planner.
Maxine: Why am I looking for those?
Zach: I’ll explain later. Just look and see if he met with anyone on the night of his death.
Maxine: Okay, Zach. I’ll meet you back at CONTROL. (hangs up)
Zach: (hanging up also)(to 99) I’m going back to CONTROL, see Dad, and tell him about this.
99: Zach, check the KAOS files and see if anyone has the initials TH.
Zach: Good thinking, Mom. I’ll see you later. (leaves)
As Zach leaves, 99’s intercom starts to buzz. She answers it and finds out that the new assistant is there to meet her.
99: Send him in, Julie.
In walks a very handsome young man, wearing a black pinstripe suit.
SETTING: Inside the office of 99. A young man has walked in, wearing a black pinstripe suit.
Man: Mrs. Smart, I presume. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Thomas Hill. I’m Senator James’ new assistant. (shakes her hand)
99: Please to meet you, Mr. Hill. I’m sorry you have to come into this under the current circumstances.
Hill: Please. Call me Thomas. It’s no mind to me, Mrs. Smart.
99: (sitting on edge of desk) Please, have a seat, Thomas.
Hill: (sitting) I hear you’re heading up the investigation to all of this.
99: Yes and I can tell you first hand how very hard it is. There’ve been four murders and so far, there’re no suspects or a reason to why the late senators were murdered.
Hill: That does sound intriguing. I know I’m fairly new here, but I’d like to help if I can. Perhaps you could tell me the situation over dinner tonight.
99: (blushes slightly) That’s a kind invitation, Thomas, but I’m afraid I’m already having dinner tonight. With my husband.
Hill: (grinning, slyly) Of course, how rude of me. Perhaps a rain-check then. (standing)
99: I could be free for lunch tomorrow, if you’d like.
Hill: Would you? Be free, I mean.
99: Of course. Lunch tomorrow, then?
Hill: If you’re sure your…husband…won’t object.
99: Max won’t object. I’ll just tell him I have other plans for tomorrow. Besides, we have lunch together just about everyday. He won’t mind missing one day.
Hill: Well then, lunch tomorrow. Say, 1pm?
99: 1pm is fine. We’ll think of a place tomorrow.
Hill: (going towards door) Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Smart.
99: Likewise, Thomas.
Hill: Until tomorrow. At lunch. Ado.
99: Goodbye, Thomas. (Hill leaves)
As 99 stands at the door, she can’t help thinking that making the lunch date with Thomas might have been too hasty.
Meanwhile, at CONTROL, Maxine and 66 stood around Max’s desk as he talked to the president on the phone. After he hung up, Zach came in from the secret door to the lab, where he had been downstairs in the records department.
Max: How’d it go with that KAOS file?
Zach: Nothing. If this guy IS a KAOS agent, he hasn’t been added to the roster yet. I checked all the Hs and found nothing.
66: There must be a way to find out what’s going on.
Zach: Well, we know how the Congress members were poisoned and we know how their murders are connected. What we don’t know is who is doing the killing and why he’s doing it.
Maxine: Well, we have that clue you and Mom found this afternoon.
Max: Yes. The initials TH or TAH. So all we have to do is find the KAOS agent with those initials.
Zach: Well, Dad, shouldn’t we find out why he’s doing it and that would lead to our who?
Max: Not this again! Look, Zach, I think I happen to know what I’m talking about and I think we should find who first, that way we can stop who from doing the crime and then he’ll tell us why.
Maxine: Daddy, seeing as we know where, when, and what, won’t that help us find out who and why?
Zach: How will where, when, and what tell us who and why?
66: Yeah, Max. I think how and where would tell us our who and why.
Max: How will how and where tell us who and why?
Zach: Wait a minute! Wait one minute. Let’s take this one step at a time. We know how, where, when, and what, right?
Zach: Okay. And we need a who and a why, right?
Zach: Okay. I think I have a lead. Now, in all of the offices of the deceased members, Mom and I found empty files with the initials TAH, IV on them. And, all the members were meeting a TH on the night they died. I think that what was ever in those files is the reason they were killed. Of course, now the question is what was in those files.
66: If only there was a way to find out.
Zach: (thinking) Max, what did you find in Senator Williams’ house?
Maxine: Nothing much. I found his planner like you asked, but nothing was in it.
Max: Did you check the entire house?
Maxine: Well, not the ENTIRE house. I checked the cupboards and looked for his planner.
Max: maybe there’s still something in that house. Zach, go check it out.
Zach: Right, Pop. (leaves)
Max: Girls, I want you to go downstairs and see if Parker’s found out what exactly that poison was we found in those bodies. Then I want you to give Zach at least half an hour and then go over to Williams’ house, get him, and then check out those other houses.
66: Right, Chief.
Max looked at his watch and realized it was almost 7:30pm. He was supposed to meet 99 for dinner at eight. He got his jacket and went out of the office.
Max: Trudi, when the girls get back, tell them that I went to dinner with Mrs. Smart and to call me if they come up with something. We’ll be dining at Julian’s.
Trudi: So, you’ll be gone for awhile?
Max: (looks at camera.)(to Trudi) Yes, Trudi. If I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t go.
Trudi: Just making sure. You know, being a secretary isn’t all fun and games. You have to be one smart cookie to work this job.
Max: So why are you a secretary? (goes to elevator)
Over at Senator Williams’ house, Zach was checking every nook and cranny. He didn’t find anything in the living room, so he decided to check the senator’s den. He opened the door and walked in. He looked around and proceeded to walk to the desk. He took a seat in the black leather chair and started to rifle through the desk drawers. In the big middle drawer, Zach’s hand ran across a small button. He pushed it and a hidden wall inside the drawer opened and Zach pulled out a small piece of paper.
As he sat and read the paper, a mysterious figure lurked outside the window behind Zach. Zach looked up at a noise he heard outside. He turned the chair a little to see if he could hear the sound again. The figure took out a small lead pipe and placed a dart inside. He put his lips on the end and blew air inside. The dart flew from the pipe, made a slight noise as it hit the window, and stuck in the side of Zach’s neck. Zach ran his hand over to the dart to pull it out, but suddenly a flood of darkness took him and he passed out.
SETTING: The CONTROL lab. Maxine stood by the phone and listened to the ringing on the other end. Over by a table with a beaker set on it was Dr. Austin Parker, the head of the lab section, and Agent 66. Maxine hung up the phone and walked back over to the table.
Parker: (to Maxine) Still no answer?
Maxine: No. Something’s wrong. Zach always answers his shoe phone. Maybe I should go over there.
66: I’ll go. You and Parker figure out what that poison is. (leaves)
Parker: I’m almost finished, Max. Come over and see this.
Maxine: (walks over to Parker) What?
Parker: Look carefully at this. Through the microscope. (Max looks) See that little red dot in the center of the slide?
Parker: Well, that’s a drop of blood. All the things around are what you found in those glasses from the Congress members. Now watch what happens when they see the dot.
Max watched as the poison surrounded the blood and within minutes, the blood had disappeared.
Maxine: (looks up) What kind of poison eats blood?
Parker: Not poison, my dear. Species.
Maxine: Come again?
Parker: I don’t know how KAOS did it, but those are very tiny leech-like creatures. Somehow KAOS has managed to get these little darlings into a liquid with no taste or smell.
Maxine: Like cyanide?
Parker: A little like cyanide, but I wonder if they had that almond taste afterwards. That, we can never find out, but whoever’s giving this poison is definitely someone to look out for.
Maxine: Is there anyway for an antidote?
Parker: I suppose, but no telling how long it will take to make or if its effects will work.
Maxine: Well, we’ll give it a try.
Meanwhile, 66 was now at Williams’ house and was looking for Zach. She went into the den and saw Zach laying in the chair. She rushed over and found the dart. She immediately called for an ambulance.
At Julian’s restaurant, 99 had just arrived. Max had just been seated when 99 walked over.
99: Yet another good timing. (sits down) How’s your end of the case coming?
Max: Rotten. I’ve Zach checking out Williams’ house and the girls are downstairs with Parker working on that poison they found in the bodies. I don’t get it, 99. There must be SOMETHING that those Senators knew or had that made KAOS go after them.
99: But, Max, until we find that out, we won’t know who’s at the bottom of this.
Just then, a waiter came over and told Max he had a phone call. Max got up and went over to the phone booths. On the other end, was Zach, who was sitting in the CONTROL emergency room.
Zach: (groggy) Dad, it’s Zach.
Max: Zach, are you alright? Where are you? (the phone switched hands and 66 gets on)
66: Chief, it’s 66.
Max: 66, where are you?
66: Down in the CONTROL emergency room. Zach was attacked while at Senator Williams’ house.
Max: What happened? Is he okay?
66: He’d like to think so, but he’s not. He was injected with something and was unconscious when I found him.
Zach: (in the background) No, really, Dad! I’m fine! (gets a stronger headache) Ow!
66: Parker’s here now. Hold on, Chief. (hands phone to Parker)
Parker: Chief, Parker. I’m checking Zach out now as we speak. (to Zach) Will you PLEASE hold still! (to Max) I found out what the poison was in the bodies of the Congress members.
Max: Oh, great. What is it?
Parker: It’s a very clever device, I must say. KAOS has somehow duplicated the venom found in blood-sucking insects, like mosquitoes. But it’s more potent. (to Zach) Zach, hold still! (to Max) They put the venom in a small liquid and put into a vial. Then, whoever meets with the Congressmen, slips the liquid into either their food or drink. Some of the plates and glasses Max and 66 brought back have exact traces of the stuff. Chief, we’re dealing with a very clever and deadly KAOS plot.
Max: I agree, Parker. Do you know what might have been injected in Zach?
Parker: Well, I still have to analyze the dart the poison came from, but I’m sure it was just a slight tranquilizing liquid or something. You know, something to slow the reflexes.
Max: Good work, Parker. Tell Zach he’s got the day off tomorrow to recover, but I want you and the girls in my office by 9am.
Parker: Yes, sir. (hangs up)
Max also hangs up and goes back to the table where 99 is. He’s about to sit down when she gets up.
99: You’re not going to believe this. I’ve got to go.
Max: (shocked) What?
99: Sorry, but one of the assistants thinks he’s got a lead on the case and I have to follow it up, Max.
Max: It’s alright, 99. I was going to go pop in and see if Zach was alright.
99: (concerned) What’s wrong with Zach?
Max: Don’t get alarmed, 99. He had a slight accident, but he’s okay. That was him and various others on the phone just now. Parker figured out what that poison was and I want to get an early start on this. This is a very dangerous plot by KAOS, so whatever you do, please be careful. There’ve already been four deaths in Congress. I’d hate to have you become the fifth. (kisses her on cheek)
99: Oh, Max. Listen, just to ease your mind, I’ll call you the minute I get to my office. Okay? (kisses him goodbye) Be careful, Max. (leaves)
A couple minutes later, Max arrives at CONTROL headquarters and heads down to the lab. Already there are 66, Maxine, and Parker, who are quite surprised to see him.
66: Chief! What are you doing here?
Maxine: Yeah, Daddy. I though you were having dinner with Mom.
Max: Your mother had to leave early and I was planning to see if your brother was alright.
Parker: He’s fine, Chief. He was fast asleep when we left. He’ll be back to his old self by tomorrow.
66: Actually, Chief, I’m glad you came down. I wanted to know if you knew who Thomas Hill was.
Max: Thomas Hill? I don’t think I’ve ever heard the name. Why?
66: Well, I had to do a bit of searching, but I found that KAOS’ s new second in command is Thomas Hill.
Meanwhile, 99 had arrived at her office and thought she heard something from Bob James’ office. She decided to go down and investigate. When she got to the door, she could see Thomas standing in front of James’ desk and was obviously talking to someone. She knocked and entered. Thomas turned around.
Hill: Ah, Mrs. Smart.
99: I hope I’m not disturbing anything.
Hill: ( moving away from desk, revealing James’ tied and gagged) I’m glad you showed up. (holds a gun in his hand) I was hoping you would get here. See, I would hate to have to search for you.
SETTING: CONTROL headquarters. Downstairs in the lab, Max, Maxine, 66, and Parker were still talking about Thomas Hill. Max was starting to get worried about 99 and thought maybe he should call.
Max:99 should have call by now. I think I’m going to stop to see if she’s okay.
Just then, Zach walked in, still drugged out from earlier.
66: Zach! Why are you not resting like a good little boy?
Zach: I forgot to tell Dad something. As soon as I tell him this, I’ll go back.
Max: What is it, Zach?
Zach: (taking the piece paper from his pocket and handing it to Max) I found this in Senator Williams’ desk. It mentions who might be behind this plot.
Max: It’s got the name of Thomas Hill on it.
Zach: Thomas Hill? The guy in Congress?
66: The guy in Congress? More like the second in command at KAOS.
Zach: (groggy) KAOS? Dad, where’s Mom?
Max: She’s at the Congress building. Why?
Zach: Bob James’ new assistant’s name is Thomas Hill!
Back at the Congress building, 99 stood next to Bob James, who was tied and gagged in his chair. Thomas Hill stood in front of his two captives, holding a revolver in his hand.
99: So you’re the one behind this KAOS plot.
Hill: (laughs) Mrs. Smart, I’m not only the head of this plot, but I’m also the mysterious TH who met with the other members of Congress, the TAH, IV whose file they all had. I also happen to be Thomas A. Hill, IV. Second in command for the evil organization of KAOS, under the leadership of Conrad Sigfried, Jr.
99: You’re the second in command?
Hill: Yes, Ma’am. In fact, this was my plan.
99: I don’t understand. What did the Congressmen did for you to kill them?
Hill: They had files on me. You see, I tried to infiltrate Congress before and every time I tried, they kept this files on me. They had to be killed.
99: That’s why those folders we found were empty. You took all the information they had on you.
Hill: Yep. And burned it. You see, Mrs. Smart, even if your husband managed to find a connection, there’s no evidence. And after I kill you and Senator James over there, there will be no witnesses.
Hill raised his gun and was about to shoot when he heard Max call 99’s name. He turned slightly and 99 moved forward a bit, but Hill quickly turned back and stopped her from advancing.
Hill: I don’t think so, Mrs. Smart.
99: Don’t you think he’s going to find it suspicious when I don’t answer back.
Hill: No, because you’re going to answer back or I’ll kill the senator.
Hill went behind 99 and moved the chair where the senator was over to a back corner.
Hill: When you’re husband gets to the door, you’re going to tell him you’re fine and that he should go home. If you should even THINK about making a signal of some kind, I’ll kill you all.
Just as Hill faded into the dark corner, Max walked by the door and saw 99 standing there.
Max: 99, are you alright?
99: Max! I’m fine, love. I was….I was just checking Senator James’ date book for anything.
Max: You want some help looking around?
99: No! Not at all. Really, Maxwell, I’m fine. Why don’t you go home and I’ll be there later.
Max: You’re sure you’re okay?
99: Yes, Maxwell, I’m fine. I’ll see you at home, alright.
Max: Alright, 99. (leaves)
Hill leaves his shadowy hiding place and pushes James back to his desk.
Hill: Well done, Mrs. Smart. (moves in front of her) Now, I’m afraid we’ll never see each other again.
Hill once again raises the gun to shoot. Just as he pulls the trigger, he receives a tap on the shoulder. As he turns around, Max punches him in the face. Hill falls backwards and hits his head on the desk. 99 runs to Max and gives him a big hug.
99: You have no idea how glad I am to see you. (a bigger hug)
Max: (smiles, then concerned look) This isn’t the first time you’ve been glad to see me. Is it?
SETTING: CONTROL headquarters. In Max’s office, 99, 66, Maxine, and Parker all sit in the office and talk about the case.
66: So, how did you get the Chief to come back and discover Hill, Mrs. Smart?
99: It might seem odd, but all I did was call him Maxwell.
Maxine: That’s it? You called him by his name? (Max walks in)(turns and sees Max) Daddy, you went back to save Mom because she called you Maxwell?
Max: Well, it’s a little more that, Max. It was a code.
Maxine: I don’t get it.
Max: It’s very simple. Your mother NEVER calls me Maxwell.
66: So because she kept calling you Maxwell, you knew something was wrong.
99: The only time I’ve ever called Max “Maxwell” was on our first case.
Max: And after that, she’s always called me Max.
Parker: That’s very clever, Mrs. Smart.
99: Thank you, Parker. (Zach walks in)
Max: Zach, what’re you doing here?
Zach: I heard Mom almost got killed last night and I wanted to make sure she was okay. And besides, I’m fine.
99: So am I, Zach.
Max: Now that you know your mother’s okay, you can go home. (Zach starts to leave)
Parker: Oh, Smart, I got the results of the contents on that dart.
Zach: Oh, yeah? What was it?
Parker: Just as I suspected. A mild sedative to keep you out of the way. When we searched Hill, he had tons of those darts on him, all with different chemicals on them.
66: So that’s how he got to the congressmen?
Maxine: No. When we questioned him, he said all he had to do was meet with the men and pour that poison into their drink or food and they were done for.
Zach: So then why the dart?
Parker: Well, here I’ll show you. Go stand over there. (Zach goes by the wall) See, this little blow gun (hold up object) was used to eject the dart. You put the dart in like this (puts dart in) and you shoot it.
Parker puts the gun to his lips and blows out the dart. Hoping he would hit the wall behind Zach, the dart actually hits Zach in the shoulder. Zach gets a look of shock, then anger and starts to move toward Parker before he collapses.
Parker: (a little dismayed) Sorry ‘bout that, Smart.
Max: He’s going to be okay, right?
Parker: Yeah, he’ll be okay. A little mad, but he’ll live. I might not, but…he’ll live.
Maxine: With Zach’s temper….(looks at Parker) I’d start packing if I were you.
THE END CREDITS FOR GET SMART!